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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Science Fiction
- Subject: Comedy / Humor
- Published: 11/06/2023
Pizza, Ice Cream, And Star Trek
Born 1947, M, from Oceanside, United StatesPizza, Ice Cream, And Star Trek
“So, what’s your story about?” I asked, after she sat down at my table in the lunchroom. I was taking a coffee break from the mailroom. She had come in, she said, because she saw the sign I put up on the fridge. I was asking if anyone had any weird experiences I could write about? I thought it might be fun, for a change, to have someone else tell me their story instead of me always trying to come up with scenarios on my own.
She looked at me, and with a completely straight face, replied, “How about being abducted by aliens and then going out for pizza and ice cream with them?” My mouth dropped open and I almost fell off my chair.
“You made this up, right?”
“Nope,” she said, “it’s absolutely true.”
“You were abducted by aliens and then all of you went out for pizza?”
“And ice cream,” she added. My head spun.
“OK,” I said while I continued to sit in shock, “go ahead, tell me your story.”
“Well . . . I was on my way to The Pizza Freeze to get pizza and ice cream. An ad in the newspaper said this was their grand opening, and everything was going to be half price for a day. Anyway, I was driving down old Route 23 when I saw it—this bright red light in the sky. Right away, I knew it had to be a UFO.”
“Why did you think that?”
She sighed as if I had just asked the stupidest question in the world. “Well, what else could it be? It was bright red!” I nodded as if I agreed.
“Okay, so then what happened?”
“So, I pulled off to the side of the road and kept watching as this red light kept coming closer and closer. All the while, I was debating with myself whether or not I should leave. But before I could do anything—”
“You were abducted,” I said, interrupting her. She nodded. “And you remember everything about your abduction?” Again she nodded. “Strange, most people can’t remember being kidnapped by aliens.”
She shrugged. “All I know is I must have been knocked out or something, because the next thing I knew, I woke up to find myself strapped down to this metal table in this strange-looking circular room. When I glanced around, I saw two aliens arguing with each other.”
“How did you know they were arguing?”
“You could tell by the way they were waving their arms around.”
“By the way, what did they look like?”
“Like all the photos I’d seen of those little grey aliens with the big eyes.”
“So, what happened next?”
“A third one showed up. He must have said something to the other two, because suddenly, they stopped waving.”
“Could you understand anything they were saying?”
“That’s just it. I couldn’t see their mouths move, but I could hear voices inside my head.”
“You mean they were using telepathy to communicate?”
“If that’s what you call it.”
“So how did you end up going for pizza with them?”
“Well, after a while, I found myself becomeing annoyed because nothing was happening. So, I asked them if they were done with me yet? I told them I was on my way to get pizza and ice cream before being kidnapped. That stopped them. They turned and smiled. Have you ever seen one of these little grey aliens smile? It’s a little creepy, to tell you the truth.
“Anyway, that’s when I heard a voice in English say, ‘Pizza and ice cream, oh, boy! Can we come, too?’ I thought, if it would get me off this spaceship. So, I told them, why not? But first, I informed them that there might be a slight problem. ‘You guys are not wearing any clothes. I don’t think they’ll serve you if you’re naked.’ That put a frown on their faces until suddenly, they smiled again and, just like that, the three of them were wearing suites! Granted, they looked like they were going to a Mexican wedding, but at least, they had clothes on.
“Next, I told them they were going to have to do something about their faces, as well. ‘You go into The Pizza Freeze looking like that and you’ll scare the heck out of everyone.’”
“So, what did they do then?”
“They looked at each other and then, suddenly, all three of them turned into the cutest looking college guys, each with a buzz cut. I told them that they looked perfect. They smiled and I smiled back then waited for one of them to untie me. When none of them did, I said, ‘So, can I get untied now or what? Excusing himself, one of the aliens rushed forward and began taking off the straps from around my wrists and ankles.
“Meanwhile, the other two must have done something I couldn’t see, because, suddenly, an old Woody Wagon, complete with three surfboards strapped to the top, appeared right there in the middle of the room.
“I pointed to it and asked if we were going in that?’ They nodded. ‘Great’ I told them. ‘Except for one thing—this is Wisconsin. I don’t think you’re going to find any surf around here.’ They just shrugged. Then I asked if any of them knew how to drive a car? When all three refused to look at me, I asked for the keys; ‘I’ll drive.’ They smiled again then, after handing me the keys, all of us piled into the Woody. The next thing I knew, we were heading down Route 23.
“Once in the restaurant, they had me order a whole pizza and an extra large ice cream sundae for each of them. Not for me, of course. All I could handle were two slices of pizza and a small dish of ice cream.
“I’ll have to admit one thing, even while they were putting away enough food to feed an entire army of aliens, they remained perfect gentlemen throughout the meal. They used their utensils when they needed to, and none of them made any rude bodily noises. But there was a problem after we finished eating—”
“They didn’t have any cash on them,” I said before she could finish. She nodded.
“But they promised me the next time we went for pizza and ice cream, they’d make sure to bring money with them.”
“Why didn’t they just make the money appear?” I asked. She shrugged. “But they were planning on coming back, right?”
She nodded. “Yep. But first, they said they had to go to some place called Kronos Nine for a Star Trek convention.”
“A Star Trek convention! You’ve got to be kidding me!!”
She shook her head. “No, I’m serious. I was shocked, too that they knew about Star Trek!”
“No kidding!” I exclaimed. And that’s when the idea first popped into my head. “By the way,” I asked, “you wouldn’t happen to know when they’re coming back, would you?”
“Not at this point,” she replied then stood up. “So, what do you think? Is that enough information for something to write about?”
“More than enough,” I said then watched as she headed toward the exit.
After she left, I sat there staring at the doorway, while my brain kept thinking about all the possibilities for stories I could write. But the question was, would her alien friends allow me to interview them?
A week later, I found out.
Pizza, Ice Cream, And Star Trek(Tom Di Roma)
Pizza, Ice Cream, And Star Trek
“So, what’s your story about?” I asked, after she sat down at my table in the lunchroom. I was taking a coffee break from the mailroom. She had come in, she said, because she saw the sign I put up on the fridge. I was asking if anyone had any weird experiences I could write about? I thought it might be fun, for a change, to have someone else tell me their story instead of me always trying to come up with scenarios on my own.
She looked at me, and with a completely straight face, replied, “How about being abducted by aliens and then going out for pizza and ice cream with them?” My mouth dropped open and I almost fell off my chair.
“You made this up, right?”
“Nope,” she said, “it’s absolutely true.”
“You were abducted by aliens and then all of you went out for pizza?”
“And ice cream,” she added. My head spun.
“OK,” I said while I continued to sit in shock, “go ahead, tell me your story.”
“Well . . . I was on my way to The Pizza Freeze to get pizza and ice cream. An ad in the newspaper said this was their grand opening, and everything was going to be half price for a day. Anyway, I was driving down old Route 23 when I saw it—this bright red light in the sky. Right away, I knew it had to be a UFO.”
“Why did you think that?”
She sighed as if I had just asked the stupidest question in the world. “Well, what else could it be? It was bright red!” I nodded as if I agreed.
“Okay, so then what happened?”
“So, I pulled off to the side of the road and kept watching as this red light kept coming closer and closer. All the while, I was debating with myself whether or not I should leave. But before I could do anything—”
“You were abducted,” I said, interrupting her. She nodded. “And you remember everything about your abduction?” Again she nodded. “Strange, most people can’t remember being kidnapped by aliens.”
She shrugged. “All I know is I must have been knocked out or something, because the next thing I knew, I woke up to find myself strapped down to this metal table in this strange-looking circular room. When I glanced around, I saw two aliens arguing with each other.”
“How did you know they were arguing?”
“You could tell by the way they were waving their arms around.”
“By the way, what did they look like?”
“Like all the photos I’d seen of those little grey aliens with the big eyes.”
“So, what happened next?”
“A third one showed up. He must have said something to the other two, because suddenly, they stopped waving.”
“Could you understand anything they were saying?”
“That’s just it. I couldn’t see their mouths move, but I could hear voices inside my head.”
“You mean they were using telepathy to communicate?”
“If that’s what you call it.”
“So how did you end up going for pizza with them?”
“Well, after a while, I found myself becomeing annoyed because nothing was happening. So, I asked them if they were done with me yet? I told them I was on my way to get pizza and ice cream before being kidnapped. That stopped them. They turned and smiled. Have you ever seen one of these little grey aliens smile? It’s a little creepy, to tell you the truth.
“Anyway, that’s when I heard a voice in English say, ‘Pizza and ice cream, oh, boy! Can we come, too?’ I thought, if it would get me off this spaceship. So, I told them, why not? But first, I informed them that there might be a slight problem. ‘You guys are not wearing any clothes. I don’t think they’ll serve you if you’re naked.’ That put a frown on their faces until suddenly, they smiled again and, just like that, the three of them were wearing suites! Granted, they looked like they were going to a Mexican wedding, but at least, they had clothes on.
“Next, I told them they were going to have to do something about their faces, as well. ‘You go into The Pizza Freeze looking like that and you’ll scare the heck out of everyone.’”
“So, what did they do then?”
“They looked at each other and then, suddenly, all three of them turned into the cutest looking college guys, each with a buzz cut. I told them that they looked perfect. They smiled and I smiled back then waited for one of them to untie me. When none of them did, I said, ‘So, can I get untied now or what? Excusing himself, one of the aliens rushed forward and began taking off the straps from around my wrists and ankles.
“Meanwhile, the other two must have done something I couldn’t see, because, suddenly, an old Woody Wagon, complete with three surfboards strapped to the top, appeared right there in the middle of the room.
“I pointed to it and asked if we were going in that?’ They nodded. ‘Great’ I told them. ‘Except for one thing—this is Wisconsin. I don’t think you’re going to find any surf around here.’ They just shrugged. Then I asked if any of them knew how to drive a car? When all three refused to look at me, I asked for the keys; ‘I’ll drive.’ They smiled again then, after handing me the keys, all of us piled into the Woody. The next thing I knew, we were heading down Route 23.
“Once in the restaurant, they had me order a whole pizza and an extra large ice cream sundae for each of them. Not for me, of course. All I could handle were two slices of pizza and a small dish of ice cream.
“I’ll have to admit one thing, even while they were putting away enough food to feed an entire army of aliens, they remained perfect gentlemen throughout the meal. They used their utensils when they needed to, and none of them made any rude bodily noises. But there was a problem after we finished eating—”
“They didn’t have any cash on them,” I said before she could finish. She nodded.
“But they promised me the next time we went for pizza and ice cream, they’d make sure to bring money with them.”
“Why didn’t they just make the money appear?” I asked. She shrugged. “But they were planning on coming back, right?”
She nodded. “Yep. But first, they said they had to go to some place called Kronos Nine for a Star Trek convention.”
“A Star Trek convention! You’ve got to be kidding me!!”
She shook her head. “No, I’m serious. I was shocked, too that they knew about Star Trek!”
“No kidding!” I exclaimed. And that’s when the idea first popped into my head. “By the way,” I asked, “you wouldn’t happen to know when they’re coming back, would you?”
“Not at this point,” she replied then stood up. “So, what do you think? Is that enough information for something to write about?”
“More than enough,” I said then watched as she headed toward the exit.
After she left, I sat there staring at the doorway, while my brain kept thinking about all the possibilities for stories I could write. But the question was, would her alien friends allow me to interview them?
A week later, I found out.
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