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- Story Listed as: True Life For Teens
- Theme: Family & Friends
- Subject: Life Experience
- Published: 07/25/2021
YOUR HEART SHALL MEND
Born 1995, F, from Kigali, RwandaWhat would you do if you had a chance to start over? A very common and important question: not because we regret how things were done but because we have the power to shape our future with the information we got from the past.
I was once asked what my greatest happiness in this world is; I couldn’t think of anything other than my family – my parents and siblings. They are my blessing. There’s nothing I could ever accomplish that will surpass them. We don’t have a perfect relationship but we love and support each other. I had a chance to grow up as a daddy’s girl until I took some distance from him, you know what adolescent people do when they are growing up and trying to find their own ways? Yeah, I had that time too.
My friends and I had this routine of presenting our boyfriends to each other whenever the relationship started. It was all fun until I fell in love with my best friend’s boyfriend. Cassie, my best friend introduced Bruno, her boyfriend to me, and then we exchanged phone contacts. We spoke virtually every single day for hours and hours, there was no such time as enough, and it felt like drinking in a bottomless glass. It was lovely and breathtaking. It went on and on till it wasn’t necessary that Cassie be present in our chat. There was that attraction between us that we called best friendship, but it was beyond that. We were lying to ourselves.
He was very smart and charming. He found what he needed in me, a good listener, and I too found an adviser who can also be a comedian, very funny considering the age difference between us – 10 years.
About 1 month and a half of talking on phone, we finally agreed to meet. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him; we hugged tightly that I couldn’t gasp well but it was a sweet and unforgettable moment. From then, he was part of my thoughts, my breathing, and my entire life. I was so terrified about it, I felt like I was betraying my best friend, which I noticeably was doing, but again it felt like my new fresh air I was inhaling; I couldn’t quit.” Oh my God! He was my love second to papa of course, who taught me to love and to be loved. I didn’t care about my parents’ frustration; Bruno and I could go for a night out and come back around 11pm. “An underage girl without human courtesy” my mom would say.
Cassie, a very calm and composed girl didn’t say a word after knowing what happened, because Bruno told her everything – that he didn’t love her anymore. We kept our friendship for a while as nothing happened, I didn’t have the courage to tell her anything and she never asked a thing, however with time the friendship faded away, there was only humiliation of what I did, snatching my best friend’s man.
There’s a term Offences Against Property – ‘looting of property’ used in the law sector; I’m not well knowledgeable about law but my father was accused of committing the above-mentioned crime. In the same period, I’ve discovered that Bruno got engaged to another girl who was abroad and that I was just keeping him busy the time he was waiting for his fiancée to be. In what? 6-7 months? You think it’s a coincidence? Beats me. I regretted every second that I spent with him; I should have been by my dad’s side. It escapes me how all these aligned to punch me in my face in this little time. Just like that I lost my best friend, an illusion of a boyfriend and the love of my life was taken away. I needed Cassie to be by my side, I wanted her to know how sorry I was, however considering the delay, I didn’t know how to apologize.
Have you ever looked in the sky and tried to read the clouds? Need a sign, that this ain’t the end.
I’m lost!
Where’s the wind to take me to the place where he is?
We were a beautiful family. I used to jump on the knees of my father, playing with him. I was his little Princess, he was my King, still is. When they started to accuse him about different crimes, they wouldn’t let us know, maybe to protect our feelings or something, till they took him away. It was around 4pm when they embarked at home.
Not him, he’s innocent!
A truthful, loyal, hard working, Christian man. He doesn’t deserve this.
I don’t wanna feel this way. It gnaws at my heart
I want the whole world to stop just for a minute. He is supposed to be right here with me, with us. Living the best life he has so bravely fought for. We still need him.
I want him to know how I feel about him. I think he doesn’t know, he’s not aware of that.
I’m being asked to move on, to not think about all that this much; however I can’t make any step forward any longer. He’s supposed to be here with me. Or we should have stayed in that particular moment of Christmas that we spent together, just us two.
Little did I know about the cruelty of life, I’d have held him longer and closer, never taking my eyes off of him. I miss him. It’s terrible.
We’re still on the same planet earth, under the same sky, same nation, yet he feels so distant to me, like he was in another galaxy. We’re no longer together as we used to, nothing is ever the same.
How does he get to know that my heart is taken with him in those 4 walls? How?
I know he doesn’t want me to live like this but how do I not? Seems like the last option I’m left with.
I’m away.
God should have asked me or even warned me. Maybe He did, although I didn’t listen. It was too good to last.
I’m having it all here, yet all I want is him!
Last night I had a dream about drowning. I knew how to swim but didn’t try to, but I woke up. So technically I didn’t drown.
I’m thinking what if I didn’t love him this much, could it have made any difference? I wouldn’t be suffering this much.
He’s being accused of something he never did. It’s not okay, I’m not living anymore.
This will always mark both of our lives. Will my heart ever mend?
Let’s talk about him for a few more hours, days, until I see him again. Shall we?
Why me? Why him? Why not someone else or nobody? But I’m being selfish. I wish I could know the positive side of this situation. Was life meant to be like this from the beginning? We never plan to feel joy or sorrow as we do when it occurs. As if I got myself together to be destroyed again.
I had this need to challenge those forces that deprived him of his right to live and to move.
I was denied to meet him several times when I visited him at the in police custody. How to trust that he’s being given the real message that I sent? Plus they don’t add all the emotions and feelings that I have for him. Did they tell him that I was weeping and I wished I could be hugging him tight? I tried to move, to go towards the taxi and leave, but in vain. A strange feeling of heaviness weighed down my heart and my body. I barely looked up in the sky, the single place our eyes could meet.
Once I was allowed to meet him, I heard his voice flowing from all directions, like air moving in space and reaching the ears. Every single word that came out from his mouth resonated twice in my ears; my auditory nerve was duplicating the information as if we’re speaking in code.
Seeing him smiling for a few seconds, I started to dream again. That everything is going to be okay.
- “How are you doing? Are you excelling at school?”
- My heart was going to explode from joy. “I’m doing great; yeah everything is fine at school.” Just to not make him bother
- ”Oh that’s wonderful. I’m also doing well here, you know, there’re nice people and I’m confident that I’ll be home soon.” He said. But deep down I knew this statement was a lie.
Every tick of the clock counted, time was up for him to return inside. I stared at him as he was leaving, like a feather in wind, all I wanted was more time with him. I was left there with my mother, and I so badly wanted to tell her how I was feeling, but I was afraid I’d hurt her, she was probably more upset or felt alone than I did.
After a couple of months, Bruno called me.
- Hello
- My heart skipped a beat; I recognized his voice right away. “Hello”
- “It’s me, Bruno” he said
- Oh! Hey!
- How have you been? Longtime no talk
- “Uh! Not bad” I realized that I missed him, mostly our friendship. The anger disappeared. “How about you?”
- “I’m well, thanks. Uhm, I know you were shocked about what happened but I didn’t intend to hurt you, we just met at the wrong time,…” the void was bigger than he’d imagine.
- “No it’s okay, I moved on.”
- “I love your maturity despite your age. We could have been,..” I cut him off, cause he was bringing me back to the dreams I had about us.
- “Why are you telling me this all of a sudden?”
- A deep sigh; “I want you to know that I’m still in love with you. I wanted to get married and you know you’re still young” he added. What a jerk. Is that an excuse? Really?
- Listen, a lot happened in the past couple of months. I’m not really into this conversation, I, I can’t.” I hung up and blocked his number straight away.
Perhaps I should have told him how mad I was at him but I don’t think it’d have change a thing.
How can you make an agreement not to feel something? Feelings aren’t under our conscious control. We can make commitments about how we will behave, since we do have conscious control of our actions.
My joy is thanks to my 2 beautiful sisters that have been so compassionate and non judgmental in regards to my choices, for most of the time I was upset about myself for things that I’d have prevented. They helped me accept my past, heal and learn from my mistakes. It opened my eyes to see the real gifts of life and made me even a wiser person that I am right now.
If you’re being confronted with a bad decision you’ve made in your social/professional life, don’t be hard on yourself. Let it and learn from it. I promise the future holds so many opportunities, new horizons that you wouldn’t trade for your past and self accusation.
YOUR HEART SHALL MEND(Diane Uwamariya)
What would you do if you had a chance to start over? A very common and important question: not because we regret how things were done but because we have the power to shape our future with the information we got from the past.
I was once asked what my greatest happiness in this world is; I couldn’t think of anything other than my family – my parents and siblings. They are my blessing. There’s nothing I could ever accomplish that will surpass them. We don’t have a perfect relationship but we love and support each other. I had a chance to grow up as a daddy’s girl until I took some distance from him, you know what adolescent people do when they are growing up and trying to find their own ways? Yeah, I had that time too.
My friends and I had this routine of presenting our boyfriends to each other whenever the relationship started. It was all fun until I fell in love with my best friend’s boyfriend. Cassie, my best friend introduced Bruno, her boyfriend to me, and then we exchanged phone contacts. We spoke virtually every single day for hours and hours, there was no such time as enough, and it felt like drinking in a bottomless glass. It was lovely and breathtaking. It went on and on till it wasn’t necessary that Cassie be present in our chat. There was that attraction between us that we called best friendship, but it was beyond that. We were lying to ourselves.
He was very smart and charming. He found what he needed in me, a good listener, and I too found an adviser who can also be a comedian, very funny considering the age difference between us – 10 years.
About 1 month and a half of talking on phone, we finally agreed to meet. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him; we hugged tightly that I couldn’t gasp well but it was a sweet and unforgettable moment. From then, he was part of my thoughts, my breathing, and my entire life. I was so terrified about it, I felt like I was betraying my best friend, which I noticeably was doing, but again it felt like my new fresh air I was inhaling; I couldn’t quit.” Oh my God! He was my love second to papa of course, who taught me to love and to be loved. I didn’t care about my parents’ frustration; Bruno and I could go for a night out and come back around 11pm. “An underage girl without human courtesy” my mom would say.
Cassie, a very calm and composed girl didn’t say a word after knowing what happened, because Bruno told her everything – that he didn’t love her anymore. We kept our friendship for a while as nothing happened, I didn’t have the courage to tell her anything and she never asked a thing, however with time the friendship faded away, there was only humiliation of what I did, snatching my best friend’s man.
There’s a term Offences Against Property – ‘looting of property’ used in the law sector; I’m not well knowledgeable about law but my father was accused of committing the above-mentioned crime. In the same period, I’ve discovered that Bruno got engaged to another girl who was abroad and that I was just keeping him busy the time he was waiting for his fiancée to be. In what? 6-7 months? You think it’s a coincidence? Beats me. I regretted every second that I spent with him; I should have been by my dad’s side. It escapes me how all these aligned to punch me in my face in this little time. Just like that I lost my best friend, an illusion of a boyfriend and the love of my life was taken away. I needed Cassie to be by my side, I wanted her to know how sorry I was, however considering the delay, I didn’t know how to apologize.
Have you ever looked in the sky and tried to read the clouds? Need a sign, that this ain’t the end.
I’m lost!
Where’s the wind to take me to the place where he is?
We were a beautiful family. I used to jump on the knees of my father, playing with him. I was his little Princess, he was my King, still is. When they started to accuse him about different crimes, they wouldn’t let us know, maybe to protect our feelings or something, till they took him away. It was around 4pm when they embarked at home.
Not him, he’s innocent!
A truthful, loyal, hard working, Christian man. He doesn’t deserve this.
I don’t wanna feel this way. It gnaws at my heart
I want the whole world to stop just for a minute. He is supposed to be right here with me, with us. Living the best life he has so bravely fought for. We still need him.
I want him to know how I feel about him. I think he doesn’t know, he’s not aware of that.
I’m being asked to move on, to not think about all that this much; however I can’t make any step forward any longer. He’s supposed to be here with me. Or we should have stayed in that particular moment of Christmas that we spent together, just us two.
Little did I know about the cruelty of life, I’d have held him longer and closer, never taking my eyes off of him. I miss him. It’s terrible.
We’re still on the same planet earth, under the same sky, same nation, yet he feels so distant to me, like he was in another galaxy. We’re no longer together as we used to, nothing is ever the same.
How does he get to know that my heart is taken with him in those 4 walls? How?
I know he doesn’t want me to live like this but how do I not? Seems like the last option I’m left with.
I’m away.
God should have asked me or even warned me. Maybe He did, although I didn’t listen. It was too good to last.
I’m having it all here, yet all I want is him!
Last night I had a dream about drowning. I knew how to swim but didn’t try to, but I woke up. So technically I didn’t drown.
I’m thinking what if I didn’t love him this much, could it have made any difference? I wouldn’t be suffering this much.
He’s being accused of something he never did. It’s not okay, I’m not living anymore.
This will always mark both of our lives. Will my heart ever mend?
Let’s talk about him for a few more hours, days, until I see him again. Shall we?
Why me? Why him? Why not someone else or nobody? But I’m being selfish. I wish I could know the positive side of this situation. Was life meant to be like this from the beginning? We never plan to feel joy or sorrow as we do when it occurs. As if I got myself together to be destroyed again.
I had this need to challenge those forces that deprived him of his right to live and to move.
I was denied to meet him several times when I visited him at the in police custody. How to trust that he’s being given the real message that I sent? Plus they don’t add all the emotions and feelings that I have for him. Did they tell him that I was weeping and I wished I could be hugging him tight? I tried to move, to go towards the taxi and leave, but in vain. A strange feeling of heaviness weighed down my heart and my body. I barely looked up in the sky, the single place our eyes could meet.
Once I was allowed to meet him, I heard his voice flowing from all directions, like air moving in space and reaching the ears. Every single word that came out from his mouth resonated twice in my ears; my auditory nerve was duplicating the information as if we’re speaking in code.
Seeing him smiling for a few seconds, I started to dream again. That everything is going to be okay.
- “How are you doing? Are you excelling at school?”
- My heart was going to explode from joy. “I’m doing great; yeah everything is fine at school.” Just to not make him bother
- ”Oh that’s wonderful. I’m also doing well here, you know, there’re nice people and I’m confident that I’ll be home soon.” He said. But deep down I knew this statement was a lie.
Every tick of the clock counted, time was up for him to return inside. I stared at him as he was leaving, like a feather in wind, all I wanted was more time with him. I was left there with my mother, and I so badly wanted to tell her how I was feeling, but I was afraid I’d hurt her, she was probably more upset or felt alone than I did.
After a couple of months, Bruno called me.
- Hello
- My heart skipped a beat; I recognized his voice right away. “Hello”
- “It’s me, Bruno” he said
- Oh! Hey!
- How have you been? Longtime no talk
- “Uh! Not bad” I realized that I missed him, mostly our friendship. The anger disappeared. “How about you?”
- “I’m well, thanks. Uhm, I know you were shocked about what happened but I didn’t intend to hurt you, we just met at the wrong time,…” the void was bigger than he’d imagine.
- “No it’s okay, I moved on.”
- “I love your maturity despite your age. We could have been,..” I cut him off, cause he was bringing me back to the dreams I had about us.
- “Why are you telling me this all of a sudden?”
- A deep sigh; “I want you to know that I’m still in love with you. I wanted to get married and you know you’re still young” he added. What a jerk. Is that an excuse? Really?
- Listen, a lot happened in the past couple of months. I’m not really into this conversation, I, I can’t.” I hung up and blocked his number straight away.
Perhaps I should have told him how mad I was at him but I don’t think it’d have change a thing.
How can you make an agreement not to feel something? Feelings aren’t under our conscious control. We can make commitments about how we will behave, since we do have conscious control of our actions.
My joy is thanks to my 2 beautiful sisters that have been so compassionate and non judgmental in regards to my choices, for most of the time I was upset about myself for things that I’d have prevented. They helped me accept my past, heal and learn from my mistakes. It opened my eyes to see the real gifts of life and made me even a wiser person that I am right now.
If you’re being confronted with a bad decision you’ve made in your social/professional life, don’t be hard on yourself. Let it and learn from it. I promise the future holds so many opportunities, new horizons that you wouldn’t trade for your past and self accusation.
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MAYRA
07/26/2021That's true. Adolescence brings some breathtaking changes in our lives and what we get depends on what we decide for ourselves. Broken heart, terrible past, failed relationships, and much more. However, gratitude and positivity can actually heal them.
LEARNING FROM EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IS THE BEST WAY TO KEEP GOING. GREAT WORK!
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