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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Fairy Tales & Fantasy
- Subject: Action
- Published: 09/06/2019
"I told you not to pee."
Born 1951, M, from Wilmington NC, United StatesNobody knew what the young Quarterback said to not only his team, but the other team, until well after the Game itself was over. Whatever it was he said when he called both teams to midfield (including Coaches) it worked. Later that speech would become the stuff of Legend. Just like the Game.
*****
Number 32 caught the first Kickoff of the Super Bowl. 13 seconds later…he crossed the Goal line. Touchdown. Extra Point.
19 seconds after the game started- Number 14, on the other team, caught the kick off seven yards deep in his own end zone. Fifteen seconds later…he crossed the Goal Line. Touchdown. Extra Point.
The former Super Star Quarterback, now well on the way to becoming a Hall of Fame Announcer made everyone laugh when he made a quiet observation.
“If you are watching at home… don’t pee. You will miss something.”
Just then, the third kick off in less than a minute flew downfield…and a dozen seconds later…Touchdown. Extra Point.
“I told you not to pee.”
Nobody knew that slogan would become the number one selling T-shirt in NFL History.
Everyone was glued to the TV…the game wasn’t even two minutes old yet, already Twitter had filled up every Sports Bar in the USA, Canada, Mexico, and even over in Britain. Word was out…something was happening.
And it happened.
The Fourth Kick off of the game ended up like the other three…this one took just nine seconds. Number 21 said later:
“It looked like a bowling alley with no pins at the end of the lane- so I just ran straight ahead.”
Touchdown. Extra Point. Score: 14 to 14. Time left in the First Quarter: 13 minutes fifty seven seconds. The Former Quarterback…now the freshest and most popular Analyst on any channel spoke up:
“And that is the last kickoff return you will see this game. (And he was correct) From now on they will either kick it deep, or out of bounds. The heck with the penalty…Coaches don’t want to give up touchdowns.”
The Play by Play announcer made his own astute observation:
“Nobody wants to give up touchdowns. But I bet the Punters are worried.”
Laughter.
*****
“I may not have a voice when this game is over…and I don’t want it to end.”
That comment came from the ragged voice of the former Star Quarterback now probably the best analyst in any broadcast booth.
The man answering him had won so many Emmy’s for Sports Broadcasting that he had to build a room at home to hold them all. His answer was just as telling.
“It is like you took the best players in the World, let them keep their Man bodies, but gave them back their childhood. These are Professional Players…Playing a Game!”
And then the former Texas Star made the Comment that headlined nearly every Article about the game, and set Twitter on Fire:
“These are giant men, playing a children’s game, in the World’s Biggest Backyard.”
T-shirts saying: “The World’s Biggest Back Yard Game…I was there.”, were printed up before the second half even began. They sold out as soon as they were posted online.
At the End of the Game, a hundred million T-shirts were sold that said:
I watched the World’t Biggest Back Yard Game- Did you?
For two and half billion people on the planet, the answer was…YES.
But that number paled in comparison to the Nearly one Billion T- shirts sold with arguably the most famous slogan ever uttered on National Television:
“I told you not to pee!’
*****
“What are the first half stats?”
“I am not sure…I think the Statistician died midway through the second quarter.”
(Laughter)
“Well, here is what they just handed me:
"Score: 63 to 61."
(Both announcers shake their heads in disbelief, or maybe…awe.)
“17 Touchdowns, 1 Field Goal, 1 Safety. 1817 yards of Offense. Both Quarterbacks have ratings off the charts.”
“Off the charts? They are going to need whole new charts!”
“I agree. I think this game will change the way football is played at this level.”
“I agree. It already has. I mean look at that!"
The Former Quarterback pointed down to the field. Neither team went into the Locker room for half time. When the final whistle blew for the half, they just laid down where they were on the field.
The twenty five Combat Medics who were introduced before the Super Bowl as part of the Ceremonies to Honor Vets, were on the Field now too- helping start IV’s, checking for exhaustion, hydration, and minor injuries. Along with the Medics, were some of the best Trainers from almost a dozen other NFL Teams who climbed out of the stands to add their expertise, offer help, and tend to the minor nicks and scrapes from the First Half of Football.
Midway through the First Quarter, both Teams assigned Hydration Teams and a Trainer to the Referees. It was a gesture that had never been seen before. The game had never been played with this kind of “giant kids in the backyard just having fun” fever pitch.
Even the Cheerleaders were running around with Gatorade Bottles for Players, Security Guards and Coaches…everyone wanted to help. These players were exhausted, but none showed any signs of quitting.
The Emmy Award winning Play by Play Announcer pointed out that not only the Players were exhausted, but he had just been handed a note that said more than six thousand FANS had been treated for exhaustion and dehydration.
“Do you have any Gatorade Stock?”
(Laughter again)
“If it keeps up like this, that stock is going to go through the roof. I just wonder if they have enough Gatorade to keep the Players hydrated.”
Just then two big trucks came out of the tunnel…hauling bottles of Gatorade.
The two Announcers looked at each other and broke out laughing.
“Someone at Gatorade has been watching the Game.”
*****
In the History of the NFL only five teams had ever combined scores of 100 points. Only once did both teams score at least fifty points. This game ended, after five overtimes, with both teams scoring over 100 points…by themselves. It ended in a tie.
The Commissioner - for the First Time in History- called for, and got, everyone to agree to a Co-Championship. Both teams were awarded the Super Bowl Winner Title. No one who saw the game saw fit to argue with the Ruling.
The most surprising announcement was the Award for Defensive Player of the Game. If you didn’t see the game, you couldn’t have been blamed for thinking there was no defense. After all, more than 19 players contributed to scoring at least one touchdown, the two Kickers added another 40 or so points in Field Goals and Extra Points, and the five Safeties, and six “Pic Sixes” and the four Special Teams Touchdowns…would make you think nobody was really trying.
They all were.
*****
The Game was over. There was no Ceremony that night. More than 80% of the Players had to spend the night in local Hospitals to recover. The two starting Quarterbacks spent seventy two hours in the same hospital. Exhaustion.
Every Sports Network in America gave their Staff the day following the Game the whole day off. After all, they were as exhausted and empty as the Players were…the game took a toll on everyone. For a day or two, nobody had the energy to do anything but be glad they saw the game.
The end of the Broadcast, after five overtimes, and six hours of coverage…was made famous by the Former Quarterback’s last comment. As usual, it was an astute analysis and funny:
“I am going to pee now.”
"I told you not to pee."(Kevin Hughes)
Nobody knew what the young Quarterback said to not only his team, but the other team, until well after the Game itself was over. Whatever it was he said when he called both teams to midfield (including Coaches) it worked. Later that speech would become the stuff of Legend. Just like the Game.
*****
Number 32 caught the first Kickoff of the Super Bowl. 13 seconds later…he crossed the Goal line. Touchdown. Extra Point.
19 seconds after the game started- Number 14, on the other team, caught the kick off seven yards deep in his own end zone. Fifteen seconds later…he crossed the Goal Line. Touchdown. Extra Point.
The former Super Star Quarterback, now well on the way to becoming a Hall of Fame Announcer made everyone laugh when he made a quiet observation.
“If you are watching at home… don’t pee. You will miss something.”
Just then, the third kick off in less than a minute flew downfield…and a dozen seconds later…Touchdown. Extra Point.
“I told you not to pee.”
Nobody knew that slogan would become the number one selling T-shirt in NFL History.
Everyone was glued to the TV…the game wasn’t even two minutes old yet, already Twitter had filled up every Sports Bar in the USA, Canada, Mexico, and even over in Britain. Word was out…something was happening.
And it happened.
The Fourth Kick off of the game ended up like the other three…this one took just nine seconds. Number 21 said later:
“It looked like a bowling alley with no pins at the end of the lane- so I just ran straight ahead.”
Touchdown. Extra Point. Score: 14 to 14. Time left in the First Quarter: 13 minutes fifty seven seconds. The Former Quarterback…now the freshest and most popular Analyst on any channel spoke up:
“And that is the last kickoff return you will see this game. (And he was correct) From now on they will either kick it deep, or out of bounds. The heck with the penalty…Coaches don’t want to give up touchdowns.”
The Play by Play announcer made his own astute observation:
“Nobody wants to give up touchdowns. But I bet the Punters are worried.”
Laughter.
*****
“I may not have a voice when this game is over…and I don’t want it to end.”
That comment came from the ragged voice of the former Star Quarterback now probably the best analyst in any broadcast booth.
The man answering him had won so many Emmy’s for Sports Broadcasting that he had to build a room at home to hold them all. His answer was just as telling.
“It is like you took the best players in the World, let them keep their Man bodies, but gave them back their childhood. These are Professional Players…Playing a Game!”
And then the former Texas Star made the Comment that headlined nearly every Article about the game, and set Twitter on Fire:
“These are giant men, playing a children’s game, in the World’s Biggest Backyard.”
T-shirts saying: “The World’s Biggest Back Yard Game…I was there.”, were printed up before the second half even began. They sold out as soon as they were posted online.
At the End of the Game, a hundred million T-shirts were sold that said:
I watched the World’t Biggest Back Yard Game- Did you?
For two and half billion people on the planet, the answer was…YES.
But that number paled in comparison to the Nearly one Billion T- shirts sold with arguably the most famous slogan ever uttered on National Television:
“I told you not to pee!’
*****
“What are the first half stats?”
“I am not sure…I think the Statistician died midway through the second quarter.”
(Laughter)
“Well, here is what they just handed me:
"Score: 63 to 61."
(Both announcers shake their heads in disbelief, or maybe…awe.)
“17 Touchdowns, 1 Field Goal, 1 Safety. 1817 yards of Offense. Both Quarterbacks have ratings off the charts.”
“Off the charts? They are going to need whole new charts!”
“I agree. I think this game will change the way football is played at this level.”
“I agree. It already has. I mean look at that!"
The Former Quarterback pointed down to the field. Neither team went into the Locker room for half time. When the final whistle blew for the half, they just laid down where they were on the field.
The twenty five Combat Medics who were introduced before the Super Bowl as part of the Ceremonies to Honor Vets, were on the Field now too- helping start IV’s, checking for exhaustion, hydration, and minor injuries. Along with the Medics, were some of the best Trainers from almost a dozen other NFL Teams who climbed out of the stands to add their expertise, offer help, and tend to the minor nicks and scrapes from the First Half of Football.
Midway through the First Quarter, both Teams assigned Hydration Teams and a Trainer to the Referees. It was a gesture that had never been seen before. The game had never been played with this kind of “giant kids in the backyard just having fun” fever pitch.
Even the Cheerleaders were running around with Gatorade Bottles for Players, Security Guards and Coaches…everyone wanted to help. These players were exhausted, but none showed any signs of quitting.
The Emmy Award winning Play by Play Announcer pointed out that not only the Players were exhausted, but he had just been handed a note that said more than six thousand FANS had been treated for exhaustion and dehydration.
“Do you have any Gatorade Stock?”
(Laughter again)
“If it keeps up like this, that stock is going to go through the roof. I just wonder if they have enough Gatorade to keep the Players hydrated.”
Just then two big trucks came out of the tunnel…hauling bottles of Gatorade.
The two Announcers looked at each other and broke out laughing.
“Someone at Gatorade has been watching the Game.”
*****
In the History of the NFL only five teams had ever combined scores of 100 points. Only once did both teams score at least fifty points. This game ended, after five overtimes, with both teams scoring over 100 points…by themselves. It ended in a tie.
The Commissioner - for the First Time in History- called for, and got, everyone to agree to a Co-Championship. Both teams were awarded the Super Bowl Winner Title. No one who saw the game saw fit to argue with the Ruling.
The most surprising announcement was the Award for Defensive Player of the Game. If you didn’t see the game, you couldn’t have been blamed for thinking there was no defense. After all, more than 19 players contributed to scoring at least one touchdown, the two Kickers added another 40 or so points in Field Goals and Extra Points, and the five Safeties, and six “Pic Sixes” and the four Special Teams Touchdowns…would make you think nobody was really trying.
They all were.
*****
The Game was over. There was no Ceremony that night. More than 80% of the Players had to spend the night in local Hospitals to recover. The two starting Quarterbacks spent seventy two hours in the same hospital. Exhaustion.
Every Sports Network in America gave their Staff the day following the Game the whole day off. After all, they were as exhausted and empty as the Players were…the game took a toll on everyone. For a day or two, nobody had the energy to do anything but be glad they saw the game.
The end of the Broadcast, after five overtimes, and six hours of coverage…was made famous by the Former Quarterback’s last comment. As usual, it was an astute analysis and funny:
“I am going to pee now.”
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- 3
Jason James Parker
03/03/2020A lot of fun to read, Kevin. Thank you for this story, I really needed it today. :)
ReplyHelp Us Understand What's Happening
Kevin Hughes
03/03/2020Hey Jason,
I hope you are having a better day...and don't pee!
Smiles, Kevin
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Help Us Understand What's Happening
JD
03/01/2020Dear Kevin, Thank you for all the many outstanding short stories you've shared on Storystar, and congratulations on being selected as one the Short Story STARS of the Week! :-)
ReplyHelp Us Understand What's Happening
JD
03/02/2020Thanks Kevin, I love hugs and dark chocolates!
I'm sending back hugs and donuts in thanks for all the GREAT short stories you've shared on Storystar!
THANK YOU! :-)
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Kevin Hughes
03/02/2020Wow Jd,
StoryStar Awards twice in a week?! Man oh man, you are determined to give my Ego a boost. It already can support most of the Western Hemisphere. LOL I do thank you for all you have done to promote us Writer Types (Hey! A pun!) Hugs and dark chocolates for you for sure!
Smiles, Kevin
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Gail Moore
09/08/2019Kevin, your stories are just so fantastic and so easy to relate to every day stuff.
Last weekend we watched the All Blacks. The score 92 to the All Blacks 7 to Tonga.
It was a hiding. I felt sorry for the Tongan team. All blacks must have too as they took one man off their team.
Everytime Shane went for a pee there was a run away try.
Me yelling out, you missed another try. Lol
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Gail Moore
09/09/2019Kevin the World Cup starts again on 20th September, Not long to go and everyone is looking forward to bringing the cup home once again.
Go NZ.
I must say though I am more looking forward to the America’s cup in the yachting.
It’s being held very close to home so we will be lucky enough to be watching live.
Have a great day :-)
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Kevin Hughes
09/09/2019Wow! I knew the All Blacks were a good team ( I believe they have won the World Rugby Championship a couple of times) but 92 to 7? Against those giant fast and quick Tongans? Oh, My. Truth is stranger than fiction.
Smiles, Kevin
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Help Us Understand What's Happening
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Kevin Hughes
09/07/2019Aloha Readers,
If you are unfamiliar with American Football - to get the "Story" just imagine the most improbable (but fun!) Soccer, Cricket, Rugby, or Australian Rules Football Game you can imagine watching. Have the score and the skill of the Athletes be beyond any "reality."
The Game of the Millenium played by the best Athletes to ever live, and make sure they are having the same amount of fun that they had when they were ten years old playing in an alley, or on an old piece of land, or in a field with sweaters and cans as pitch markers!
Then just enjoy watching grown up play with that level of fun!
Smiles, Kevin
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Aziz
09/07/2019I never played American football and i don't know the rules but I tried to follow the story. It is exciting and entails suspens. It was like watching a movie.
Well done
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Help Us Understand What's Happening
Kevin Hughes
09/07/2019Aloha Aziz,
I posted a short note above to explain how to read the story if you don't understand American Football! I should have included an Author's Note at the beginning of the Story...but, I forgot!
Smiles, Kevin
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