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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Kids
- Theme: Mystery
- Subject: Adventure
- Published: 11/11/2018
One day a mother and daughter went camping, her daughter’s name was Amy, they go every year as a happy family, the 3 of them used to tell stories over the fire, sing and roast marshmallows. You must be wondering who the third person is? Well the third person sadly passed away in a horrible accident. When Amy and her mother got to the camping site, they looked around..... There was nobody there; all you could hear are the birds chirping. They were wondering where everyone was? Mom said "they probably just went to the town". They set up their tent and then started to get the fire on. Then they heard a noise.....
They stood up and looked around, they saw it....It was just a big bird stomping on the leaves. They were relieved, so they carried on with starting the fire. Amy sat around the fire while mom made lunch. Amy asked mom "can I go into the woods to explore?" mom nicely said no. "why?" asked Amy as mom turned around to face Amy. "you are not going in the woods, no means no!" shouted mom. Amy knew exactly why, as she put a frown on her face. Mom gave her the lunch; they sat there quietly eating their lunch until Amy asked her mom, "when are you going to get over it?" Mom said sadly "I don't know Amy, it’s just too hard to let go, I’m really going to miss him." "It’s hard for me too but one of these days you are going to have to let it go" said Amy. Mom didn't say a word after that; they just sat quietly eating lunch.
Amy thought, since mom doesn't let me go in the woods I’m going to go myself....' She ran off into the woods when mom wasn't looking. as she was running she stopped.... she saw the cave. She didn't know what to do so she froze....She could see the blood. She knew it wasn't really there but she could see it. She heard her mom calling her name. She didn't know whether to go back to mom or carry on going. She stood there for a minute; and decided to go back to mom. She started to run as fast as she could, but then stopped......
She heard a noise, turned around, saw a black figure standing in front of her. It came closer so she started to walk backwards; tripped on a rock and fell to the ground..... It was on top of her.... it covered her eyes and mouth. Amy was never to be seen again. All that was left was her shoe......
The cave(Karina)
One day a mother and daughter went camping, her daughter’s name was Amy, they go every year as a happy family, the 3 of them used to tell stories over the fire, sing and roast marshmallows. You must be wondering who the third person is? Well the third person sadly passed away in a horrible accident. When Amy and her mother got to the camping site, they looked around..... There was nobody there; all you could hear are the birds chirping. They were wondering where everyone was? Mom said "they probably just went to the town". They set up their tent and then started to get the fire on. Then they heard a noise.....
They stood up and looked around, they saw it....It was just a big bird stomping on the leaves. They were relieved, so they carried on with starting the fire. Amy sat around the fire while mom made lunch. Amy asked mom "can I go into the woods to explore?" mom nicely said no. "why?" asked Amy as mom turned around to face Amy. "you are not going in the woods, no means no!" shouted mom. Amy knew exactly why, as she put a frown on her face. Mom gave her the lunch; they sat there quietly eating their lunch until Amy asked her mom, "when are you going to get over it?" Mom said sadly "I don't know Amy, it’s just too hard to let go, I’m really going to miss him." "It’s hard for me too but one of these days you are going to have to let it go" said Amy. Mom didn't say a word after that; they just sat quietly eating lunch.
Amy thought, since mom doesn't let me go in the woods I’m going to go myself....' She ran off into the woods when mom wasn't looking. as she was running she stopped.... she saw the cave. She didn't know what to do so she froze....She could see the blood. She knew it wasn't really there but she could see it. She heard her mom calling her name. She didn't know whether to go back to mom or carry on going. She stood there for a minute; and decided to go back to mom. She started to run as fast as she could, but then stopped......
She heard a noise, turned around, saw a black figure standing in front of her. It came closer so she started to walk backwards; tripped on a rock and fell to the ground..... It was on top of her.... it covered her eyes and mouth. Amy was never to be seen again. All that was left was her shoe......
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Jess
11/12/2018This is a review:
The main idea of this story is good, but it is badly written and has many grammatical errors. Things like the main characters and what they are doing need to be described better and, in more depth, it needs to be edited, the ending needs to be changed and certain things need to be explained. For example, the whole story is just a girl and her mum going on a camping trip, the girl going into a cave, getting attacked and disappearing. I understand it is a short story but it is boring and needs to be continued. What happened to the girl? The best part is cut off. Also, at the start it says that there are three people the main character, her mum and the other person got killed in a horrible accident and throughout the story it talks about their sadness but, it isn’t explained at all who this person is and that would help the reader understand the characters sadness and their relationships.
If I were to rate this story, I would give it 1 star out of 5 because, it has potential but is written badly and needs to be edited. I wouldn’t recommend this story to anyone.
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Help Us Understand What's Happening
Karina
11/15/2018thank you guys and i hope the feed back will help me on my wiriting and yes i am only 11 so i am still learning
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Jess
11/13/2018We had to write a review for school so i decided to be a bit hard. This isn't bad for her age, it just needs to be improved and the plot idea is smart.
Help Us Understand What's Happening
JD
11/11/2018Your story made me feel really sad for Amy's mom, who seems to have lost both her children to similar circumstances. I know it is just fiction, but you made the story believable and that is why it made me feel so sad.
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Help Us Understand What's Happening
JD
11/12/2018I guess now I'm not sure the 3rd person is her son. You left a lot of things open to interpretation and guesswork, so I guess I just guessed. Anyway, I hope you keep writing and improving your storytelling skills. The more you read and write, the better you will become.
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Karina
11/12/2018I'm sorry if it made you feel sad but are you sure the 3rd person is her son? Although did you like the story?
COMMENTS (5)