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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Love stories / Romance
- Subject: Love / Romance / Dating
- Published: 12/27/2015
The Summer of 1949
Born 1995, F, from Zenica, Bosnia And HerzegowinaThe Summer of 1949
Chapter 1
By
Lamya Mila
And if sun comes
How shall we greet him?
Shall we not dread him,
Shall we not fear him
After so lengthy a
Session with shade?
- Gwendolyn Brooks, Truth
For my dear friend who helped me to face my fears and write again. I have finished this story thanks to you. I hope some other people will be lucky enough to meet you as I have.
- L.D.
1933
If the cards Sharon Patt had been dealt in life taught her anything, it was that it was never wise to be a sentimental woman. The pain of loss could never burn you if you kept yourself from loving in the first place.
Sharon was a firsthand witness to the brutality of sudden loss, as so many nurses would. Death just creeps upon people. It takes them away and the only thing that remains are fading memories. Nobody gets spared. Not even children, especially now when the death rate is higher than ever. It is not wise to grow attached to children during these times. Death will rip them off and take them away and you will never get a chance to mourn. It’s better not to know them.
1939
Her Jimmy is only six and Sharon tries not to think that this time it might be a final goodbye. Jim was born weak and small. Sharon remembers hearing his silent cries, grasping his shuddering light frame in her arms and desperately trying to will his lungs to push the air in and out. She remembers closing her eyes and taking deep breaths as if trying to breathe for him. At that moment, Sharon knew that Jim, her son, her baby boy had taken her breath away. Nothing else mattered.
For Sharon, Hoboken, New Jersey, was a place where she hoped to build a solid future for her son and herself. For two months Sharon was working at Riley’s as a seamstress. She was the only one who knew how to use a sewing machine in the building and she had no other job. She paid her rent with her poor salary, hardly bringing any food to the table.
Hoboken was a place where Sharon hoped to feel secure. Where the prying eyes and the smell of cigarettes and whiskey won’t haunt her dreams and where she won’t flinch over every sound and every touch. Sharon doesn’t like to be touched or to touch anymore. Her Jimmy is the only exception.
Her hands are clammy and soft as she touches Jimmy’s forehead.
- Honey, you’re gonna be alright. - She says softly in his ear as if not to disturb him.
His face is scrunched up and covered in a thin layer of sweat. She prays to God that Jimmy’s temperature will break down. Her eyes trace the hard wooden floor all the way up to the old nightstand. Little statue of an angel placed under the lamp gives her some comfort.
- I’m here. - She murmurs praying to whoever is willing to listen up there.
Sharon never understood her mother’s God. As a child she grew up in a great poverty. Her father would often come home stumbling over his own feet smelling of tobacco, perfume and alcohol. She never questioned her mother out loud. She never dared to. If her mother had some comfort in believing and praying, Sharon didn’t deem herself as somebody who should question. It was simply something her mother learned from Sharon’s grandmother.
She tried to believe in what her mother believed in. She tried to hope that someone up there was listening to her prayers every night when she went to bed, but over the years Sharon gave up. She gave up on thinking that somebody would calmly look down on humans noticing their pain and suffering. It never seemed fair to her. It never seemed human to her or God- like.
But there in a rather cool room on Sunday afternoon while taking care of her sick son, Sharon believed. She believed with all her heart. She dared to hope that God would miraculously make Jimmy’s pain go away. Make it all go away.
1941
Sharon swore she would rather have Jimmy and herself somewhere in the mountains far, far away without proper food supplies and electricity than to deal with the patients in the hospital. World was at war, and Sharon felt as if peace never existed in the first place. The last two years seemed to pass like in a haze as if it was yesterday that Mrs. Cornwall invited her over to listen to the news on radio.
- Yesterday, December 7th, 1941, a date which will live in infamy, United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the empire of Japan. The United States was at peace with that nation, and, at the solicitation of Japan, was still in conversation with its government and its emperor, looking towards the maintenance of peace in the Pacific...
It turned out Sharon soon received the news of her brother’s death. James was her elder brother and she vividly remembered the day she left home for New Jersey. She remembered his uniform and the smell of tobacco on his breath when he hugged her whispering that everything will be fine and that he will be back to meet the little kicker in her belly. There was something in his voice that made Sharon believe that James knew why she was leaving home pregnant. But James never questioned who the father was. So Sharon let herself be grateful for that. She honestly didn’t know how to talk about that or whether she wanted for James to ship out to Italy knowing about Sharon’s pain. Now, with him gone, Sharon begun regretting her silence.
1943
Jimmy is ten and Sharon doesn’t know how to balance her job as a nurse in a local hospital and Jimmy’s endless questions. She knew that Jimmy wanted to spend some more time with her to get to know her beyond the tired looks and a pained expression over her sore back. Sharon understood Jimmy’s enthusiasm when she would come to Miss. Cornwall to pick him up. Tiredly she would smile down at her boy and ask him if he had been any trouble to Mr. Cornwall. The answer would always be the same.
- Oh, Sharon, he was golden. He helped me around a lot. Didn’t you Jimmy?
Jimmy would beam up at Mr. Cornwall and blush when she would give him a cookie.
On the way out Sharon would insist that Mr. Cornwall takes some money for having her son over, but even this time answer was the same as the previous one:
- Sharon, please put that thing away. Your boy is nothing but a joy to have around. Save that money and please do come again.
Sharon would leave with her boy by her side swearing that the next time she would make Mrs. Cornwall take the money.
Donovan’s boy Danny has entered their lives and Sharon feels like she has two boys now, playing on the endless streets of Hoboken. Her own two angels. Jimmy hasn’t been sick for a while and Sharon is eternally grateful for Danny’s presence. Her Jim is growing up so fast, making new friends and everything Sharon wanted for him is finally coming forth. Jimmy’s hazel eyes hold the same shine that she once had and his beauty is showing up through his pale skin and chestnut hair. His frame is still lanky, but to Sharon he’s the solid mass that keeps her grounded.
- Can we go out Mrs. Patt?- Danny asks following Jim through the hall.
Danny is two years older than her boy and the first time they had met he had picked crying Jim from the playground. He had won her son’s affections and ever since they were inseparable.
- No, you can’t - Sharon smiled folding Jim’s shirt and placing it in the closet.
She heard their soft whispers and footsteps.
- Funny, ma.
Jimmy’s voice rang down the hall as he pushed Danny out in the main hall.
- Have fun. - Sharon replied snickering to herself.
Sharon never had time to ponder on where boys of their age would spend time during day or what game they would chose to play when they go out. She vaguely remembers the games she played as a child. She hardly remembers the laughter, joy or fun of running around the neighborhoods. Her feet ached too much right now and her shoulders were slouched forward in attempts to hold herself up. Sometimes she thinks she will crumble down if she breathes in too deeply. Sometimes she holds her breath to see if she would.
The Summer of 1949
Chapter 2
by Lamya Mila
1945
Jimmy is twelve and Sharon gives her best not to get too emotional when she sees her two boys limping down the street. Her chest warms up seeing Danny supporting her boy and guiding him forward whispering about ‘small steps’ and ‘almost theres’.
- Danny,’m fine, really. You don’t haveta-.
- Jimbo, If your ma catches us like this, she’s gonna give me some nice whippin’.
Jim flinched. Mom would never hurt him or Danny for that matter, she would lecture him for two hours on ‘Importance to not to pick fights’, ‘What did I tell you about Fat Bill and his pals?’, ‘Mind is a powerful weapon’ and ‘You’re lucky Danny was there to pick up your sorry behind’. And he would feel sorry, not because he did pick the fight with Fat Bill but because the bastard mentioned Jim’s dad. He would not feel sorry because Danny stepped in to drag Jim away from red faced and gasping Fat Bill. He would feel sorry because he knows that his mother worries and fusses over every single scratch and bruise on his knees and cheeks. He would feel sorry because his ma works night shift at the hospital. He should have been more composed, but Jim cannot even hold his anger down. Instead of lashing out like a mad dog he knows himself to be when someone mentions his family or Danny; he should really work on his anger management or at least improve his fighting skills. He’s really grateful to have Danny by his side. Somehow the older boy manages to smack some sense in Jim’s head with his southern accent and carefree smiles. Sometimes Jim wonders how they ever came to be friends. Jim was hot-headed and impulsive while Danny was easy going and all smiles.
As it turns out, his ma said nothing. She just washed his knees and knuckles and told him to be more careful. Her silence hurt more than any words could, more than any bruise or a scratch could. Jim bowed his head hoping his hair would sprout out from all the stupidity contained in his head and cover his reddening face. Danny was sitting silently next to him trying to figure out when Mrs. Patt would come back with a wooden paddle.
- We don’t have one, Danny. - Jimmy sighed when ma disappeared in the kitchen to fetch the bandage.
- Have what, Jimbo? - Danny said and gulped when he heard a low ‘thud’ from where Mrs. Patt was.
- Paddle, punk. - Jimmy bit back watching his friend’s face turn slightly white.
He could sense Danny relax as his ma emerged from the kitchen with a bandage in her hand. Danny really was a punk; his ma would never hurt him.
- Give me your hand, honey. - His ma said kneeling beside him and placing the scissors on the table.
He could hear Danny trying to keep his face straight when his ma deliberately used other pet names.
- What did Fat Bill say this time, Danny? -She asked, carefully holding Jimmy’s hand up so she could wrap the cloth around.
Danny nervously fidgeted looking down at his fingers.
- He mentioned Jim’s dad, ma’am.
Sharon swallowed and nodded. She proceeded to work in the silence.
- Ma… Bill said father was a traitor. – Jimmy said
Sharon’s breath hitched and she kissed Jimmy’s hand and looked at her two boys. Jimmy said ‘Bill’ and Sharon wondered if that good-for-nothing boy said that just to get Jim’s blood rile up or he might have heard something from his parents. She knew that Jim had chosen to use his name correctly out of some, unknown to her, respect for Bill if the boy was right. Danny was not looking up. The boy must have been praying for this to be over soon. They never talked about Jim’s father. Danny never asked.
- Oh, honey. – Sharon managed a weak smile and Jimmy leaned back to inspect his hand.
- Your father was no such a thing, you hear me Jimmy? – Sharon whispered and Jimmy looked up to meet her blue eyes.
Danny looked up too. He noticed Mrs. Patt’s forced smile and the tired intakes of breath.
- Jimbo, Fat Bill was just trying to get to ya. – Danny said managing a small smile himself. Sharon looked at the other boy with something close to appreciation.
- It worked. – Jimmy said looking away.
She studied Jim’s face for a few more seconds. Huffing she got up and said:
- Go, wash yourself, honey, it’s time for a supper.
Danny looked at her and Sharon could practically hear all the questions the boy wanted to ask. She nodded at him in silent promise that she will answer some of them when the time comes. Danny cared too much for her Jimmy and Sharon could do so much to return the favor. Jimmy doesn’t have to know about their silent agreement. Sharon doesn’t know how truth would affect her boy. Sometimes, she concludes, is best to know nothing.
1947
- I’m so sorry, Sharon. - Mrs. Cornwall says sipping her tea and trying not to tap her fingers in staccato rhythm on the cheap china cup she got from her great- grandmother.
Sharon figured that nobody would feel sorry to the level she felt it. The cancer has spread on the left lung and sometimes Sharon wishes she had smoked in the past so she would know where it came from. She could at least tell herself ‘I told you so’.
Jimmy is fourteen and Danny is sixteen. Danny has already started chasing after dames while Jimmy is too busy keeping his job as the newspaper delivery boy. Danny works at the docks down at the Castle Point sometimes when he wants to earn some extra bucks. His parents are still stern and cold people Sharon once knew. Sharon didn’t mind having Danny over. The boy proved to be a true blessing. She couldn’t count on the fingers how many times he had helped Jimmy or how many times he had helped Sharon for that matter. Lately, Jimmy would come back home at 11 AM coughing because of the cold morning air. He would get up at 5, silently dress himself, make a coffee for his ma, take the keys and leave the flat closing the door silently behind. Sharon couldn’t work the night shift at the hospital anymore. They had her working at 2 PM because of her health condition. Her colleagues supported her and they made sure she didn’t strain too much while working.
It was in November that she came down with another cold. Sharon was not getting any younger and she spent her time in bed thinking about her soon and how would he manage without her.
The soft tapping of rain settled her thoughts and she turned toward the window to watch the gray clouds. Sharon found herself thinking about that cold night when the man in black stole away her childhood away leaving her to bleed on the empty streets near the city of Nashville, Tennessee.
Sharon always told herself that she must be strong for Jimmy. She was a woman of action and she worked day and night to provide a warm meal in her son’s belly and to keep the roof over their heads. She never regretted anything in her life. She never regretted those sleepless nights when baby Jim would cry out of hunger or cold seeking his mother’s breast and warm embrace. She never regretted waking up with Jimmy by her side curled up after a terrible nightmare. She will never regret if she leaves Jim in good capable hands of the boy they had both grown to love, Danny. She felt as if it would not be fair to have Danny take care of her son. They were just boys, for crying out loud. Sure, they had jobs and Sharon would leave the flat to Jimmy, but that doesn’t mean that Jimmy’s job would prove to be enough to pay off the rent or to help him pursue his dreams and carrier.
Sure, Danny chased after dames and he even went out to dance with them, but every time Jim felt down Danny would come and they would go out to the docks where Danny’s uncle and boss Mr. Hardy worked. He loved boys as much as Sharon did. She wouldn’t dream to mention that to Danny, but Sharon felt as if her boy wasn’t interested in dames as much as Danny was. Jimmy would occasionally go out, but he still wasn’t allowed to go where Danny was going late at night. Jimmy never said anything about girls in his class. Sharon knew that Jimmy respected young ladies as a true gentleman would.
Again, Sharon finds herself thinking about God and the selfish prick he was. She made sure that Jimmy believed. Sharon would go to Church every second Sunday with Jimmy and Danny when Danny’s mother Mrs. Donovan claimed that she had to go to visit her cousin and take care of Ol’ Martha, Danny’s grandmother.
Sharon had it up to here with that woman’s excuses. Danny never said anything; he would just come in his best Sunday clothes to pick Jimmy up. Sharon would buy them some sweet ice over summer days or hot bread fresh from the oven in the bakery around the corner during winter.
Danny claimed that her bread was the best one he had ever tasted. They would sit in the kitchen and Sharon would place the butter and salt on the table. She would chat with them and smile whenever her son blushed at Danny’s antics. The boy had talent to make her son blush when they talked about dames and dancing.
- Jimmy will find a nice girl someday, won’t you Jimmy? – Sharon asked amused by her son’s habit of licking his fingers after every bite.
She idly wondered if she was doing the same thing while eating.
- Ma! – Jimmy’s answer rang through the kitchen and Danny ruffled his chestnut hair ducking when Jim went to smack him over his head.
- Jimbo here will be a real knockout when he grows up. – Danny joked.
Sharon wondered how Jim would look like when he becomes a real man. Would he iron his shirts and pants?
- Dames will wait in the line just to dance with him. – He added when Jimmy attempted to shut his mouth with his palm.
- They won’t, punk! – Jimmy said and glared at his best friend.
- Nuh- uh, they sure will! – Danny grinned with full mouth making Jim push his shoulder, causing the salt container to spill over.
- Language, Jim. – Sharon warned and Danny snickered when Jim bowed his head.
- Sorry, ma’am. – Jimmy said and Sharon smiled sitting down across the two of them.
Sharon remembered that day they talked in the kitchen. She remembered how her son would look up to Danny with something close to affection. Sharon wouldn’t know. She never loved somebody as much as she loved her boys. She never knew much about affections or secret glances Jimmy would direct at his best friend when he thought that the other one wasn’t looking. All of a sudden her son’s face became serious and Danny went stiff by his side. They must have talked about whatever Jimmy was about to ask.
- Ma, if I may ask about father, I really want to know more about him. – Jim asked quietly as if he was afraid of his ma’s reaction.
- Sure thing, honey. - Sharon said feeling that old fear creeping up her lungs and making it hard to breathe.
The boy had a right to ask. He had a right to know.
- What did he look like? – Jimmy asked after some time causing Danny to perk up his head in interest.
Sharon had no idea how to answer on that one.
- Hey, Jimbo, how about I tell ya everything y’wanna know. Mrs. Pattsure looks tired. She had been on her feet since this mornin’, y’know.
God Bless him, indeed.
- How’d you know about my father, Dan? – Jimmy asked puzzled.
Sharon gave a slight nod to Danny.
- Your ma told me, ain’t that right Mrs. Patt? – Danny smiled easing the tension in her chest.
- That’s right, Danny. I’ll let you begin, how does that sound for you Jimmy? – She asked gently picking up the salt container.
Jimmy smiled that full teeth smile of a fourteen- year old kid eager to find out the answers on his endless list of questions. Danny settled in his chair and looked over at Jimmy.
- Jimbo, your old man was good- looking, don’t worry ‘bout that, accordin’ to your ma’s sayin’, he was in a navy. Five months after you were born he shipped out back to Europe, he was British-. – Jim’s eyes widened and he looked at his ma in awe.
- British? – Jimmy repeated and Danny smiled.
- Kid, you gotta promise not to interrupt me. – Danny said in a mimicked voice of some old man telling a story to a little kid.
- Uh, fine. - Jimmy said looking at his friend and setting his lip in something close to a pout.
- Your ma met him the first time when she went to the medical school back in Nashville.
- What was he doing there? – Jimmy bit back his words when Danny laughed.
- Jimbo, be patient.
- He was on a shore leave. He had an aunt back in Nashville, he would come to visit her every second year. – Sharon said as if remembering the events and Danny nodded.
- Your ma here, she was some fine lady. Still is, but your ol’ man fell in love the first time he had laid his eyes on ‘er. – Danny said and smiled at Jimmy’s delighted expression.
Sharon blushed. She had no idea that Danny had it in himself to make her blush too.
- They went out dancin’ one night. Your ol’ man had some killer moves, Jimbo, he swept your ma off her feet, ain’t that right Miss. Patt? – Danny asked smiling when he noticed little Jimmy expecting his ma to take over.
Sharon smiled and nodded.
- It’s true, Jimmy. Your father had the most captivating hazel eyes I had ever seen. Just like yours. – Sharon found herself easily flowing with Danny’s story.
- We sneaked out one night. My old mother was sleeping and father was working on the farm late that night. He took me out dancing. I had never danced before. He showed me how. – Sharon said and Jimmy smiled.
His eyes were glassy and Sharon took a deep breath in, she had never seen her soon so happy, except maybe when he was with Danny. They talked for a while and Sharon tried to direct her glances at Danny to show him how much this meant to her. How much it all meant to her, to see her soon eagerly listen every word they say. To see on his beautiful face how he imagined his father and mother dancing at the country fair. For Sharon figured that the family does not end with blood
That night she fell asleep with music in her head, dancing with some stranger till the sunrise appeared over the horizon.
January, 1949
Jimmy is sixteen and Danny is eighteen. Danny is soon reporting to the military camp. People talked about the Communists in the far away Russia and about President Truman telling the Russians to retreat from Japan. Everywhere he went they would question him if he had enlisted. Short Tim down at the barber’s asked him if he was happy to serve his country. He grinned at the old man and said in the best cheerful voice he could muster:
- Who wouldn’t be happy to serve their country, God bless America!
Yes, God bless America indeed. God bless him for he was about to leave not knowing what kind of a man he’ll be when he returns. If he returns.The promise of American prosperity hung heavily in the air as locals complained over the German pilgrims in hushed voices. Danny couldn’t care less about the rumors and sayings. He wasn’t happy about leaving. He didn’t want to leave Jimmy and Mrs. Patt.
He felt relieved when they told him that they will not ship out the new recruits to Europe. He honestly doubted his mother would care. His father had tapped him on his back after reading the first letter and sad:
- My boy’s becoming a man. The army will make a man out of you, son, just you wait.
Danny waited. He waited nervously for the second letter to appear in their mail box. He waited for the right moment to announce the news to Mrs. Patt and Jim. He wasn’t sure how Jim would take the news, but he had to do it. When he had finally told Mrs. Patt and Jimmy about the news, Mrs. Patt cried all the tears his own mother didn’t. She went down and bought some sugar to make a cake after she hugged him hard enough to bruise. Jimmy was silent, hazel eyes searching his brown ones and trying to figure out if this was just another one of Danny’s pranks. Well, this time, life pulled a supreme prank on Danny.
- You gonna come back, Dan? – Jim asked when his ma left.
Danny looked at his best friend. He soaked up the boys’ still lanky frame, his wide hazel eyes and sun-kissed hair. He remembered all those summers they raced from the old bridge of the Hudson River back to the docks with smiles plastered on their sweaty faces and pockets full of dirty river stones. Jimmy always said that if they kept them long enough they would turn into gems. They never did and Danny made sure to throw them back into the river as far as he could, which was pretty far.
- Ain’t no place like home, Jimmy. – Danny found himself answering.
His throat tightened up and his palms begun sweating. He couldn’t leave Jimmy. The boy meant too much to him. Danny didn’t want to think what would have become out of him if he hadn’t picked up that cry-baby off the playground. His life had begun with Jim Patt and he dared to hope it will end up with the same name.
He wondered about all those nights they went over to the bridge and down in the park to gaze up at the starry sky. Jimmy loved watching stars and Danny liked making up the stories. He would often come up with some story and make Jimmy laugh in the eerie silence of the park. The sound of Jimmy’s laughter would make him laugh too.
Jimmy’s eyes prickled at the corners. The tears fought hard to find their way out. Danny never said that Jim meant a home to him. Danny never felt at home in his own apartment, with his parents. Jimmy knew how Danny’s parents tried to pull their son out of school to send him to work permanently down at the docks.His ma was always saying that the school is the most important thing in their lives and when he heard about Mrs. Donovan’s plan his ma paid them a visit to talk them out of it, because where Danny went, Jim followed. It was as if they were joined at hips. And his ma knew that Jimmy would spend most of his time at the docks with Danny instead of studying.
- Hey, hey, what’s the long face for, Jimbo?
Did Danny know how much he meant to Jim? Jim was no fool. He knew what happened to fellas like him. Danny and he would sometimes hear about some men being beaten up and thrown down the lane of the river. They called them ‘fairies’. Jimmy was a type of a person who would argue with people over the shade of green of the grass. It was no wonder Danny kept quiet when Jimmy said that people can’t help it if they love someone, and that it shouldn’t matter whether it was a fine soft dame or a nice fella. When he thinks about it, he had said it quietly, maybe Danny never heard him right.
- You are going somewhere where I can’t follow, jerk. – Jimmy said and the tears just spilled over.
- I’m so sorry, it’s just… I-. – Jim begun bowing his head down and trying to calm himself down.
- Come ‘ere.
Jim looked up in time to see Danny’s face. His deep brown eyes were full of compassion and something Jimmy never dared to question.
Jimmy took a few steps and was almost thrown off his feet when Danny crushed him in a hug that spoke more than the words ever could. Jimmy let himself break, there in the living room of his ma’s flat, in the arms of his best friend, of the best human being he grew to love too much for his own good.
- I’ll come back, Jimbo, hey… you won’t even notice that I’m gone. – Danny whispered and lowered his head to breathe in the smell of Jimmy’s hair.
He felt Jimmy’s hands clutching his arms tightly and just holding on as the warmth of Jimmy’s lean frame pressed against him made him let out a shuddering breath of his own.
Sharon struggled with the bags from the grocery store. She couldn’t afford to buy a cake in a bakery; she figured her mother’s recipe will have to do. It was freezing outside and the sidewalk was slippery enough for her to make her want to crawl on all fours. She silently cursed the winter and ice stopping to catch her breath as her throat went dry. She coughed quietly which turned into series of harsh coughs. She felt lightheaded and she struggled to stand up straight and climb up the stairs. She was just about to unlock the door of the flat when another coughing fit stopped her. She felt cold all over. Her forehead was covered in a thin layer of cool sweat. Her lungs ached as she tried to calm down. She lowered the bag down and placed the palm of her hand on her mouth. It came away back with blood on it and she soon took a handkerchief to wipe it off. She will wash them when Jimmy falls asleep.
She opened the door and walked in tucking the handkerchief in the pocket of her jumper. She had to wrestle with the bag, but she soon managed to get in surprisingly silent. She took the bag to the kitchen and came to the living room to greet her boys. She stopped dead in the tracks when she saw Jimmy hugging Danny’s bulk frame as if his life depended on it. Jimmy’s shoulders were shaking and Danny was nuzzling her son’s hair.
- Shhh, your ma will come back soon, kiddo. Don’t want her to see your snotty face, come on, Jimmy, look at me. – Danny whispered.
Jimmy backed off slightly still holding onto Danny’s arms. He managed a quiet laugh which sounded hoarse and tired.
- You’re right. She doesn’t need to worry ‘bout this too. It’s enough as it is.
Jimmy knew his ma is sometimes barely standing on her two feet. He noticed how she would suppress her coughs trying, and failing, to hide her bloodied handkerchiefs far away from Jim’s prying eyes. It pained him to see her swaying frame at the end of the shift and to hear her shuddering breaths and strangled voice after a fit of coughs. Her posture became more and more hunched and sometimes she would start saying something and leave it unfinished. She lost weight running down the hospital’s hallways and not eating enough even when Jim would make a supper. Sometimes he wondered if she noticed the paleness of her own face or the way she would bite her lips and draw blood while sitting in the armchair and reading not really looking at the words on the stained pages.
Sharon slipped out quietly and went into the kitchen listening to their soft murmurs and whispers. Her hands were shaking as she opened the bag. The dim light of the room was casting out the shadows over the kitchen counter. There was a sound of clock ticking away on the wall and the sound of quick breaths. It passed some time until she realized that it was her who was shaking in the kitchen and breathing as if her lungs have left her chest. Her mind kept playing the scene from the living room all over again. She shook her head as if trying to make some sense out of it. She remembered all the times her boys played pranks on their neighbors when they were younger. All the times they hugged and slept next to each other on Jimmy’s small bed…
Silly old Sharon, the boys were like brothers. She recalled Danny’s first day at school. Mrs. Donovan was away on family’s farm near Stow Creek so she couldn’t take care of Danny, while Mr. Donovan was away working on the railroad, Sharon never bothered to ask where. She remembers Jimmy’s red cheeks and glassy eyes when she told him that Danny was about to start the school. He asked her if he could come with Danny too, which made her sigh in defeat. Really… these boys were unbelievable. So, it happened that Jimmy waited for Danny at the playground every day after school and if someone asked Danny who was that scrawny looking boy sitting on a swing he would say that it was his little brother Jimmy. Sharon’s heart would leap out of her chest from joy upon seeing them walking down the street and hearing little Danny explaining to Jimmy the simplicity of alphabet or the new number they were learning that day. What remained in her memory the most were her two boys sprawled on a couch reading some book Sharon got from her Mrs. Cornwall. Danny would often misread the word, but Sharon never corrected him, while Jimmy would listen and occasionally repeat some difficult word Danny struggled to pronounce just to hear if he could do better than Danny.
- That any civilized human being in this nineteenth century should not be aware that the earth travelled round the sun appeared to me to be such an ext - extra... ummm- exraotinee... dammnit!. - Danny grumbled irritated.
- Extra- what? – Jimmy asked trying to catch a glimpse of the line Danny was previously reading.
- -Ordinary, I guess. – Danny said trying to pronounce the word silently.
- Extraaaaoooordinary! – Jimmy said pulling out the word at vowels.
- Extrooo, no… ah, bugger! – Danny said angrily closing the stupid book.
The word refused to cooperate and it bugged the Hell out of him. Sharon just watched amused with crinkles at the corners of her eyes. She will not laugh.
- Come on, Danny, repeat after me: Extraaaaooordinary! - Jimmy’s high pitched voice made the other boy flinch.
- No way, Jimbo… - Danny said calmly.
Sharon stepped in carrying the tray of freshly made lemonade.
- Honey, can you fetch the ice from Mrs. Cornwall?
- Right away, ma. – Jimmy said bouncing down and running towards the door.
Sharon didn’t bother to yell after him to stop running.
- How was it at school today, Danny? – She asked placing the tray down on the table.
She poured a glass for Danny first waiting for Jimmy to return with some ice.
- ‘T was extraordinary ma’am.
The Summer of 1949
Chapter 3
by Lamya Mila
July, 1949
Daniel Donovan pinched the bridge of his nose while staring at the metal ashtray and some papers stacked neatly on the barrel the boys used as a table. The military training camp was just like Short Tim described. The poor old bastard’s mouth turned out to be useful for once. Danny will never forget when Short Tim lied to Danny’s ma that he had stolen a brand new razor behind his back. As if something could pass unnoticed behind that midget’s back at all. He might have forgotten about some details, but he will never forget him ma’s yelling and his pa’s leather belt. His ma held too much pride to let Short Tim suspect the possibility she might have raised a thief, which Danny was not. Pride, Danny concluded, was something poor people had instead of money. Danny sighed looking around the camp. Ain’t no room for a kind and good fella like Jimmy. Danny took a cigarette out of his pocket and fixed his gaze back on the cards in his hand.
- Dan, whatcha got there, buddy? – Pizzano asked chewing on the straw of a grass.
The Italian grinned showing his crooked front teeth making Danny wonder if they were crooked because of all pizzas the man ate back in Italy. He was sure pizza will have to wait for a long time to find itself in Danny’s hands. Army does change a man.
The smell of the spring was high up in the air and Danny idly wondered if Jim’s asthma had kicked back in. The mosquitoes in the air were buzzing loudly and the smell of oil and guns filled his nostrils as he breathed in. There was nothing else the boys talked about besides home, baseball and some more baseball. Jimmy and Danny were both big fans of The Brooklyn’s boys, The Dodgers, and Jimmy fancied Jackie the most. Although, he was indifferent about Hank Behrman’s transfer to New York Giants, his pa took the news as a bullet to his heart. For five days, he kept buying the stacks of newspapers just to check the sport section. Jimmy knew, because Jimmy was the one who delivered the stacks of newspapers every day.
Danny soon became popular fella in the camp. He worked really hard and he gained the title of a bad guy. He noticed his body changing; his bulk frame gained some solid muscles and his beard began growing sharper than before. He kept writing to Jimmy every week just as he promised back there in Mrs. Patt’s living room. He kept asking how the things back at home were and about Jimmy’s. He could hardly suppress the traitorous grin when Jacky came with all of the letters for boys, passing them by and smiling when she came to Dan’s grey envelope.
- Some nice dame misses you dearly. She keeps writin’ every fourth day, Dan. – She grinned fixing her simple green dress and leaning on the chair by his side.
Danny nodded ducking his head and blushing while taking the letter and tucking it in the pocket of his uniform for later. He will have to write the news to let Jimmy know, just in case. They were transferring them to the state of Massachusetts, near Barnstable County. Danny heard the stories about Camp Edwards; he had heard some gossip that they will ship them out to Britain. There was some nasty training program there and a base. He cursed the world every night before he went to bed. The truth was, the war never ended and looking at the faces of these boys that have lost so much in the previous war, he couldn’t figure out from where the foolish desire to prove themselves was coming from. Danny just wanted to go home.
He was glad he had one. Pizzano over there had none. He didn’t even know his true name. The military picked him up from God knows where.The boy was stuck down at York; he had no idea where he had been. He said that his family held the pharmacy somewhere in Stow Creek. Danny tried to figure out if there were any pharmacies there at all. Jimmy and he would come at Donovan’s farm and spend the summer there, he would know. Oddly, he remembers no such a thing as pharmacy in Lancaster. Sleazy Pizzano must have confused the state he was in.
- Hey Dan, hear this one! – Pizzano said after some time of trying to set the radio and catch some new tune.
They were in the middle of nowhere and Danny perked up to listen. There was nothing better than lazy afternoon with a distant music playing and mosquitoes biting at his neck.
- There's a somebody I'm longing to see, I hope that she turns out to be
someone who'll watch over me...
- Private Daniel Donovan to report to Serge Dave Jonson immediately. – Jacky said sounding breathless and panicking.
Danny frowned and got up smoothing down his uniform and bumming down his cigar. He made a straight line towards the center of the camp. His footsteps landed hard on the wet ground and his eyebrows were set in, he was afraid, permanent scowl. He saw Sergeant Dave drinking coffee and writing the report on the recent training. Dave Jonson couldn’t be more than a year older than Danny.
- Sergeant Jonson. – Danny greeted.
- Private Donovan, care to sit, I’m afraid we have some bad news for you, son.
- Ain’t your son, you preposterous bastard. – Danny thought.
Danny watched the elder boy looking through some papers on the desk. The rustle settled hard in Danny’s stomach.
- Here it is, take your leave, kiddo. - He said holding a note for Danny with expression close to empathy settled on his face.
Danny hesitantly took it and inspected the words. His eyes widened and he found himself unable to read past the title ‘Announcing the Death of a Family member’. He felt as if someone punched him in the gut and wiped the floor with him.He felt his heart bumping against the rib cage painfully. He couldn’t hear anything but the blood in his ears, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t stop his hands from shaking. All he could do, and all he did, was gape at the letter, not reading it, just passing over the typed words and a name ‘Sharon Patt’. He should have known, Jimmy never wrote that it had been turning for the worst in the last couple of weeks…
- I’m sorry, Daniel.
Danny wanted to flee. He wanted to hide and read Jimmy’s last letter. He wanted to smack Jimmy for not saying anything, for not writing how he felt or what really mattered in those letters and he wanted to hug him and hold him because there was no doubt that Jimmy felt broken and lost. He wanted to kiss his forehead and let him know that he was not alone. It would just take a second to lower his head closer to the pink plush lips. This time he dared, he dared to admit what he really wanted and as soon as the thoughts appeared he locked them up again. No need to focus on something he couldn’t have. He should be glad for being Jimmy’s best friend.The boy could have done so much better. Danny was brash and loud and even his ma though him to be nothing but trouble. God, he was sure, despised him. He made him all wrong in the first place. His blood starts throbbing at the sheer thought of ever dirtying up the sweet innocence of his best friend. Jimmy would resent him, or worse, tell him to get lost for good.
- Kiddo, you got three days to spend with your family in these unfortunate days, start cleaning out, safe travel.
Unfortunate, doesn’t even begin to describe it.
- Jimmy. – He breathed out.
The gentle hazel eyes filled with unshed tears haunted him behind the closed eyelids. He turned and took his leave on unsteady legs. Maybe this time they would bleed from the distance he had put between himself and the boy back at home.
His thoughts led him to one Friday afternoon when he was confessing his sins in a nearby church in Stow Creek. The confessional was horrible. It was made to pull the sins out of your mouth form the sheer wish to flee and never see it again in your life. Danny though that people who came here would confess about anything just to be back home at time for a nice evening match and a bottle of a cold beer. Father Richard looked like a Satan himself. There was a juicy gossip going around the county that the man could drink just as much as his fat weighted. Which was pretty much. Danny thought that he would suffocate in the small space with nothing but the Father’s stale breath pouring through the bars. He chose to make this confession anonymously.
- Forgive me Father for I have sinned it has been four weeks since my last confession.
He heard a low grunt from the other side and continued:
- There is this boy, Father. We’re best friends. He’s turnin’ seventeen next year. Father, I’ve tried not thinkin’ ‘bout him in that way…
- And in what way are you thinking about him, my child?
Danny felt himself grew hotter. The space was closing him in. He knew that if he confessed he would be clean and the thoughts would not burn him anymore.
- I want him Father. – Danny said and patiently waited for Father’s next words.
- Continue. – The man said and Danny frowned.
- There’s nothin’ to say, Father. These thoughts are immoral and wrong.
There was a sigh from the other end.
- Let me be the judge of that, Danny- boy.
Well, there goes his anonymousity.
- Uh… fine. – Danny said cursing a small place where everyone knew everyone’s business.
- I feel like I’m doin’ everythin’ in his name. Father, everythin’ I do ‘s for him. I commit sins for him, I can’t stop feelin’ this way ‘bout him. I ain’t got any idea how would I live without him.
There was a silence on the other end and Danny prayed that the man would hurry up already; otherwise they will have to drag out Danny’s corpse from the confessional. He doubted that The Lord would appreciate that.
- I cannot absolve you of your sins, Daniel. You must heed the words of the Lord. That boy is not good for you. He’s a messenger of the Satan himself if he causes you to be this kind of a man.
The words felt like a stinging slap over his cheek. He wondered if the man like Father Richard can really absolve anyone’s sins. He swallowed the hurt down to his gut and said:
- The thing is Father…
- Yes, Daniel?
- I guess, I just don’t give a damn.
July, 1949
Sharon was in the very same hospital she worked in since she came to this God forsaken city. This time she found herself on the receiving end of staff’s care. She sighed, what a good way to go, she mused. She managed to literally drop dead from overworking herself. Sharon began thinking about Danny and whether he had received her false letter.
Since Danny has been away, Jim refused to go out and spend some time with his pals. He worried himself sick over Sharon and her heart couldn’t bear to leave him all by himself when the time comes. Sharon knew that this time, she was done for good. All those years she had fought to never let Jimmy notice how much it had hurt her. The physical pain was nothing compared to the pain of her own thoughts. She allowed herself to break down and burst in tears every time Jimmy would kiss her pale cheek and leave the room. Her sobs echoed and bounced against the walls remaining her of the clock ticking away. When it comes to dying, it’s every man for himself.
She spent days thinking about her life and her son, but she figured soon enough that those two cannot be separated. She had already arranged with Mrs. Cornwall to take care of her son until he’s eighteen. Danny will come back from the army in two years. The poor boy must have gotten a heart attack reading the false letter, but Sharon had to do it. There had been no other way to pull him out of the camp.
Only the hope that Danny will be taking care of her son could keep her together. There was so much more to that boy than meets the eye. If there was any chance for God to regain Sharon’s believing and faith it would be because of Danny.
She turned her head towards the window and traced the drops of summer rain on the glass. She wondered if the clouds ever expected when it rains, and thinking about the sky made her thinking about whether the sea changes color. She briefly mused over the fact that even though she lived in Hoboken, she never went down to Upper Bay to look at the calm surface of the vast blue, nor did she ever stop by Hudson river to enjoy the view. The sea does not change, Sharon concluded, the color does.
There was a knock on the door and she took a second to collect herself and to pick up the pieces of her scattered thoughts.
- Come in. – she managed to voice out pass the lump in her throat.
The door opened and she smiled upon seeing her boy standing with relieved expression on his face.
- Private Donovan, ma’am. – Danny said sounding foreign to himself.
Sharon took in his stance, his uniform and the haircut. He seemed bigger, more muscular, Sharon figured, and his posture seemed straighter. Seven months in the army did the numbers on the boy, but that childish face Sharon grew to love was still there.
- Oh, come here, you little-. – She was interrupted by the boy’s quick steps and sudden gentle hug.
Danny never needed to be told twice.
She felt his frame shaking as she patted his neatly styled hair.
- Sweetheart, it’s okay… - She encouraged and Danny could hardly hear her serene voice over his hiccuping.
The first time Danny cried was in the arms of this very woman. This woman came to be more of his guardian that his own mother ever was or ever could have been. He sobbed long enough for the both of them, briefly wondering if that made him a less of a man in her eyes. He managed to compose himself and he backed away tenderly holding her skinny white hand in his calloused palms.
- I have received your note Mrs. Patt. – He said after some time wiping the tears away.
- Ah, yes, I see. I had no idea that you will go straight to our flat to search for Jimmy, but I left the note at Mrs. Cornwall’s just in case. I’m glad you haven’t seen Jimmy yet. I wanted to see you first. – She declared in a soft yet strong voice.
He nodded and sat by her side when she patted the empty place near her thigh. Sharon questioned herself if she should tell Danny the truth about Jimmy’s father, but she already felt that the boy knew. The boy had known for a long time.
- Danny, I won’t last much. I need you to promise me something. – She said looking at his shiny brown eyes.
- Anything, Mrs. Patt. – He said hastily causing a small smile to appear on her lips.
- Promise that you will make Jimmy happy as often as you can.
Danny’s grip on her hand tightened.
- I promise, I promise he’ll be loved, safe an’ taken care of. – He said raising her hand to place a gentle kiss over the skin of her bony knuckles.
Sharon closed her eyes and took a deep breath in.
- Danny, I know. I have known for a while. – She whispered.
He tried to take his hand off of hers but she wrestled it in her own holding him tightly. He bowed his head in shame as she smoothed out his sleeve.
- There’s nothing to be ashamed for, Daniel, you hear me?
- Mrs. Patt- . – He begun.
- Listen to me Danny. If I had felt as half of the love as you feel for Jimmy, from the man in our stories, I would have been loved, safe and taken care of.
The silence was filled by Danny’s heartbeats. He felt it in his throat. She could hear it and she was glad she could. It was about time they talked about this.
- Ma’am… It’s not… It’s wrong, I’m... wrong. – He managed out.
- Says who? – She replied sternly.
- Ma’am, I’m pretty sure I’m gonna burn for what I am.
- Aren’t you already burning by keeping it down?
- I, uh… sometimes I feel like I’m goin’ insane.
- Love is strange that way.
- But, Jimmy would…
- Oh, hush! You have been too worried about not letting it slip, that you became blind too, Daniel?
- Excuse me? – The boy chocked wide-eyed.
- I’m not telling, but know that Jimmy would accept you no matter what, just as I have, am I clear?
She cradled his face in her soft palms and made him meet her eyes.
- Am I clear? – She repeated.
- Cristal, ma’am.
They were interrupted by another set of knocks on the door. Sharon turned around to check the time. She already felt dizzy and her eyelids became heavy.
- Come in Jimmy. – She called and Danny got off the bed to stand by the window.
He tried to will down his blush down and failed spectacularly.
- Ma, I couldn’t find your sweater I hope- .
Danny turned around to face the boy. Jimmy’s mouth closed and he grinned, white teeth flashing and cheeks puffing out. He made sure to close the door behind before he walked over to Danny. The older boy noticed the bags under Jimmy’s eyes and the slight sway as he walked. Poor Jimmy, he even lost some weight. Danny couldn’t wait to come back home for real. These three days were not nearly enough to soak up Jimmy’s beauty and Sharon’s kindness.
Danny took a step closer and Jimmy met him halfway.
They say that the hug can make people happier. Some say that it makes you healthier. There are those people that are able to write mile long poems about one simple hug. There are those who would go around hugging whoever comes near them. Some people sang about them, some wrote stories, some gave them freely and some refused them. Danny didn’t need poems, stories or songs to describe how he felt when he hugged his best friend after nearly seven months of harsh stoicism of the army. He felt nine all over again, as if nothing came between them. As if it was yesterday that Mrs. Patt made a cake for Danny and they settled down in the kitchen to talk and eat as a true family. This here, he thought, was his home. Not the farm house and the barn in Lancaster, not his pa’s and ma’s apartment above the bakery, not even an old flat of Mrs. Patt. It was here, in the arms of his best friend and so much more.
- Missed you kiddo. – He said.
- Missed you too, jerk. – Jimmy said without any sharpness to it.
If Sharon could have sung ‘Halleluiah’ she would have. Instead of it, she coughed awkwardly and smiled when they broke apart and came to sit by her sides both red-faced bickering over some letters they have been writing to each other. Jimmy poured a glass of water for her and Danny helped her get up to gulp it down.
- Tell us about army, Danny. – Sharon said closing her eyes and listening to the soft rumble of the boy’s voice.
He talked about the camp and the boys there. He talked till’ his throat went sore and Jimmy took over to talk about what had happened here at home. Sharon just listened nodding her head and smiling occasionally. Jimmy talked about Lil’ Frankie beating up Fat Bill and about school and the new principal they hired. They talked until Danny couldn’t hear the rain outside anymore or the soft splattering or the water on the sidewalk.
- Jimbo, your ma must be tired. We’ll come back tomorrow to visit her.
Jimmy smiled sheepishly and kissed his ma’s cheek. She leaned over to whisper something in his ear and he hugged her and whispered back. As Jimmy was preparing to leave, Sharon beckoned Danny to lean closer.
- Thank you Daniel. – She whispered.
It was clear to Danny that there will be no tomorrow when she kissed his cheek and smiled kindly.
- Goodbye Mrs. Patt. – Danny managed quietly kissing her cheek and smoothing out her graying hair.
- Come on, Danny. – Jimmy said opening the door.
Danny smiled and followed his friend waving to Mrs. Patt and silently closing the door behind.
When they stepped out of the hospital the clouds were already clearing out. There was a trace of light falling down over the buildings and the sound of barking dogs somewhere in the distance. Danny looked over to see Jimmy’s hazel eyes pointed at the sky. Tomorrow is another story, he told himself. Tomorrow they will break and combust, but today, they had a right to live.
- Y’okay there Jimbo? – He asked when Jimmy smiled clutching his ma’s jumper close to his chest.
- Yeah. – Jimmy breathed out.
- Wanna race to Hudson? – Danny smirked and smacked Jimmy’s back.
Jimmy staggered forward a little bit.
- Ow, you’re on jerk! – Jimmy yelled and raced after his friend as they disappeared down the streets of Hoboken, laughter following close behind.
The End
The Summer of 1949(Lamya Mila)
The Summer of 1949
Chapter 1
By
Lamya Mila
And if sun comes
How shall we greet him?
Shall we not dread him,
Shall we not fear him
After so lengthy a
Session with shade?
- Gwendolyn Brooks, Truth
For my dear friend who helped me to face my fears and write again. I have finished this story thanks to you. I hope some other people will be lucky enough to meet you as I have.
- L.D.
1933
If the cards Sharon Patt had been dealt in life taught her anything, it was that it was never wise to be a sentimental woman. The pain of loss could never burn you if you kept yourself from loving in the first place.
Sharon was a firsthand witness to the brutality of sudden loss, as so many nurses would. Death just creeps upon people. It takes them away and the only thing that remains are fading memories. Nobody gets spared. Not even children, especially now when the death rate is higher than ever. It is not wise to grow attached to children during these times. Death will rip them off and take them away and you will never get a chance to mourn. It’s better not to know them.
1939
Her Jimmy is only six and Sharon tries not to think that this time it might be a final goodbye. Jim was born weak and small. Sharon remembers hearing his silent cries, grasping his shuddering light frame in her arms and desperately trying to will his lungs to push the air in and out. She remembers closing her eyes and taking deep breaths as if trying to breathe for him. At that moment, Sharon knew that Jim, her son, her baby boy had taken her breath away. Nothing else mattered.
For Sharon, Hoboken, New Jersey, was a place where she hoped to build a solid future for her son and herself. For two months Sharon was working at Riley’s as a seamstress. She was the only one who knew how to use a sewing machine in the building and she had no other job. She paid her rent with her poor salary, hardly bringing any food to the table.
Hoboken was a place where Sharon hoped to feel secure. Where the prying eyes and the smell of cigarettes and whiskey won’t haunt her dreams and where she won’t flinch over every sound and every touch. Sharon doesn’t like to be touched or to touch anymore. Her Jimmy is the only exception.
Her hands are clammy and soft as she touches Jimmy’s forehead.
- Honey, you’re gonna be alright. - She says softly in his ear as if not to disturb him.
His face is scrunched up and covered in a thin layer of sweat. She prays to God that Jimmy’s temperature will break down. Her eyes trace the hard wooden floor all the way up to the old nightstand. Little statue of an angel placed under the lamp gives her some comfort.
- I’m here. - She murmurs praying to whoever is willing to listen up there.
Sharon never understood her mother’s God. As a child she grew up in a great poverty. Her father would often come home stumbling over his own feet smelling of tobacco, perfume and alcohol. She never questioned her mother out loud. She never dared to. If her mother had some comfort in believing and praying, Sharon didn’t deem herself as somebody who should question. It was simply something her mother learned from Sharon’s grandmother.
She tried to believe in what her mother believed in. She tried to hope that someone up there was listening to her prayers every night when she went to bed, but over the years Sharon gave up. She gave up on thinking that somebody would calmly look down on humans noticing their pain and suffering. It never seemed fair to her. It never seemed human to her or God- like.
But there in a rather cool room on Sunday afternoon while taking care of her sick son, Sharon believed. She believed with all her heart. She dared to hope that God would miraculously make Jimmy’s pain go away. Make it all go away.
1941
Sharon swore she would rather have Jimmy and herself somewhere in the mountains far, far away without proper food supplies and electricity than to deal with the patients in the hospital. World was at war, and Sharon felt as if peace never existed in the first place. The last two years seemed to pass like in a haze as if it was yesterday that Mrs. Cornwall invited her over to listen to the news on radio.
- Yesterday, December 7th, 1941, a date which will live in infamy, United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the empire of Japan. The United States was at peace with that nation, and, at the solicitation of Japan, was still in conversation with its government and its emperor, looking towards the maintenance of peace in the Pacific...
It turned out Sharon soon received the news of her brother’s death. James was her elder brother and she vividly remembered the day she left home for New Jersey. She remembered his uniform and the smell of tobacco on his breath when he hugged her whispering that everything will be fine and that he will be back to meet the little kicker in her belly. There was something in his voice that made Sharon believe that James knew why she was leaving home pregnant. But James never questioned who the father was. So Sharon let herself be grateful for that. She honestly didn’t know how to talk about that or whether she wanted for James to ship out to Italy knowing about Sharon’s pain. Now, with him gone, Sharon begun regretting her silence.
1943
Jimmy is ten and Sharon doesn’t know how to balance her job as a nurse in a local hospital and Jimmy’s endless questions. She knew that Jimmy wanted to spend some more time with her to get to know her beyond the tired looks and a pained expression over her sore back. Sharon understood Jimmy’s enthusiasm when she would come to Miss. Cornwall to pick him up. Tiredly she would smile down at her boy and ask him if he had been any trouble to Mr. Cornwall. The answer would always be the same.
- Oh, Sharon, he was golden. He helped me around a lot. Didn’t you Jimmy?
Jimmy would beam up at Mr. Cornwall and blush when she would give him a cookie.
On the way out Sharon would insist that Mr. Cornwall takes some money for having her son over, but even this time answer was the same as the previous one:
- Sharon, please put that thing away. Your boy is nothing but a joy to have around. Save that money and please do come again.
Sharon would leave with her boy by her side swearing that the next time she would make Mrs. Cornwall take the money.
Donovan’s boy Danny has entered their lives and Sharon feels like she has two boys now, playing on the endless streets of Hoboken. Her own two angels. Jimmy hasn’t been sick for a while and Sharon is eternally grateful for Danny’s presence. Her Jim is growing up so fast, making new friends and everything Sharon wanted for him is finally coming forth. Jimmy’s hazel eyes hold the same shine that she once had and his beauty is showing up through his pale skin and chestnut hair. His frame is still lanky, but to Sharon he’s the solid mass that keeps her grounded.
- Can we go out Mrs. Patt?- Danny asks following Jim through the hall.
Danny is two years older than her boy and the first time they had met he had picked crying Jim from the playground. He had won her son’s affections and ever since they were inseparable.
- No, you can’t - Sharon smiled folding Jim’s shirt and placing it in the closet.
She heard their soft whispers and footsteps.
- Funny, ma.
Jimmy’s voice rang down the hall as he pushed Danny out in the main hall.
- Have fun. - Sharon replied snickering to herself.
Sharon never had time to ponder on where boys of their age would spend time during day or what game they would chose to play when they go out. She vaguely remembers the games she played as a child. She hardly remembers the laughter, joy or fun of running around the neighborhoods. Her feet ached too much right now and her shoulders were slouched forward in attempts to hold herself up. Sometimes she thinks she will crumble down if she breathes in too deeply. Sometimes she holds her breath to see if she would.
The Summer of 1949
Chapter 2
by Lamya Mila
1945
Jimmy is twelve and Sharon gives her best not to get too emotional when she sees her two boys limping down the street. Her chest warms up seeing Danny supporting her boy and guiding him forward whispering about ‘small steps’ and ‘almost theres’.
- Danny,’m fine, really. You don’t haveta-.
- Jimbo, If your ma catches us like this, she’s gonna give me some nice whippin’.
Jim flinched. Mom would never hurt him or Danny for that matter, she would lecture him for two hours on ‘Importance to not to pick fights’, ‘What did I tell you about Fat Bill and his pals?’, ‘Mind is a powerful weapon’ and ‘You’re lucky Danny was there to pick up your sorry behind’. And he would feel sorry, not because he did pick the fight with Fat Bill but because the bastard mentioned Jim’s dad. He would not feel sorry because Danny stepped in to drag Jim away from red faced and gasping Fat Bill. He would feel sorry because he knows that his mother worries and fusses over every single scratch and bruise on his knees and cheeks. He would feel sorry because his ma works night shift at the hospital. He should have been more composed, but Jim cannot even hold his anger down. Instead of lashing out like a mad dog he knows himself to be when someone mentions his family or Danny; he should really work on his anger management or at least improve his fighting skills. He’s really grateful to have Danny by his side. Somehow the older boy manages to smack some sense in Jim’s head with his southern accent and carefree smiles. Sometimes Jim wonders how they ever came to be friends. Jim was hot-headed and impulsive while Danny was easy going and all smiles.
As it turns out, his ma said nothing. She just washed his knees and knuckles and told him to be more careful. Her silence hurt more than any words could, more than any bruise or a scratch could. Jim bowed his head hoping his hair would sprout out from all the stupidity contained in his head and cover his reddening face. Danny was sitting silently next to him trying to figure out when Mrs. Patt would come back with a wooden paddle.
- We don’t have one, Danny. - Jimmy sighed when ma disappeared in the kitchen to fetch the bandage.
- Have what, Jimbo? - Danny said and gulped when he heard a low ‘thud’ from where Mrs. Patt was.
- Paddle, punk. - Jimmy bit back watching his friend’s face turn slightly white.
He could sense Danny relax as his ma emerged from the kitchen with a bandage in her hand. Danny really was a punk; his ma would never hurt him.
- Give me your hand, honey. - His ma said kneeling beside him and placing the scissors on the table.
He could hear Danny trying to keep his face straight when his ma deliberately used other pet names.
- What did Fat Bill say this time, Danny? -She asked, carefully holding Jimmy’s hand up so she could wrap the cloth around.
Danny nervously fidgeted looking down at his fingers.
- He mentioned Jim’s dad, ma’am.
Sharon swallowed and nodded. She proceeded to work in the silence.
- Ma… Bill said father was a traitor. – Jimmy said
Sharon’s breath hitched and she kissed Jimmy’s hand and looked at her two boys. Jimmy said ‘Bill’ and Sharon wondered if that good-for-nothing boy said that just to get Jim’s blood rile up or he might have heard something from his parents. She knew that Jim had chosen to use his name correctly out of some, unknown to her, respect for Bill if the boy was right. Danny was not looking up. The boy must have been praying for this to be over soon. They never talked about Jim’s father. Danny never asked.
- Oh, honey. – Sharon managed a weak smile and Jimmy leaned back to inspect his hand.
- Your father was no such a thing, you hear me Jimmy? – Sharon whispered and Jimmy looked up to meet her blue eyes.
Danny looked up too. He noticed Mrs. Patt’s forced smile and the tired intakes of breath.
- Jimbo, Fat Bill was just trying to get to ya. – Danny said managing a small smile himself. Sharon looked at the other boy with something close to appreciation.
- It worked. – Jimmy said looking away.
She studied Jim’s face for a few more seconds. Huffing she got up and said:
- Go, wash yourself, honey, it’s time for a supper.
Danny looked at her and Sharon could practically hear all the questions the boy wanted to ask. She nodded at him in silent promise that she will answer some of them when the time comes. Danny cared too much for her Jimmy and Sharon could do so much to return the favor. Jimmy doesn’t have to know about their silent agreement. Sharon doesn’t know how truth would affect her boy. Sometimes, she concludes, is best to know nothing.
1947
- I’m so sorry, Sharon. - Mrs. Cornwall says sipping her tea and trying not to tap her fingers in staccato rhythm on the cheap china cup she got from her great- grandmother.
Sharon figured that nobody would feel sorry to the level she felt it. The cancer has spread on the left lung and sometimes Sharon wishes she had smoked in the past so she would know where it came from. She could at least tell herself ‘I told you so’.
Jimmy is fourteen and Danny is sixteen. Danny has already started chasing after dames while Jimmy is too busy keeping his job as the newspaper delivery boy. Danny works at the docks down at the Castle Point sometimes when he wants to earn some extra bucks. His parents are still stern and cold people Sharon once knew. Sharon didn’t mind having Danny over. The boy proved to be a true blessing. She couldn’t count on the fingers how many times he had helped Jimmy or how many times he had helped Sharon for that matter. Lately, Jimmy would come back home at 11 AM coughing because of the cold morning air. He would get up at 5, silently dress himself, make a coffee for his ma, take the keys and leave the flat closing the door silently behind. Sharon couldn’t work the night shift at the hospital anymore. They had her working at 2 PM because of her health condition. Her colleagues supported her and they made sure she didn’t strain too much while working.
It was in November that she came down with another cold. Sharon was not getting any younger and she spent her time in bed thinking about her soon and how would he manage without her.
The soft tapping of rain settled her thoughts and she turned toward the window to watch the gray clouds. Sharon found herself thinking about that cold night when the man in black stole away her childhood away leaving her to bleed on the empty streets near the city of Nashville, Tennessee.
Sharon always told herself that she must be strong for Jimmy. She was a woman of action and she worked day and night to provide a warm meal in her son’s belly and to keep the roof over their heads. She never regretted anything in her life. She never regretted those sleepless nights when baby Jim would cry out of hunger or cold seeking his mother’s breast and warm embrace. She never regretted waking up with Jimmy by her side curled up after a terrible nightmare. She will never regret if she leaves Jim in good capable hands of the boy they had both grown to love, Danny. She felt as if it would not be fair to have Danny take care of her son. They were just boys, for crying out loud. Sure, they had jobs and Sharon would leave the flat to Jimmy, but that doesn’t mean that Jimmy’s job would prove to be enough to pay off the rent or to help him pursue his dreams and carrier.
Sure, Danny chased after dames and he even went out to dance with them, but every time Jim felt down Danny would come and they would go out to the docks where Danny’s uncle and boss Mr. Hardy worked. He loved boys as much as Sharon did. She wouldn’t dream to mention that to Danny, but Sharon felt as if her boy wasn’t interested in dames as much as Danny was. Jimmy would occasionally go out, but he still wasn’t allowed to go where Danny was going late at night. Jimmy never said anything about girls in his class. Sharon knew that Jimmy respected young ladies as a true gentleman would.
Again, Sharon finds herself thinking about God and the selfish prick he was. She made sure that Jimmy believed. Sharon would go to Church every second Sunday with Jimmy and Danny when Danny’s mother Mrs. Donovan claimed that she had to go to visit her cousin and take care of Ol’ Martha, Danny’s grandmother.
Sharon had it up to here with that woman’s excuses. Danny never said anything; he would just come in his best Sunday clothes to pick Jimmy up. Sharon would buy them some sweet ice over summer days or hot bread fresh from the oven in the bakery around the corner during winter.
Danny claimed that her bread was the best one he had ever tasted. They would sit in the kitchen and Sharon would place the butter and salt on the table. She would chat with them and smile whenever her son blushed at Danny’s antics. The boy had talent to make her son blush when they talked about dames and dancing.
- Jimmy will find a nice girl someday, won’t you Jimmy? – Sharon asked amused by her son’s habit of licking his fingers after every bite.
She idly wondered if she was doing the same thing while eating.
- Ma! – Jimmy’s answer rang through the kitchen and Danny ruffled his chestnut hair ducking when Jim went to smack him over his head.
- Jimbo here will be a real knockout when he grows up. – Danny joked.
Sharon wondered how Jim would look like when he becomes a real man. Would he iron his shirts and pants?
- Dames will wait in the line just to dance with him. – He added when Jimmy attempted to shut his mouth with his palm.
- They won’t, punk! – Jimmy said and glared at his best friend.
- Nuh- uh, they sure will! – Danny grinned with full mouth making Jim push his shoulder, causing the salt container to spill over.
- Language, Jim. – Sharon warned and Danny snickered when Jim bowed his head.
- Sorry, ma’am. – Jimmy said and Sharon smiled sitting down across the two of them.
Sharon remembered that day they talked in the kitchen. She remembered how her son would look up to Danny with something close to affection. Sharon wouldn’t know. She never loved somebody as much as she loved her boys. She never knew much about affections or secret glances Jimmy would direct at his best friend when he thought that the other one wasn’t looking. All of a sudden her son’s face became serious and Danny went stiff by his side. They must have talked about whatever Jimmy was about to ask.
- Ma, if I may ask about father, I really want to know more about him. – Jim asked quietly as if he was afraid of his ma’s reaction.
- Sure thing, honey. - Sharon said feeling that old fear creeping up her lungs and making it hard to breathe.
The boy had a right to ask. He had a right to know.
- What did he look like? – Jimmy asked after some time causing Danny to perk up his head in interest.
Sharon had no idea how to answer on that one.
- Hey, Jimbo, how about I tell ya everything y’wanna know. Mrs. Pattsure looks tired. She had been on her feet since this mornin’, y’know.
God Bless him, indeed.
- How’d you know about my father, Dan? – Jimmy asked puzzled.
Sharon gave a slight nod to Danny.
- Your ma told me, ain’t that right Mrs. Patt? – Danny smiled easing the tension in her chest.
- That’s right, Danny. I’ll let you begin, how does that sound for you Jimmy? – She asked gently picking up the salt container.
Jimmy smiled that full teeth smile of a fourteen- year old kid eager to find out the answers on his endless list of questions. Danny settled in his chair and looked over at Jimmy.
- Jimbo, your old man was good- looking, don’t worry ‘bout that, accordin’ to your ma’s sayin’, he was in a navy. Five months after you were born he shipped out back to Europe, he was British-. – Jim’s eyes widened and he looked at his ma in awe.
- British? – Jimmy repeated and Danny smiled.
- Kid, you gotta promise not to interrupt me. – Danny said in a mimicked voice of some old man telling a story to a little kid.
- Uh, fine. - Jimmy said looking at his friend and setting his lip in something close to a pout.
- Your ma met him the first time when she went to the medical school back in Nashville.
- What was he doing there? – Jimmy bit back his words when Danny laughed.
- Jimbo, be patient.
- He was on a shore leave. He had an aunt back in Nashville, he would come to visit her every second year. – Sharon said as if remembering the events and Danny nodded.
- Your ma here, she was some fine lady. Still is, but your ol’ man fell in love the first time he had laid his eyes on ‘er. – Danny said and smiled at Jimmy’s delighted expression.
Sharon blushed. She had no idea that Danny had it in himself to make her blush too.
- They went out dancin’ one night. Your ol’ man had some killer moves, Jimbo, he swept your ma off her feet, ain’t that right Miss. Patt? – Danny asked smiling when he noticed little Jimmy expecting his ma to take over.
Sharon smiled and nodded.
- It’s true, Jimmy. Your father had the most captivating hazel eyes I had ever seen. Just like yours. – Sharon found herself easily flowing with Danny’s story.
- We sneaked out one night. My old mother was sleeping and father was working on the farm late that night. He took me out dancing. I had never danced before. He showed me how. – Sharon said and Jimmy smiled.
His eyes were glassy and Sharon took a deep breath in, she had never seen her soon so happy, except maybe when he was with Danny. They talked for a while and Sharon tried to direct her glances at Danny to show him how much this meant to her. How much it all meant to her, to see her soon eagerly listen every word they say. To see on his beautiful face how he imagined his father and mother dancing at the country fair. For Sharon figured that the family does not end with blood
That night she fell asleep with music in her head, dancing with some stranger till the sunrise appeared over the horizon.
January, 1949
Jimmy is sixteen and Danny is eighteen. Danny is soon reporting to the military camp. People talked about the Communists in the far away Russia and about President Truman telling the Russians to retreat from Japan. Everywhere he went they would question him if he had enlisted. Short Tim down at the barber’s asked him if he was happy to serve his country. He grinned at the old man and said in the best cheerful voice he could muster:
- Who wouldn’t be happy to serve their country, God bless America!
Yes, God bless America indeed. God bless him for he was about to leave not knowing what kind of a man he’ll be when he returns. If he returns.The promise of American prosperity hung heavily in the air as locals complained over the German pilgrims in hushed voices. Danny couldn’t care less about the rumors and sayings. He wasn’t happy about leaving. He didn’t want to leave Jimmy and Mrs. Patt.
He felt relieved when they told him that they will not ship out the new recruits to Europe. He honestly doubted his mother would care. His father had tapped him on his back after reading the first letter and sad:
- My boy’s becoming a man. The army will make a man out of you, son, just you wait.
Danny waited. He waited nervously for the second letter to appear in their mail box. He waited for the right moment to announce the news to Mrs. Patt and Jim. He wasn’t sure how Jim would take the news, but he had to do it. When he had finally told Mrs. Patt and Jimmy about the news, Mrs. Patt cried all the tears his own mother didn’t. She went down and bought some sugar to make a cake after she hugged him hard enough to bruise. Jimmy was silent, hazel eyes searching his brown ones and trying to figure out if this was just another one of Danny’s pranks. Well, this time, life pulled a supreme prank on Danny.
- You gonna come back, Dan? – Jim asked when his ma left.
Danny looked at his best friend. He soaked up the boys’ still lanky frame, his wide hazel eyes and sun-kissed hair. He remembered all those summers they raced from the old bridge of the Hudson River back to the docks with smiles plastered on their sweaty faces and pockets full of dirty river stones. Jimmy always said that if they kept them long enough they would turn into gems. They never did and Danny made sure to throw them back into the river as far as he could, which was pretty far.
- Ain’t no place like home, Jimmy. – Danny found himself answering.
His throat tightened up and his palms begun sweating. He couldn’t leave Jimmy. The boy meant too much to him. Danny didn’t want to think what would have become out of him if he hadn’t picked up that cry-baby off the playground. His life had begun with Jim Patt and he dared to hope it will end up with the same name.
He wondered about all those nights they went over to the bridge and down in the park to gaze up at the starry sky. Jimmy loved watching stars and Danny liked making up the stories. He would often come up with some story and make Jimmy laugh in the eerie silence of the park. The sound of Jimmy’s laughter would make him laugh too.
Jimmy’s eyes prickled at the corners. The tears fought hard to find their way out. Danny never said that Jim meant a home to him. Danny never felt at home in his own apartment, with his parents. Jimmy knew how Danny’s parents tried to pull their son out of school to send him to work permanently down at the docks.His ma was always saying that the school is the most important thing in their lives and when he heard about Mrs. Donovan’s plan his ma paid them a visit to talk them out of it, because where Danny went, Jim followed. It was as if they were joined at hips. And his ma knew that Jimmy would spend most of his time at the docks with Danny instead of studying.
- Hey, hey, what’s the long face for, Jimbo?
Did Danny know how much he meant to Jim? Jim was no fool. He knew what happened to fellas like him. Danny and he would sometimes hear about some men being beaten up and thrown down the lane of the river. They called them ‘fairies’. Jimmy was a type of a person who would argue with people over the shade of green of the grass. It was no wonder Danny kept quiet when Jimmy said that people can’t help it if they love someone, and that it shouldn’t matter whether it was a fine soft dame or a nice fella. When he thinks about it, he had said it quietly, maybe Danny never heard him right.
- You are going somewhere where I can’t follow, jerk. – Jimmy said and the tears just spilled over.
- I’m so sorry, it’s just… I-. – Jim begun bowing his head down and trying to calm himself down.
- Come ‘ere.
Jim looked up in time to see Danny’s face. His deep brown eyes were full of compassion and something Jimmy never dared to question.
Jimmy took a few steps and was almost thrown off his feet when Danny crushed him in a hug that spoke more than the words ever could. Jimmy let himself break, there in the living room of his ma’s flat, in the arms of his best friend, of the best human being he grew to love too much for his own good.
- I’ll come back, Jimbo, hey… you won’t even notice that I’m gone. – Danny whispered and lowered his head to breathe in the smell of Jimmy’s hair.
He felt Jimmy’s hands clutching his arms tightly and just holding on as the warmth of Jimmy’s lean frame pressed against him made him let out a shuddering breath of his own.
Sharon struggled with the bags from the grocery store. She couldn’t afford to buy a cake in a bakery; she figured her mother’s recipe will have to do. It was freezing outside and the sidewalk was slippery enough for her to make her want to crawl on all fours. She silently cursed the winter and ice stopping to catch her breath as her throat went dry. She coughed quietly which turned into series of harsh coughs. She felt lightheaded and she struggled to stand up straight and climb up the stairs. She was just about to unlock the door of the flat when another coughing fit stopped her. She felt cold all over. Her forehead was covered in a thin layer of cool sweat. Her lungs ached as she tried to calm down. She lowered the bag down and placed the palm of her hand on her mouth. It came away back with blood on it and she soon took a handkerchief to wipe it off. She will wash them when Jimmy falls asleep.
She opened the door and walked in tucking the handkerchief in the pocket of her jumper. She had to wrestle with the bag, but she soon managed to get in surprisingly silent. She took the bag to the kitchen and came to the living room to greet her boys. She stopped dead in the tracks when she saw Jimmy hugging Danny’s bulk frame as if his life depended on it. Jimmy’s shoulders were shaking and Danny was nuzzling her son’s hair.
- Shhh, your ma will come back soon, kiddo. Don’t want her to see your snotty face, come on, Jimmy, look at me. – Danny whispered.
Jimmy backed off slightly still holding onto Danny’s arms. He managed a quiet laugh which sounded hoarse and tired.
- You’re right. She doesn’t need to worry ‘bout this too. It’s enough as it is.
Jimmy knew his ma is sometimes barely standing on her two feet. He noticed how she would suppress her coughs trying, and failing, to hide her bloodied handkerchiefs far away from Jim’s prying eyes. It pained him to see her swaying frame at the end of the shift and to hear her shuddering breaths and strangled voice after a fit of coughs. Her posture became more and more hunched and sometimes she would start saying something and leave it unfinished. She lost weight running down the hospital’s hallways and not eating enough even when Jim would make a supper. Sometimes he wondered if she noticed the paleness of her own face or the way she would bite her lips and draw blood while sitting in the armchair and reading not really looking at the words on the stained pages.
Sharon slipped out quietly and went into the kitchen listening to their soft murmurs and whispers. Her hands were shaking as she opened the bag. The dim light of the room was casting out the shadows over the kitchen counter. There was a sound of clock ticking away on the wall and the sound of quick breaths. It passed some time until she realized that it was her who was shaking in the kitchen and breathing as if her lungs have left her chest. Her mind kept playing the scene from the living room all over again. She shook her head as if trying to make some sense out of it. She remembered all the times her boys played pranks on their neighbors when they were younger. All the times they hugged and slept next to each other on Jimmy’s small bed…
Silly old Sharon, the boys were like brothers. She recalled Danny’s first day at school. Mrs. Donovan was away on family’s farm near Stow Creek so she couldn’t take care of Danny, while Mr. Donovan was away working on the railroad, Sharon never bothered to ask where. She remembers Jimmy’s red cheeks and glassy eyes when she told him that Danny was about to start the school. He asked her if he could come with Danny too, which made her sigh in defeat. Really… these boys were unbelievable. So, it happened that Jimmy waited for Danny at the playground every day after school and if someone asked Danny who was that scrawny looking boy sitting on a swing he would say that it was his little brother Jimmy. Sharon’s heart would leap out of her chest from joy upon seeing them walking down the street and hearing little Danny explaining to Jimmy the simplicity of alphabet or the new number they were learning that day. What remained in her memory the most were her two boys sprawled on a couch reading some book Sharon got from her Mrs. Cornwall. Danny would often misread the word, but Sharon never corrected him, while Jimmy would listen and occasionally repeat some difficult word Danny struggled to pronounce just to hear if he could do better than Danny.
- That any civilized human being in this nineteenth century should not be aware that the earth travelled round the sun appeared to me to be such an ext - extra... ummm- exraotinee... dammnit!. - Danny grumbled irritated.
- Extra- what? – Jimmy asked trying to catch a glimpse of the line Danny was previously reading.
- -Ordinary, I guess. – Danny said trying to pronounce the word silently.
- Extraaaaoooordinary! – Jimmy said pulling out the word at vowels.
- Extrooo, no… ah, bugger! – Danny said angrily closing the stupid book.
The word refused to cooperate and it bugged the Hell out of him. Sharon just watched amused with crinkles at the corners of her eyes. She will not laugh.
- Come on, Danny, repeat after me: Extraaaaooordinary! - Jimmy’s high pitched voice made the other boy flinch.
- No way, Jimbo… - Danny said calmly.
Sharon stepped in carrying the tray of freshly made lemonade.
- Honey, can you fetch the ice from Mrs. Cornwall?
- Right away, ma. – Jimmy said bouncing down and running towards the door.
Sharon didn’t bother to yell after him to stop running.
- How was it at school today, Danny? – She asked placing the tray down on the table.
She poured a glass for Danny first waiting for Jimmy to return with some ice.
- ‘T was extraordinary ma’am.
The Summer of 1949
Chapter 3
by Lamya Mila
July, 1949
Daniel Donovan pinched the bridge of his nose while staring at the metal ashtray and some papers stacked neatly on the barrel the boys used as a table. The military training camp was just like Short Tim described. The poor old bastard’s mouth turned out to be useful for once. Danny will never forget when Short Tim lied to Danny’s ma that he had stolen a brand new razor behind his back. As if something could pass unnoticed behind that midget’s back at all. He might have forgotten about some details, but he will never forget him ma’s yelling and his pa’s leather belt. His ma held too much pride to let Short Tim suspect the possibility she might have raised a thief, which Danny was not. Pride, Danny concluded, was something poor people had instead of money. Danny sighed looking around the camp. Ain’t no room for a kind and good fella like Jimmy. Danny took a cigarette out of his pocket and fixed his gaze back on the cards in his hand.
- Dan, whatcha got there, buddy? – Pizzano asked chewing on the straw of a grass.
The Italian grinned showing his crooked front teeth making Danny wonder if they were crooked because of all pizzas the man ate back in Italy. He was sure pizza will have to wait for a long time to find itself in Danny’s hands. Army does change a man.
The smell of the spring was high up in the air and Danny idly wondered if Jim’s asthma had kicked back in. The mosquitoes in the air were buzzing loudly and the smell of oil and guns filled his nostrils as he breathed in. There was nothing else the boys talked about besides home, baseball and some more baseball. Jimmy and Danny were both big fans of The Brooklyn’s boys, The Dodgers, and Jimmy fancied Jackie the most. Although, he was indifferent about Hank Behrman’s transfer to New York Giants, his pa took the news as a bullet to his heart. For five days, he kept buying the stacks of newspapers just to check the sport section. Jimmy knew, because Jimmy was the one who delivered the stacks of newspapers every day.
Danny soon became popular fella in the camp. He worked really hard and he gained the title of a bad guy. He noticed his body changing; his bulk frame gained some solid muscles and his beard began growing sharper than before. He kept writing to Jimmy every week just as he promised back there in Mrs. Patt’s living room. He kept asking how the things back at home were and about Jimmy’s. He could hardly suppress the traitorous grin when Jacky came with all of the letters for boys, passing them by and smiling when she came to Dan’s grey envelope.
- Some nice dame misses you dearly. She keeps writin’ every fourth day, Dan. – She grinned fixing her simple green dress and leaning on the chair by his side.
Danny nodded ducking his head and blushing while taking the letter and tucking it in the pocket of his uniform for later. He will have to write the news to let Jimmy know, just in case. They were transferring them to the state of Massachusetts, near Barnstable County. Danny heard the stories about Camp Edwards; he had heard some gossip that they will ship them out to Britain. There was some nasty training program there and a base. He cursed the world every night before he went to bed. The truth was, the war never ended and looking at the faces of these boys that have lost so much in the previous war, he couldn’t figure out from where the foolish desire to prove themselves was coming from. Danny just wanted to go home.
He was glad he had one. Pizzano over there had none. He didn’t even know his true name. The military picked him up from God knows where.The boy was stuck down at York; he had no idea where he had been. He said that his family held the pharmacy somewhere in Stow Creek. Danny tried to figure out if there were any pharmacies there at all. Jimmy and he would come at Donovan’s farm and spend the summer there, he would know. Oddly, he remembers no such a thing as pharmacy in Lancaster. Sleazy Pizzano must have confused the state he was in.
- Hey Dan, hear this one! – Pizzano said after some time of trying to set the radio and catch some new tune.
They were in the middle of nowhere and Danny perked up to listen. There was nothing better than lazy afternoon with a distant music playing and mosquitoes biting at his neck.
- There's a somebody I'm longing to see, I hope that she turns out to be
someone who'll watch over me...
- Private Daniel Donovan to report to Serge Dave Jonson immediately. – Jacky said sounding breathless and panicking.
Danny frowned and got up smoothing down his uniform and bumming down his cigar. He made a straight line towards the center of the camp. His footsteps landed hard on the wet ground and his eyebrows were set in, he was afraid, permanent scowl. He saw Sergeant Dave drinking coffee and writing the report on the recent training. Dave Jonson couldn’t be more than a year older than Danny.
- Sergeant Jonson. – Danny greeted.
- Private Donovan, care to sit, I’m afraid we have some bad news for you, son.
- Ain’t your son, you preposterous bastard. – Danny thought.
Danny watched the elder boy looking through some papers on the desk. The rustle settled hard in Danny’s stomach.
- Here it is, take your leave, kiddo. - He said holding a note for Danny with expression close to empathy settled on his face.
Danny hesitantly took it and inspected the words. His eyes widened and he found himself unable to read past the title ‘Announcing the Death of a Family member’. He felt as if someone punched him in the gut and wiped the floor with him.He felt his heart bumping against the rib cage painfully. He couldn’t hear anything but the blood in his ears, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t stop his hands from shaking. All he could do, and all he did, was gape at the letter, not reading it, just passing over the typed words and a name ‘Sharon Patt’. He should have known, Jimmy never wrote that it had been turning for the worst in the last couple of weeks…
- I’m sorry, Daniel.
Danny wanted to flee. He wanted to hide and read Jimmy’s last letter. He wanted to smack Jimmy for not saying anything, for not writing how he felt or what really mattered in those letters and he wanted to hug him and hold him because there was no doubt that Jimmy felt broken and lost. He wanted to kiss his forehead and let him know that he was not alone. It would just take a second to lower his head closer to the pink plush lips. This time he dared, he dared to admit what he really wanted and as soon as the thoughts appeared he locked them up again. No need to focus on something he couldn’t have. He should be glad for being Jimmy’s best friend.The boy could have done so much better. Danny was brash and loud and even his ma though him to be nothing but trouble. God, he was sure, despised him. He made him all wrong in the first place. His blood starts throbbing at the sheer thought of ever dirtying up the sweet innocence of his best friend. Jimmy would resent him, or worse, tell him to get lost for good.
- Kiddo, you got three days to spend with your family in these unfortunate days, start cleaning out, safe travel.
Unfortunate, doesn’t even begin to describe it.
- Jimmy. – He breathed out.
The gentle hazel eyes filled with unshed tears haunted him behind the closed eyelids. He turned and took his leave on unsteady legs. Maybe this time they would bleed from the distance he had put between himself and the boy back at home.
His thoughts led him to one Friday afternoon when he was confessing his sins in a nearby church in Stow Creek. The confessional was horrible. It was made to pull the sins out of your mouth form the sheer wish to flee and never see it again in your life. Danny though that people who came here would confess about anything just to be back home at time for a nice evening match and a bottle of a cold beer. Father Richard looked like a Satan himself. There was a juicy gossip going around the county that the man could drink just as much as his fat weighted. Which was pretty much. Danny thought that he would suffocate in the small space with nothing but the Father’s stale breath pouring through the bars. He chose to make this confession anonymously.
- Forgive me Father for I have sinned it has been four weeks since my last confession.
He heard a low grunt from the other side and continued:
- There is this boy, Father. We’re best friends. He’s turnin’ seventeen next year. Father, I’ve tried not thinkin’ ‘bout him in that way…
- And in what way are you thinking about him, my child?
Danny felt himself grew hotter. The space was closing him in. He knew that if he confessed he would be clean and the thoughts would not burn him anymore.
- I want him Father. – Danny said and patiently waited for Father’s next words.
- Continue. – The man said and Danny frowned.
- There’s nothin’ to say, Father. These thoughts are immoral and wrong.
There was a sigh from the other end.
- Let me be the judge of that, Danny- boy.
Well, there goes his anonymousity.
- Uh… fine. – Danny said cursing a small place where everyone knew everyone’s business.
- I feel like I’m doin’ everythin’ in his name. Father, everythin’ I do ‘s for him. I commit sins for him, I can’t stop feelin’ this way ‘bout him. I ain’t got any idea how would I live without him.
There was a silence on the other end and Danny prayed that the man would hurry up already; otherwise they will have to drag out Danny’s corpse from the confessional. He doubted that The Lord would appreciate that.
- I cannot absolve you of your sins, Daniel. You must heed the words of the Lord. That boy is not good for you. He’s a messenger of the Satan himself if he causes you to be this kind of a man.
The words felt like a stinging slap over his cheek. He wondered if the man like Father Richard can really absolve anyone’s sins. He swallowed the hurt down to his gut and said:
- The thing is Father…
- Yes, Daniel?
- I guess, I just don’t give a damn.
July, 1949
Sharon was in the very same hospital she worked in since she came to this God forsaken city. This time she found herself on the receiving end of staff’s care. She sighed, what a good way to go, she mused. She managed to literally drop dead from overworking herself. Sharon began thinking about Danny and whether he had received her false letter.
Since Danny has been away, Jim refused to go out and spend some time with his pals. He worried himself sick over Sharon and her heart couldn’t bear to leave him all by himself when the time comes. Sharon knew that this time, she was done for good. All those years she had fought to never let Jimmy notice how much it had hurt her. The physical pain was nothing compared to the pain of her own thoughts. She allowed herself to break down and burst in tears every time Jimmy would kiss her pale cheek and leave the room. Her sobs echoed and bounced against the walls remaining her of the clock ticking away. When it comes to dying, it’s every man for himself.
She spent days thinking about her life and her son, but she figured soon enough that those two cannot be separated. She had already arranged with Mrs. Cornwall to take care of her son until he’s eighteen. Danny will come back from the army in two years. The poor boy must have gotten a heart attack reading the false letter, but Sharon had to do it. There had been no other way to pull him out of the camp.
Only the hope that Danny will be taking care of her son could keep her together. There was so much more to that boy than meets the eye. If there was any chance for God to regain Sharon’s believing and faith it would be because of Danny.
She turned her head towards the window and traced the drops of summer rain on the glass. She wondered if the clouds ever expected when it rains, and thinking about the sky made her thinking about whether the sea changes color. She briefly mused over the fact that even though she lived in Hoboken, she never went down to Upper Bay to look at the calm surface of the vast blue, nor did she ever stop by Hudson river to enjoy the view. The sea does not change, Sharon concluded, the color does.
There was a knock on the door and she took a second to collect herself and to pick up the pieces of her scattered thoughts.
- Come in. – she managed to voice out pass the lump in her throat.
The door opened and she smiled upon seeing her boy standing with relieved expression on his face.
- Private Donovan, ma’am. – Danny said sounding foreign to himself.
Sharon took in his stance, his uniform and the haircut. He seemed bigger, more muscular, Sharon figured, and his posture seemed straighter. Seven months in the army did the numbers on the boy, but that childish face Sharon grew to love was still there.
- Oh, come here, you little-. – She was interrupted by the boy’s quick steps and sudden gentle hug.
Danny never needed to be told twice.
She felt his frame shaking as she patted his neatly styled hair.
- Sweetheart, it’s okay… - She encouraged and Danny could hardly hear her serene voice over his hiccuping.
The first time Danny cried was in the arms of this very woman. This woman came to be more of his guardian that his own mother ever was or ever could have been. He sobbed long enough for the both of them, briefly wondering if that made him a less of a man in her eyes. He managed to compose himself and he backed away tenderly holding her skinny white hand in his calloused palms.
- I have received your note Mrs. Patt. – He said after some time wiping the tears away.
- Ah, yes, I see. I had no idea that you will go straight to our flat to search for Jimmy, but I left the note at Mrs. Cornwall’s just in case. I’m glad you haven’t seen Jimmy yet. I wanted to see you first. – She declared in a soft yet strong voice.
He nodded and sat by her side when she patted the empty place near her thigh. Sharon questioned herself if she should tell Danny the truth about Jimmy’s father, but she already felt that the boy knew. The boy had known for a long time.
- Danny, I won’t last much. I need you to promise me something. – She said looking at his shiny brown eyes.
- Anything, Mrs. Patt. – He said hastily causing a small smile to appear on her lips.
- Promise that you will make Jimmy happy as often as you can.
Danny’s grip on her hand tightened.
- I promise, I promise he’ll be loved, safe an’ taken care of. – He said raising her hand to place a gentle kiss over the skin of her bony knuckles.
Sharon closed her eyes and took a deep breath in.
- Danny, I know. I have known for a while. – She whispered.
He tried to take his hand off of hers but she wrestled it in her own holding him tightly. He bowed his head in shame as she smoothed out his sleeve.
- There’s nothing to be ashamed for, Daniel, you hear me?
- Mrs. Patt- . – He begun.
- Listen to me Danny. If I had felt as half of the love as you feel for Jimmy, from the man in our stories, I would have been loved, safe and taken care of.
The silence was filled by Danny’s heartbeats. He felt it in his throat. She could hear it and she was glad she could. It was about time they talked about this.
- Ma’am… It’s not… It’s wrong, I’m... wrong. – He managed out.
- Says who? – She replied sternly.
- Ma’am, I’m pretty sure I’m gonna burn for what I am.
- Aren’t you already burning by keeping it down?
- I, uh… sometimes I feel like I’m goin’ insane.
- Love is strange that way.
- But, Jimmy would…
- Oh, hush! You have been too worried about not letting it slip, that you became blind too, Daniel?
- Excuse me? – The boy chocked wide-eyed.
- I’m not telling, but know that Jimmy would accept you no matter what, just as I have, am I clear?
She cradled his face in her soft palms and made him meet her eyes.
- Am I clear? – She repeated.
- Cristal, ma’am.
They were interrupted by another set of knocks on the door. Sharon turned around to check the time. She already felt dizzy and her eyelids became heavy.
- Come in Jimmy. – She called and Danny got off the bed to stand by the window.
He tried to will down his blush down and failed spectacularly.
- Ma, I couldn’t find your sweater I hope- .
Danny turned around to face the boy. Jimmy’s mouth closed and he grinned, white teeth flashing and cheeks puffing out. He made sure to close the door behind before he walked over to Danny. The older boy noticed the bags under Jimmy’s eyes and the slight sway as he walked. Poor Jimmy, he even lost some weight. Danny couldn’t wait to come back home for real. These three days were not nearly enough to soak up Jimmy’s beauty and Sharon’s kindness.
Danny took a step closer and Jimmy met him halfway.
They say that the hug can make people happier. Some say that it makes you healthier. There are those people that are able to write mile long poems about one simple hug. There are those who would go around hugging whoever comes near them. Some people sang about them, some wrote stories, some gave them freely and some refused them. Danny didn’t need poems, stories or songs to describe how he felt when he hugged his best friend after nearly seven months of harsh stoicism of the army. He felt nine all over again, as if nothing came between them. As if it was yesterday that Mrs. Patt made a cake for Danny and they settled down in the kitchen to talk and eat as a true family. This here, he thought, was his home. Not the farm house and the barn in Lancaster, not his pa’s and ma’s apartment above the bakery, not even an old flat of Mrs. Patt. It was here, in the arms of his best friend and so much more.
- Missed you kiddo. – He said.
- Missed you too, jerk. – Jimmy said without any sharpness to it.
If Sharon could have sung ‘Halleluiah’ she would have. Instead of it, she coughed awkwardly and smiled when they broke apart and came to sit by her sides both red-faced bickering over some letters they have been writing to each other. Jimmy poured a glass of water for her and Danny helped her get up to gulp it down.
- Tell us about army, Danny. – Sharon said closing her eyes and listening to the soft rumble of the boy’s voice.
He talked about the camp and the boys there. He talked till’ his throat went sore and Jimmy took over to talk about what had happened here at home. Sharon just listened nodding her head and smiling occasionally. Jimmy talked about Lil’ Frankie beating up Fat Bill and about school and the new principal they hired. They talked until Danny couldn’t hear the rain outside anymore or the soft splattering or the water on the sidewalk.
- Jimbo, your ma must be tired. We’ll come back tomorrow to visit her.
Jimmy smiled sheepishly and kissed his ma’s cheek. She leaned over to whisper something in his ear and he hugged her and whispered back. As Jimmy was preparing to leave, Sharon beckoned Danny to lean closer.
- Thank you Daniel. – She whispered.
It was clear to Danny that there will be no tomorrow when she kissed his cheek and smiled kindly.
- Goodbye Mrs. Patt. – Danny managed quietly kissing her cheek and smoothing out her graying hair.
- Come on, Danny. – Jimmy said opening the door.
Danny smiled and followed his friend waving to Mrs. Patt and silently closing the door behind.
When they stepped out of the hospital the clouds were already clearing out. There was a trace of light falling down over the buildings and the sound of barking dogs somewhere in the distance. Danny looked over to see Jimmy’s hazel eyes pointed at the sky. Tomorrow is another story, he told himself. Tomorrow they will break and combust, but today, they had a right to live.
- Y’okay there Jimbo? – He asked when Jimmy smiled clutching his ma’s jumper close to his chest.
- Yeah. – Jimmy breathed out.
- Wanna race to Hudson? – Danny smirked and smacked Jimmy’s back.
Jimmy staggered forward a little bit.
- Ow, you’re on jerk! – Jimmy yelled and raced after his friend as they disappeared down the streets of Hoboken, laughter following close behind.
The End
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