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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Teens
- Theme: Love stories / Romance
- Subject: Love / Romance / Dating
- Published: 07/09/2015
The fairytale cliche (NOT)
Born 1997, F, from Surat, IndiaAnita: Lily, Truth or Dare?
Lily (me): Truth (OBVIOUSLY)
Anita: did you ever have a crush on someone?
Lily: You know the answer Anita. NO!
Anita: Oh! Come on!
-----------------
Naina: he broke up with me! (Sob-sob)
Lily: Really? I’m so sorry darling. Do you want me to come over to your place?
Naina: no, it’s okay...It’s Ju-just...one moment he said “forever” and now he goes on to tell me that “we have to get over this thing”.
Lily: I am so very sorry Naina. What happened?
Naina: H-He is going abroad to continue his studies. But we can still have a long distance relationship na? How could he s-say that? How will I EVER get over him?
Lily: Look Naina. Maybe it’s for the best. And don’t worry. You’ll get over this thing. You’ll feel somewhat bad and lonely at the beginning. But hey! We’d always be there for you when you feel down. Right?
Naina: R-Are you s-sure? How do you know?
Lily: That well, um, I know... I promise, it gets better with time.
------------------
My name is Lily. Okay, now I’m 18, well, almost. And for just this time, in my whole life (till now), I want to be true to myself. Oh no, don’t worry this isn’t going to be sick confession game. (Or well, it may be, but I hope you find this interesting)
5-6 years back I was a wide-eyed girl, Intrigued by the concept of love. Thanks to the bollywood movies and my hormones, I was too much taken by it.
It was a very hopeless situation. Love was my new chocolate cake. So eventually, I started to like the neighbour boy (of my age) from whom I used to take notebooks for study. Okay, now he was smart, intelligent, cute and funny- but damn! We were so childish and impatient back then! Nothing happened though...Well, the Indian education system was smart enough to restrain me from thinking about him. It was for a very short period of time. But yeah, the time was enough for me to act all funny and crazy when I was alone, thinking about him. Unfortunately, he soon had to shift to some other place as his dad got transferred. So just like a gust of wind he was gone. He never got to know about my secret little crush on him. The pain wasn’t much as I didn’t even get to know him that much, just a few tears shed in the bathroom for that night.
I thought the chapter of “love” was over, at least while I’m still in school. It was boring and pretty shitty.
And then, out of nowhere a “he” came, a new admission. (the usual fairytale cliché )
It was a debate competition. I was an undisputed winner of such speaking competitions right from childhood. And there he was, seated somewhere completely out of my sight, arguing to me relentlessly. I hadn’t seen him until then. I just knew that I was talking to the “new admission guy”. I kept speaking my counter arguments patiently, while he continued to get on my nerves. At last it was only both of us verbally countering each other until the teacher had to call it a draw. I was astonished. I kind of, sulked for the whole day.
And then, I learnt about him. Grand school, loads of knowledge, show-off and wealthy.
You know the typical teenager who’s desperate to grab attention. I was pissed off at him from very first day. Oh! And his name was Sameer.
Soon, the news about the boy’s smartness, coolness spread like wildfire in the school. But I was never interested to know him; I was so busy being pissed off at him. But this guy bore amazing resemblance with the guy who had left a few months ago. Same stature, same nice hair and similar smartness. I was somehow driven to believe, that it must have been fate’s trick to bring back a person so similar to the guy I had temporarily liked.
But sometimes, he was really loud and phony. Mostly, not so around me. He was generally subdued in my presence ever since the debate. I didn’t know why. I didn’t care to know why.
Days went by just the same way. I made new friends, (that included Sameer - as he became best friends with Ajit (my childhood friend). He was weird- I mean Sameer. At least for me. Maybe because he had a weird loud voice (that he blamed on the fact that his previous school’s classrooms were so large that the students had no choice but to call out to their teachers loudly) or maybe because he was so damn shy around me. I didn’t know.
One day, I found his notebook in my bag. I opened it and flipped through it. Music notes. Bad handwriting. 50 Cent. Rap and pop music. (--Music taste not bad, but too different from mine)
I decided to return him back the book. So, I went to his seat. He was talking to his friends and laughing at a silly joke.
“Excuse me, Sameer,” God! What had happened to my voice! It seemed so... Small!
He turned and faced me. His friends became quiet and began to watch us as if some kind of movie was going on there.
Sameer smiled and asked, “Yes Lily?”
Did I tell you that he really had very dark black, like jet black eyes?
“Um, I found your notebook in my bag... I don’t know how it got there... here’s your notebook”
I didn’t want to stand there anymore... I felt like running away from there. I didn’t know why.
He, kind of blushed-or well, it must have been simply my imagination.
And he simply said “thank you” and smiled again. I nodded and whizzed past him.
At home I replayed this incident, ten times in my mind. Just to assure myself that Sameer wasn’t actually blushing.
Next day we had a seminar at school. Honestly, talking was the best part of the day for me. Not like, talking uselessly (well, sometimes that too) but More like talking formally with teachers in seminars, representing your opinions in front of the whole class kind of thing. But now, I had a new competitor, Sameer. So I prepared really well just in case, he decides to take over me again. However, that day when I was speaking my part, he shushed the rest of the class (maybe because he wanted to hear me properly). -- You know, you need to listen properly in order to counter someone. But all the while I was speaking; I couldn’t help but notice the sincere expression on his face. His eyes boring into me with a hint of wonder and amusement. After I finished, Sameer’s hand went straight up. (So predictable!)But to my surprise, all he said was that he would like to agree to my statement and congratulated on my detailed research on the subject. (‘Wait, was he being sarcastic?’ )
I didn’t know, but I felt he did that out of respect. For me. At least his eyes showed that.
And then out of nowhere... I began noticing that Sameer kept staring at me from across the hallways. Okay, now this was weird. No, it wasn’t the first time some boy was staring at me. But those boys were mostly hopeless people. And now here was Sameer, who could have any girl he wanted (well, except me-now) staring at me. At first I felt so uncomfortable that I made a point to ignore him. Okay, he may not be necessarily in love or whatever because he was staring at me. But it seemed to be the only relatable/relevant reason.
Really, I was SO over the “love” thing. I had big plans with my future that didn’t allow me to be distracted. I didn’t afford to like/love anyone.
When the staring became more persistent... I started staring him back. Thinking if catching him red handed like that would make him stop it or something.
Funny thing is, he didn’t stop- instead he looked all smug as if to say-“see! I got your attention!”
So this thing became a daily routine. He stared at me in the hallways, in the class, across the benches. And I would stare back at him defensively. I was kind of getting mad at Sameer. That is, until I saw his expression change from the ‘sly smug’ to a more ‘serious’ and well...like the kind of expression that tells “you-just-can’t-help-yourself?” I know it’s weird. But that look, well, THAT wooed me.
Don’t you do things sometimes, not really wanting it, but wanting to feel the thrill of it?
Like, you may fear height but you also long to feel the rush of a roller coaster?
It’s reckless, for sure... and you ALSO know it can be disastrous and messy-but still; you desperately want to feel it? Just because it will be a reminder of the fact that you are in REAL sense, alive and NOT bound by the traditions and rules of those around you? Don’t you feel like to break free sometimes and do things which are “reckless”, “stupid” and “thrilling”?
Everything after that was really bizarre. Excess of deodorants. Getting EXTRA conscious of the clothes I wore. Mood swings. Blankly staring out of windows in my room. Getting addicted to hopeless love songs.
But mostly, waiting to catch him staring at me, so that I could too look into those beautiful black eyes again. I felt so unusually attracted towards his eyes as if they were some kind of dark black holes and I couldn’t just help but get drawn by its gravity. His smile made my heart skip a beat. His talking to me (although about boring stuffs like homework or studies) made me breathless. There were silent, timeless moments of searching his eyes for an explanation. “What are we doing?” “Do you know how reckless this is?” But all his eyes seemed to say was “it’s okay...”and just like that, I fell even more into the pit hole. It was like the best thing and the worst thing were happening to me altogether. I admit it. It was a pretty WEIRD situation. But I told no one about the crazy, wild horses running within me. At times I was really tempted to do so. But somehow I managed to restrain myself.
Why did I want to restrain myself? Okay, So, I need you to know that in a country like ours, no matter in what century you are in, being in a relationship, especially when you are in school is practically- FORBIDDEN. By parents, by friends, by teachers- just name it! You do that and you are tagged as a something really bad for the rest of your lifetime in school. And seriously, I didn’t want all that shit to happen when I already knew there was no future to us. I had a good reputation, and I wanted to maintain it all my life. So just like any helpless teenager, I blamed all these stupid feelings on my hormones and moved ahead.
Life was tough and lonely. I knew all this was pointless. I knew that this wasn’t true love. I knew that if it was (if at all) my true love, it would return back to me someday. But the time that I spent on thinking about him, distracted, would never come back to me. I knew that I’ll regret this someday. I knew I had to be strong. I knew I had to restrain myself. I knew I had to be great. I knew I have to fight my wars alone. But my heart couldn’t be convinced of the same. And it was, according to me, totally corrupted.
Well, time moved on... We all got busy. I had recently joined the skating activity- because well, it’s no fun playing volleyball at noon; neither is getting sick from the over-chlorinated swimming pool water (there were more options but, I liked only these). Skating being an indoor activity was a lot more comfortable. All these activities took place at a venue little far from our school. So we all had to travel by bus.
One such day, Roy (a football stud) came up to me and motioned me to look at the back seat of the bus. Uh-okay. It was Sameer wearing a tee and shorts looking at me with those gorgeous black eyes, a little uncomfortably. “Want to go and sit with him?” Roy asked with a mischievously wicked smile on his face. I didn’t like Roy at all. Infact he even had a real bad reputation among girls. Too bad, Sameer thought him to be his coolest friend yet. Okay, so at that moment I really freaked out. Reasons? Well, for one- all eyes in the bus were on me and it was REALLY awkward, second- I thought it was some kind of stupid “dare” and third- I valued my reputation of being the ‘ideal girl’ too much. So I replied confidently (loud enough for everyone to hear) – “No thanks Roy. Why would I be interested to do something like that?” I turned away from him and resumed chatting with the girl beside me. I didn’t want to look at Sameer then. My heart was beating like crazy. My mind was saying just the same word again and again –‘sorry, sorry sorry’. I felt terrible. I felt like walking up to Sameer and sitting next to him even if we had almost reached our destination. I furiously thought about all the ways in which I could make up to Sameer for my rude behaviour. I thought about everything and came up with nothing. I did nothing. We just reached our destination and I silently got out of the bus and walked away.
Sameer was a changed boy since then. Or maybe he was that way always, but just not so around me. It was the loud and phony Sameer that I got to see more, since then. And I tell you, it was no fun tolerating such a person, let alone the fact that he’s is your crush.
He started avoiding me. That ‘look’ in his eyes was gone. Just gone. When our eyes met, he held on the gaze for a second, almost like he used to do before. My eyes forever questioning his. But just after that second passed, he shook his head and looked away.
He dismissed my attempts to reconcile with him. He talked with my best-girl-friend for hours and completely avoided me while I was sitting just next to her. (p.s. - They had NEVER talked before).
‘W-wait! What was that? Some silly “how-to-get-the-girl” aka “make-her-jealous” technique? Well, tough luck boy. It didn’t work! Honestly, dude, did you think I would sink this low?’
But most of all, he started disrespecting me. Rather, not respecting me at all.
“Sameer, can you tell Ajit to return my notebook tomorrow?”
“Lily, go do it yourself! I’m busy!” (Although the only thing he was doing then was cracking silly jokes with his group of friends)
And THAT got to my nerves. Here was I beating the hell out of myself to maintain some dignity, some damn respect and what do I get in return? Some shit from a spoiled brat? No, I was in no way going to agree to this bullshit. Even if I was a free country with no restrictions to bother about, I would have been ashamed to admit that he was the boy I had my first ever REAL crush on.
He continued to be the ‘changed Sameer’ or rather the ‘real Sameer’ by hanging out with the weird boys of our class and showing off his phoniness. Speaking out of turn. Laughing in a disgusting way. Cracking awfully brainless poor jokes and laughing all to himself. Commenting on the silliest of matters. Never taking my side and instead taking whosoever’s side who was against me. And worse, -- pretending that I don’t even exist.
Yeah. It was damn painful. That’s when I knew I HAD to move on. It was weird, moving over something that didn’t even exit, like a relationship or something. But it was real enough for me. It DID exist at least for me.
Now, I knew he had NOT forgotten me, he just pretended to do so. I guess we were both guilty of sparing ourselves a greater heartbreak. I don’t know if he understood my internal conflicts. I don’t know if he knew how much I had fallen for him. I don’t know what his reasons were. But I knew he had big aspirations too. He dreamt of becoming someone great, just like me. And success had its own price to be paid.
Selfishly, I thanked God that “our thing” had not gotten too far. People didn’t know. Some things are best left unsaid.
And, that’s okay. Because, I would remember this chapter of my life. I would remember the tenderness in those eyes; I would remember that shy smile. I would remember him smiling at me across the benches, the sun shining brightly behind him dilating his large black pupils. But Mostly, I would remember that feeling. The feeling of being madly addicted to something. The feeling of the worst and the best emotions coexisting together.
And then, the pain of heartbreak. The realization (one fine day) that you have FINALLY got over him forever. The assurance that there’s always daylight after darkness. The lesson that that pain makes you stronger.
Yes, I would remember it all.
A year from then I would hear about Sameer’s confession about a crush on me (from the time when he actually liked me). 2 years from then, I would know that Sameer has finally got over me. 3 and half years from then I would know that I had finally gotten over Sameer. Four years from then, I would know that our “thing” could be called teenage infatuation. Five years from then, I would hear about Sameer’s new girlfriend back in his hometown. I would hear he is happy. I would hear that he admires her. And at that time, I would just hope that he would have gotten the right girl for him.
Because, as I promised, it gets better with time.
The fairytale cliche (NOT)(Titli)
Anita: Lily, Truth or Dare?
Lily (me): Truth (OBVIOUSLY)
Anita: did you ever have a crush on someone?
Lily: You know the answer Anita. NO!
Anita: Oh! Come on!
-----------------
Naina: he broke up with me! (Sob-sob)
Lily: Really? I’m so sorry darling. Do you want me to come over to your place?
Naina: no, it’s okay...It’s Ju-just...one moment he said “forever” and now he goes on to tell me that “we have to get over this thing”.
Lily: I am so very sorry Naina. What happened?
Naina: H-He is going abroad to continue his studies. But we can still have a long distance relationship na? How could he s-say that? How will I EVER get over him?
Lily: Look Naina. Maybe it’s for the best. And don’t worry. You’ll get over this thing. You’ll feel somewhat bad and lonely at the beginning. But hey! We’d always be there for you when you feel down. Right?
Naina: R-Are you s-sure? How do you know?
Lily: That well, um, I know... I promise, it gets better with time.
------------------
My name is Lily. Okay, now I’m 18, well, almost. And for just this time, in my whole life (till now), I want to be true to myself. Oh no, don’t worry this isn’t going to be sick confession game. (Or well, it may be, but I hope you find this interesting)
5-6 years back I was a wide-eyed girl, Intrigued by the concept of love. Thanks to the bollywood movies and my hormones, I was too much taken by it.
It was a very hopeless situation. Love was my new chocolate cake. So eventually, I started to like the neighbour boy (of my age) from whom I used to take notebooks for study. Okay, now he was smart, intelligent, cute and funny- but damn! We were so childish and impatient back then! Nothing happened though...Well, the Indian education system was smart enough to restrain me from thinking about him. It was for a very short period of time. But yeah, the time was enough for me to act all funny and crazy when I was alone, thinking about him. Unfortunately, he soon had to shift to some other place as his dad got transferred. So just like a gust of wind he was gone. He never got to know about my secret little crush on him. The pain wasn’t much as I didn’t even get to know him that much, just a few tears shed in the bathroom for that night.
I thought the chapter of “love” was over, at least while I’m still in school. It was boring and pretty shitty.
And then, out of nowhere a “he” came, a new admission. (the usual fairytale cliché )
It was a debate competition. I was an undisputed winner of such speaking competitions right from childhood. And there he was, seated somewhere completely out of my sight, arguing to me relentlessly. I hadn’t seen him until then. I just knew that I was talking to the “new admission guy”. I kept speaking my counter arguments patiently, while he continued to get on my nerves. At last it was only both of us verbally countering each other until the teacher had to call it a draw. I was astonished. I kind of, sulked for the whole day.
And then, I learnt about him. Grand school, loads of knowledge, show-off and wealthy.
You know the typical teenager who’s desperate to grab attention. I was pissed off at him from very first day. Oh! And his name was Sameer.
Soon, the news about the boy’s smartness, coolness spread like wildfire in the school. But I was never interested to know him; I was so busy being pissed off at him. But this guy bore amazing resemblance with the guy who had left a few months ago. Same stature, same nice hair and similar smartness. I was somehow driven to believe, that it must have been fate’s trick to bring back a person so similar to the guy I had temporarily liked.
But sometimes, he was really loud and phony. Mostly, not so around me. He was generally subdued in my presence ever since the debate. I didn’t know why. I didn’t care to know why.
Days went by just the same way. I made new friends, (that included Sameer - as he became best friends with Ajit (my childhood friend). He was weird- I mean Sameer. At least for me. Maybe because he had a weird loud voice (that he blamed on the fact that his previous school’s classrooms were so large that the students had no choice but to call out to their teachers loudly) or maybe because he was so damn shy around me. I didn’t know.
One day, I found his notebook in my bag. I opened it and flipped through it. Music notes. Bad handwriting. 50 Cent. Rap and pop music. (--Music taste not bad, but too different from mine)
I decided to return him back the book. So, I went to his seat. He was talking to his friends and laughing at a silly joke.
“Excuse me, Sameer,” God! What had happened to my voice! It seemed so... Small!
He turned and faced me. His friends became quiet and began to watch us as if some kind of movie was going on there.
Sameer smiled and asked, “Yes Lily?”
Did I tell you that he really had very dark black, like jet black eyes?
“Um, I found your notebook in my bag... I don’t know how it got there... here’s your notebook”
I didn’t want to stand there anymore... I felt like running away from there. I didn’t know why.
He, kind of blushed-or well, it must have been simply my imagination.
And he simply said “thank you” and smiled again. I nodded and whizzed past him.
At home I replayed this incident, ten times in my mind. Just to assure myself that Sameer wasn’t actually blushing.
Next day we had a seminar at school. Honestly, talking was the best part of the day for me. Not like, talking uselessly (well, sometimes that too) but More like talking formally with teachers in seminars, representing your opinions in front of the whole class kind of thing. But now, I had a new competitor, Sameer. So I prepared really well just in case, he decides to take over me again. However, that day when I was speaking my part, he shushed the rest of the class (maybe because he wanted to hear me properly). -- You know, you need to listen properly in order to counter someone. But all the while I was speaking; I couldn’t help but notice the sincere expression on his face. His eyes boring into me with a hint of wonder and amusement. After I finished, Sameer’s hand went straight up. (So predictable!)But to my surprise, all he said was that he would like to agree to my statement and congratulated on my detailed research on the subject. (‘Wait, was he being sarcastic?’ )
I didn’t know, but I felt he did that out of respect. For me. At least his eyes showed that.
And then out of nowhere... I began noticing that Sameer kept staring at me from across the hallways. Okay, now this was weird. No, it wasn’t the first time some boy was staring at me. But those boys were mostly hopeless people. And now here was Sameer, who could have any girl he wanted (well, except me-now) staring at me. At first I felt so uncomfortable that I made a point to ignore him. Okay, he may not be necessarily in love or whatever because he was staring at me. But it seemed to be the only relatable/relevant reason.
Really, I was SO over the “love” thing. I had big plans with my future that didn’t allow me to be distracted. I didn’t afford to like/love anyone.
When the staring became more persistent... I started staring him back. Thinking if catching him red handed like that would make him stop it or something.
Funny thing is, he didn’t stop- instead he looked all smug as if to say-“see! I got your attention!”
So this thing became a daily routine. He stared at me in the hallways, in the class, across the benches. And I would stare back at him defensively. I was kind of getting mad at Sameer. That is, until I saw his expression change from the ‘sly smug’ to a more ‘serious’ and well...like the kind of expression that tells “you-just-can’t-help-yourself?” I know it’s weird. But that look, well, THAT wooed me.
Don’t you do things sometimes, not really wanting it, but wanting to feel the thrill of it?
Like, you may fear height but you also long to feel the rush of a roller coaster?
It’s reckless, for sure... and you ALSO know it can be disastrous and messy-but still; you desperately want to feel it? Just because it will be a reminder of the fact that you are in REAL sense, alive and NOT bound by the traditions and rules of those around you? Don’t you feel like to break free sometimes and do things which are “reckless”, “stupid” and “thrilling”?
Everything after that was really bizarre. Excess of deodorants. Getting EXTRA conscious of the clothes I wore. Mood swings. Blankly staring out of windows in my room. Getting addicted to hopeless love songs.
But mostly, waiting to catch him staring at me, so that I could too look into those beautiful black eyes again. I felt so unusually attracted towards his eyes as if they were some kind of dark black holes and I couldn’t just help but get drawn by its gravity. His smile made my heart skip a beat. His talking to me (although about boring stuffs like homework or studies) made me breathless. There were silent, timeless moments of searching his eyes for an explanation. “What are we doing?” “Do you know how reckless this is?” But all his eyes seemed to say was “it’s okay...”and just like that, I fell even more into the pit hole. It was like the best thing and the worst thing were happening to me altogether. I admit it. It was a pretty WEIRD situation. But I told no one about the crazy, wild horses running within me. At times I was really tempted to do so. But somehow I managed to restrain myself.
Why did I want to restrain myself? Okay, So, I need you to know that in a country like ours, no matter in what century you are in, being in a relationship, especially when you are in school is practically- FORBIDDEN. By parents, by friends, by teachers- just name it! You do that and you are tagged as a something really bad for the rest of your lifetime in school. And seriously, I didn’t want all that shit to happen when I already knew there was no future to us. I had a good reputation, and I wanted to maintain it all my life. So just like any helpless teenager, I blamed all these stupid feelings on my hormones and moved ahead.
Life was tough and lonely. I knew all this was pointless. I knew that this wasn’t true love. I knew that if it was (if at all) my true love, it would return back to me someday. But the time that I spent on thinking about him, distracted, would never come back to me. I knew that I’ll regret this someday. I knew I had to be strong. I knew I had to restrain myself. I knew I had to be great. I knew I have to fight my wars alone. But my heart couldn’t be convinced of the same. And it was, according to me, totally corrupted.
Well, time moved on... We all got busy. I had recently joined the skating activity- because well, it’s no fun playing volleyball at noon; neither is getting sick from the over-chlorinated swimming pool water (there were more options but, I liked only these). Skating being an indoor activity was a lot more comfortable. All these activities took place at a venue little far from our school. So we all had to travel by bus.
One such day, Roy (a football stud) came up to me and motioned me to look at the back seat of the bus. Uh-okay. It was Sameer wearing a tee and shorts looking at me with those gorgeous black eyes, a little uncomfortably. “Want to go and sit with him?” Roy asked with a mischievously wicked smile on his face. I didn’t like Roy at all. Infact he even had a real bad reputation among girls. Too bad, Sameer thought him to be his coolest friend yet. Okay, so at that moment I really freaked out. Reasons? Well, for one- all eyes in the bus were on me and it was REALLY awkward, second- I thought it was some kind of stupid “dare” and third- I valued my reputation of being the ‘ideal girl’ too much. So I replied confidently (loud enough for everyone to hear) – “No thanks Roy. Why would I be interested to do something like that?” I turned away from him and resumed chatting with the girl beside me. I didn’t want to look at Sameer then. My heart was beating like crazy. My mind was saying just the same word again and again –‘sorry, sorry sorry’. I felt terrible. I felt like walking up to Sameer and sitting next to him even if we had almost reached our destination. I furiously thought about all the ways in which I could make up to Sameer for my rude behaviour. I thought about everything and came up with nothing. I did nothing. We just reached our destination and I silently got out of the bus and walked away.
Sameer was a changed boy since then. Or maybe he was that way always, but just not so around me. It was the loud and phony Sameer that I got to see more, since then. And I tell you, it was no fun tolerating such a person, let alone the fact that he’s is your crush.
He started avoiding me. That ‘look’ in his eyes was gone. Just gone. When our eyes met, he held on the gaze for a second, almost like he used to do before. My eyes forever questioning his. But just after that second passed, he shook his head and looked away.
He dismissed my attempts to reconcile with him. He talked with my best-girl-friend for hours and completely avoided me while I was sitting just next to her. (p.s. - They had NEVER talked before).
‘W-wait! What was that? Some silly “how-to-get-the-girl” aka “make-her-jealous” technique? Well, tough luck boy. It didn’t work! Honestly, dude, did you think I would sink this low?’
But most of all, he started disrespecting me. Rather, not respecting me at all.
“Sameer, can you tell Ajit to return my notebook tomorrow?”
“Lily, go do it yourself! I’m busy!” (Although the only thing he was doing then was cracking silly jokes with his group of friends)
And THAT got to my nerves. Here was I beating the hell out of myself to maintain some dignity, some damn respect and what do I get in return? Some shit from a spoiled brat? No, I was in no way going to agree to this bullshit. Even if I was a free country with no restrictions to bother about, I would have been ashamed to admit that he was the boy I had my first ever REAL crush on.
He continued to be the ‘changed Sameer’ or rather the ‘real Sameer’ by hanging out with the weird boys of our class and showing off his phoniness. Speaking out of turn. Laughing in a disgusting way. Cracking awfully brainless poor jokes and laughing all to himself. Commenting on the silliest of matters. Never taking my side and instead taking whosoever’s side who was against me. And worse, -- pretending that I don’t even exist.
Yeah. It was damn painful. That’s when I knew I HAD to move on. It was weird, moving over something that didn’t even exit, like a relationship or something. But it was real enough for me. It DID exist at least for me.
Now, I knew he had NOT forgotten me, he just pretended to do so. I guess we were both guilty of sparing ourselves a greater heartbreak. I don’t know if he understood my internal conflicts. I don’t know if he knew how much I had fallen for him. I don’t know what his reasons were. But I knew he had big aspirations too. He dreamt of becoming someone great, just like me. And success had its own price to be paid.
Selfishly, I thanked God that “our thing” had not gotten too far. People didn’t know. Some things are best left unsaid.
And, that’s okay. Because, I would remember this chapter of my life. I would remember the tenderness in those eyes; I would remember that shy smile. I would remember him smiling at me across the benches, the sun shining brightly behind him dilating his large black pupils. But Mostly, I would remember that feeling. The feeling of being madly addicted to something. The feeling of the worst and the best emotions coexisting together.
And then, the pain of heartbreak. The realization (one fine day) that you have FINALLY got over him forever. The assurance that there’s always daylight after darkness. The lesson that that pain makes you stronger.
Yes, I would remember it all.
A year from then I would hear about Sameer’s confession about a crush on me (from the time when he actually liked me). 2 years from then, I would know that Sameer has finally got over me. 3 and half years from then I would know that I had finally gotten over Sameer. Four years from then, I would know that our “thing” could be called teenage infatuation. Five years from then, I would hear about Sameer’s new girlfriend back in his hometown. I would hear he is happy. I would hear that he admires her. And at that time, I would just hope that he would have gotten the right girl for him.
Because, as I promised, it gets better with time.
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