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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Fairy Tales & Fantasy
- Subject: Revenge / Poetic Justice / Karma
- Published: 10/16/2012
Rumpled
Born 1967, F, from Tacoma WA, United StatesRumpled
Once upon a time I thought
I'd win a bride because of craft,
But every time I tried it
The girl got the last laugh.
Since I'm a man of magic
I decided to get me a hook,
So I enchanted a nice orchard
And waited for a crook.
Many a lass took the bait,
And I contracted with them all
To guess my name in a given time,
But a sly bird was my downfall.
Every time I waited
The blasted bird would come
Whisper my name in the maiden's ear,
And the deal would be done.
The more girls who got away
The redder my face grew
Until I met a lawyer
Who told me what to do.
You see, I learned a new craft,
The art of the hidden clause,
For most folks don't read fineprint,
They're in no mood to pause.
The next girl I caught was different,
For I knew just what to do
When she snuck into my orchard
To steal her piece of fruit.
On the morn when I awakened
I got me an arrow or two,
Then hunted down that tattling bird
And threw him in my stew.
"Your name is Rumplestiltskin,"
She answered me with glee,
But instead of allowing her to leave
I refered to article three:
"If you should arrive upon my name
By any external means
This deal is null and void
And you will have to marry me."
Of course she tried to plead,
And summarily tried to flee,
But in the end our fates were sealed--
She had to marry me.
Ever since we got leg-shackled
The shrew's been forever by my side,
And since the contract is binding
There's nowhere I can hide.
Rumpled(Robin Joy Wirth)
Rumpled
Once upon a time I thought
I'd win a bride because of craft,
But every time I tried it
The girl got the last laugh.
Since I'm a man of magic
I decided to get me a hook,
So I enchanted a nice orchard
And waited for a crook.
Many a lass took the bait,
And I contracted with them all
To guess my name in a given time,
But a sly bird was my downfall.
Every time I waited
The blasted bird would come
Whisper my name in the maiden's ear,
And the deal would be done.
The more girls who got away
The redder my face grew
Until I met a lawyer
Who told me what to do.
You see, I learned a new craft,
The art of the hidden clause,
For most folks don't read fineprint,
They're in no mood to pause.
The next girl I caught was different,
For I knew just what to do
When she snuck into my orchard
To steal her piece of fruit.
On the morn when I awakened
I got me an arrow or two,
Then hunted down that tattling bird
And threw him in my stew.
"Your name is Rumplestiltskin,"
She answered me with glee,
But instead of allowing her to leave
I refered to article three:
"If you should arrive upon my name
By any external means
This deal is null and void
And you will have to marry me."
Of course she tried to plead,
And summarily tried to flee,
But in the end our fates were sealed--
She had to marry me.
Ever since we got leg-shackled
The shrew's been forever by my side,
And since the contract is binding
There's nowhere I can hide.
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