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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Drama / Human Interest
- Subject: Comedy / Humor
- Published: 06/16/2022
FROM HUH, TO DEAD.
Born 1943, M, from San Jose, United StatesFrom huh? To dead.
Amazing things can happen when taking a simple hearing test.
This article was originally placed on my web-site in 2008. I thought I would share what happened to me on a ‘routine’ ear hearing exam. If it seems familiar, then you may have visited the same secret lab that I went to.
Several years ago I noticed I started saying huh, what, and let’s not forget the golden oldie… ‘You never told me that!’ Being a stubborn old fart, I was putting off the inevitable hearing test. It took awhile, but my family finally convinced me (“Look you ol’ %$*#%@! get your hearing checked.”)
So, off to the clinic I went. I filled out the papers and waited. We won’t say how long it took. Let’s just say that when I went in; President Bush One was in office. When I came out Bush was still there except he looked younger and kept saying something was ‘NEWCLEAR’
While I was in there I met one of the people that invented torture chambers. She had me sit in a chair that resembled the electric chair, in a room that oddly enough looked like the gas chamber at San Quentin. I’m sure that using one style of chair cut costs dramatically for them. This way the manufacturer didn’t have to re-tool.
After what seemed like ‘all those years’ of sounds in this ear and sounds in that ear and sounds all around (you get the picture,) they said there was one more test and then they would release me to wander home. All I had to do was undress.
“What? Why? I’m here for my ears, not my… . Then they told me. It was an M.R.I. “Why?” I asked. “Just routine.” They answered.
Halfway through the test they pull me out of the Hell and some Doctor Franken-whatever walks up and sticks a needle into my arm. “Ve must zee into yur brain. Dis vill lighten tings oop alittle in dere.”
After the test they said to dress. “We’ll have your results in a few days,” they told me. I wasn’t about to doubt them, because they knew where I lived.
Three weeks went by without hearing from them. I decided to brave it and call and ask “Wassup?” I kinda wish I hadn’t.
“Hello… hearing clinic, may I help you?” The lady answered.
After I identified myself I asked for the test results. She said to wait a moment. I did, and I did, and finally. After listening to a musical rendition of I HEAR THE COTTONWOODS WHISPERING ABOVE, and some of I HEAR YOU KNOCKIN’, someone finally came on the line and asked me who was I,… REALLY?
I tried my best to convince them I was me. No such luck. I finally pulled the ol’ “I’ll get my lawyer” on her. She gave me the results. The results from hell.
“I’m sorry to say whatever relative you are, we are sorry for your loss.”
“What? You’re nuts. I’m right here, alive. How else could I talk to you?” I yelled into the phone receiver that I almost snapped in half while in shock from hearing I was dead.
It took about a dozen phone calls to the clinic before I got the results I needed to convince me I was still here. I went to the clinic and the chief neuro-surgeon showed me where the now former nurse and doctor had made their mistakes.
Did you know that our brain is colorful? It’s really neat to see all the little lines and things. You gotta check out the top view. It’s awesome.
Anyway, (to the dismay of some people I know) I’ll be around awhile longer unless I decide to trade in my poor hearing for another test.
FROM HUH, TO DEAD.(Louis M. Serra)
From huh? To dead.
Amazing things can happen when taking a simple hearing test.
This article was originally placed on my web-site in 2008. I thought I would share what happened to me on a ‘routine’ ear hearing exam. If it seems familiar, then you may have visited the same secret lab that I went to.
Several years ago I noticed I started saying huh, what, and let’s not forget the golden oldie… ‘You never told me that!’ Being a stubborn old fart, I was putting off the inevitable hearing test. It took awhile, but my family finally convinced me (“Look you ol’ %$*#%@! get your hearing checked.”)
So, off to the clinic I went. I filled out the papers and waited. We won’t say how long it took. Let’s just say that when I went in; President Bush One was in office. When I came out Bush was still there except he looked younger and kept saying something was ‘NEWCLEAR’
While I was in there I met one of the people that invented torture chambers. She had me sit in a chair that resembled the electric chair, in a room that oddly enough looked like the gas chamber at San Quentin. I’m sure that using one style of chair cut costs dramatically for them. This way the manufacturer didn’t have to re-tool.
After what seemed like ‘all those years’ of sounds in this ear and sounds in that ear and sounds all around (you get the picture,) they said there was one more test and then they would release me to wander home. All I had to do was undress.
“What? Why? I’m here for my ears, not my… . Then they told me. It was an M.R.I. “Why?” I asked. “Just routine.” They answered.
Halfway through the test they pull me out of the Hell and some Doctor Franken-whatever walks up and sticks a needle into my arm. “Ve must zee into yur brain. Dis vill lighten tings oop alittle in dere.”
After the test they said to dress. “We’ll have your results in a few days,” they told me. I wasn’t about to doubt them, because they knew where I lived.
Three weeks went by without hearing from them. I decided to brave it and call and ask “Wassup?” I kinda wish I hadn’t.
“Hello… hearing clinic, may I help you?” The lady answered.
After I identified myself I asked for the test results. She said to wait a moment. I did, and I did, and finally. After listening to a musical rendition of I HEAR THE COTTONWOODS WHISPERING ABOVE, and some of I HEAR YOU KNOCKIN’, someone finally came on the line and asked me who was I,… REALLY?
I tried my best to convince them I was me. No such luck. I finally pulled the ol’ “I’ll get my lawyer” on her. She gave me the results. The results from hell.
“I’m sorry to say whatever relative you are, we are sorry for your loss.”
“What? You’re nuts. I’m right here, alive. How else could I talk to you?” I yelled into the phone receiver that I almost snapped in half while in shock from hearing I was dead.
It took about a dozen phone calls to the clinic before I got the results I needed to convince me I was still here. I went to the clinic and the chief neuro-surgeon showed me where the now former nurse and doctor had made their mistakes.
Did you know that our brain is colorful? It’s really neat to see all the little lines and things. You gotta check out the top view. It’s awesome.
Anyway, (to the dismay of some people I know) I’ll be around awhile longer unless I decide to trade in my poor hearing for another test.
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