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- Story Listed as: True Life For Adults
- Theme: Family & Friends
- Subject: Death / Heartbreak / Loss
- Published: 09/17/2021
Delete.
Born 1951, M, from Wilmington NC, United StatesAuthor's Note: My best friend for over fifty year passed away on 11 September, 2021. He was just shy of his Seventieth Birthday. I am just shy of mine too. We were going to have lunch on his Seventieth Birthday to Officially celebrate becoming old fogies. Ed won't be at that lunch.
*****
A key stroke. That’s all it took. One click…and decades of friendship, laughter, tears, joy, and companionship…gone.
Edward C. Hudak: 23 November 1951- 11 September 2021. Just shy of seventy years old…and the plans of two old friends give way to Life, and Death happens. Ed has been in my address book, my memory (before Smartphones became where I stored phone numbers and addresses) and my heart for more than fifty eight years. Today I deleted him from my Computer, my iPad, and my Smartphone. One click: Delete. And Ed is gone from my devices.
No longer will Ed receive a gazillion emails from me. Ed was very organized, he set up files for my emails: Personal (only for Ed), Group (which I used to send out when I travelled to friends and Family), Stories (for my short stories), and Rants. Yes, Rants. But not political rants. Rants about Science, Philosophy, Friendship, Love, and History. He read every word of the first file: Personal. No small task. I told you Ed was organized. In one Decade I sent Ed over seven thousand emails. Last Decade…well, I slowed down and he only got four thousand or so.
And I called Ed once a week since way back in 1963. What kind of friend puts up with hour long phone calls every week PLUS a plethora of emails that might range from neuroscience, to an experience in the wildness of Alaska. What kind of friend does that? My best friend. Ed.
I think it was even harder to hit the “Delete” key on my phone. I last talked with Ed on August 30th, the night before his 25th Wedding Anniversary. For the previous 24 hours Ed had been unresponsive, without any food or drink. Then he rallied. And we talked. It was to be our last talk. We shared things that I can’t share. But we had a moment I can share.
Ed was having trouble getting his thoughts together, the Cancer and Pain combining to wreak havoc with his speech. He cried (only the second time in my life I had seen him cry) as he said: “Hang in there Kevin, I know you know what I am trying to say…but I have to say it.” He struggled for ten minutes and then he said: “I love you, Kev.”
We laughed through our tears when I replied: “I wanted to say that!” It was to be our last laugh together. That moment won’t be deleted from my mind until I myself am deleted. I held that memory as tight as my phone when I offered up a goodbye to Ed…and pressed: DELETE. There is no trace of Ed now on my computer, my phone, or my iPad. My old address book, I had to erase the old fashion way…with the eraser end of a number 2 Pencil. And that was like erasing something as historic and precious as the Dead Sea Scrolls. Ancient history, in pen, ink, and pencil.
That is how long ago Ed and I became friends. Schaefer Pens with their ink cartridges were the pen of choice. Many a shirt pocket was stained with either black or blue ink, including Ed’s and mine. Ballpoint pens became popular when we started High School. So no more Christmas Presents of varying levels of quality Schaefer Ink Pens (with cartridge packs!). No, now we got Bic’s in blue, black and red in packages of six, twelve or even twenty! And let us not forget the lovely #2 Pencil. Ed and I still use those.
Pencil is what you wrote down things in when your first thought of them. Or when doing Math. Or when you put in street addresses in your “little black book” - which, by the way, back in my day, had a double meaning. People were starting to move out, move on, and move out of state when Ed and I burst into the Seventies: Marriage, the Army, Jobs, or straight out Hippie Walk About - so you pencilled in their address. That way, when they moved - you just kept their name in ink (permanent) and penciled in the new address (temporary?).
Ink was used for notes to girlfriends, fiancé, or bad poetry for your latest crush. Love was never written in Pencil. Ink was also used for the things we used to write to others: Letters, Thank you Cards, and Birthday Cards being the most common. Eventually the ball point pen took the load off of the old style ink pens. Less elegant, but also less leaky. LOL
Think about that for a minute. Ed and I had inkwells on our desks in grade school. By the time of his death, neither of us wrote anything…we printed it out on a computer. Except for the occasional special occasion - like a birthday or Anniversary. Then you still got a card with ink on it…and pencil was verboten on those few short notes. A life that went from Cursive to Cursor…from rotary phones that had numbers like: Bradbury four five nine. To “Hey Siri! Call Ed.” We went from Hot Rods, to Muscle Cars, to SUV’s and Electric Drives. And now…autonomous driving cars.
A far cry from Ed’s first three speed on the Column Chevy. A car that if it could talk, would just smile and keep its memories to itself. It would look at Ed and I and wink. Ed was not a morning person, neither was his sister, come to think of it, no one in his family was. So imagine putting up with my constant barrage of words at seven AM without any coffee to act as a buffer. Many a car ride to School involved his Sister and Ed trying their best not to strangle me. And me without a clue.
Ed sent me exactly three emails in his life. I didn’t keep any of them. I rarely do. I read and delete. And now…I realize that it isn’t always the best move to delete. Same with his Sister, a dear friend in my early life…never kept any of her writings either. Let that be a lesson to those of you who do want some memories…although in today’s FACEBOOK, Instagram, Tik Tok, and what have you…maybe letters and notes don’t carry the same weight. Ed and I lived mostly undocumented lives. Sadly, I have only three pictures of Ed and I. Three in fifty eight years. I have to go the land of “Should have” for a bit, for I should have taken more…and saved more of them. No delete key necessary.
I had to take yet another few moments to compose myself. You see I went to the “Bcc” button to list the folks this email would go out to…and I typed “Ed” and his email handle didn’t come up. It has been deleted. And that hit me hard. He won’t show up at the touch of a button, or key word anymore. Ed…is gone. If there is anything next, well, he is the Shortstop on the Baseball Team, and Captain of the Bowling Team.
If there isn’t, his memory won’t be deleted until I die. And there is no delete key for missing folks you loved.
I love you Ed. And I am glad I said it.
Delete.(Kevin Hughes)
Author's Note: My best friend for over fifty year passed away on 11 September, 2021. He was just shy of his Seventieth Birthday. I am just shy of mine too. We were going to have lunch on his Seventieth Birthday to Officially celebrate becoming old fogies. Ed won't be at that lunch.
*****
A key stroke. That’s all it took. One click…and decades of friendship, laughter, tears, joy, and companionship…gone.
Edward C. Hudak: 23 November 1951- 11 September 2021. Just shy of seventy years old…and the plans of two old friends give way to Life, and Death happens. Ed has been in my address book, my memory (before Smartphones became where I stored phone numbers and addresses) and my heart for more than fifty eight years. Today I deleted him from my Computer, my iPad, and my Smartphone. One click: Delete. And Ed is gone from my devices.
No longer will Ed receive a gazillion emails from me. Ed was very organized, he set up files for my emails: Personal (only for Ed), Group (which I used to send out when I travelled to friends and Family), Stories (for my short stories), and Rants. Yes, Rants. But not political rants. Rants about Science, Philosophy, Friendship, Love, and History. He read every word of the first file: Personal. No small task. I told you Ed was organized. In one Decade I sent Ed over seven thousand emails. Last Decade…well, I slowed down and he only got four thousand or so.
And I called Ed once a week since way back in 1963. What kind of friend puts up with hour long phone calls every week PLUS a plethora of emails that might range from neuroscience, to an experience in the wildness of Alaska. What kind of friend does that? My best friend. Ed.
I think it was even harder to hit the “Delete” key on my phone. I last talked with Ed on August 30th, the night before his 25th Wedding Anniversary. For the previous 24 hours Ed had been unresponsive, without any food or drink. Then he rallied. And we talked. It was to be our last talk. We shared things that I can’t share. But we had a moment I can share.
Ed was having trouble getting his thoughts together, the Cancer and Pain combining to wreak havoc with his speech. He cried (only the second time in my life I had seen him cry) as he said: “Hang in there Kevin, I know you know what I am trying to say…but I have to say it.” He struggled for ten minutes and then he said: “I love you, Kev.”
We laughed through our tears when I replied: “I wanted to say that!” It was to be our last laugh together. That moment won’t be deleted from my mind until I myself am deleted. I held that memory as tight as my phone when I offered up a goodbye to Ed…and pressed: DELETE. There is no trace of Ed now on my computer, my phone, or my iPad. My old address book, I had to erase the old fashion way…with the eraser end of a number 2 Pencil. And that was like erasing something as historic and precious as the Dead Sea Scrolls. Ancient history, in pen, ink, and pencil.
That is how long ago Ed and I became friends. Schaefer Pens with their ink cartridges were the pen of choice. Many a shirt pocket was stained with either black or blue ink, including Ed’s and mine. Ballpoint pens became popular when we started High School. So no more Christmas Presents of varying levels of quality Schaefer Ink Pens (with cartridge packs!). No, now we got Bic’s in blue, black and red in packages of six, twelve or even twenty! And let us not forget the lovely #2 Pencil. Ed and I still use those.
Pencil is what you wrote down things in when your first thought of them. Or when doing Math. Or when you put in street addresses in your “little black book” - which, by the way, back in my day, had a double meaning. People were starting to move out, move on, and move out of state when Ed and I burst into the Seventies: Marriage, the Army, Jobs, or straight out Hippie Walk About - so you pencilled in their address. That way, when they moved - you just kept their name in ink (permanent) and penciled in the new address (temporary?).
Ink was used for notes to girlfriends, fiancé, or bad poetry for your latest crush. Love was never written in Pencil. Ink was also used for the things we used to write to others: Letters, Thank you Cards, and Birthday Cards being the most common. Eventually the ball point pen took the load off of the old style ink pens. Less elegant, but also less leaky. LOL
Think about that for a minute. Ed and I had inkwells on our desks in grade school. By the time of his death, neither of us wrote anything…we printed it out on a computer. Except for the occasional special occasion - like a birthday or Anniversary. Then you still got a card with ink on it…and pencil was verboten on those few short notes. A life that went from Cursive to Cursor…from rotary phones that had numbers like: Bradbury four five nine. To “Hey Siri! Call Ed.” We went from Hot Rods, to Muscle Cars, to SUV’s and Electric Drives. And now…autonomous driving cars.
A far cry from Ed’s first three speed on the Column Chevy. A car that if it could talk, would just smile and keep its memories to itself. It would look at Ed and I and wink. Ed was not a morning person, neither was his sister, come to think of it, no one in his family was. So imagine putting up with my constant barrage of words at seven AM without any coffee to act as a buffer. Many a car ride to School involved his Sister and Ed trying their best not to strangle me. And me without a clue.
Ed sent me exactly three emails in his life. I didn’t keep any of them. I rarely do. I read and delete. And now…I realize that it isn’t always the best move to delete. Same with his Sister, a dear friend in my early life…never kept any of her writings either. Let that be a lesson to those of you who do want some memories…although in today’s FACEBOOK, Instagram, Tik Tok, and what have you…maybe letters and notes don’t carry the same weight. Ed and I lived mostly undocumented lives. Sadly, I have only three pictures of Ed and I. Three in fifty eight years. I have to go the land of “Should have” for a bit, for I should have taken more…and saved more of them. No delete key necessary.
I had to take yet another few moments to compose myself. You see I went to the “Bcc” button to list the folks this email would go out to…and I typed “Ed” and his email handle didn’t come up. It has been deleted. And that hit me hard. He won’t show up at the touch of a button, or key word anymore. Ed…is gone. If there is anything next, well, he is the Shortstop on the Baseball Team, and Captain of the Bowling Team.
If there isn’t, his memory won’t be deleted until I die. And there is no delete key for missing folks you loved.
I love you Ed. And I am glad I said it.
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JD
09/19/2021You are very blessed to have had such a wonderful lifelong friendship, and to have been able to say goodbye and I love you. No one can delete him from your mind or your heart. And now he is on Storystar too! Thanks for sharing your friend with us, Kevin.
ReplyHelp Us Understand What's Happening
Kevin Hughes
09/20/2021Thanks JD,
He told me to live "bigger" so I could do the things he couldn't. I told him I would make sure to enjoy the moments he couldn't anymore; like go for a walk without pain. And that is what he meant about "living bigger". Thanks for your kind words. Smiles, Kevin
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Kevin Hughes
09/17/2021Thanks Stephen,
It’s been a tough week but I’m glad I knew them as long as I did. Smiles, Kevin
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Gail Moore
09/17/2021Kevin, I am so sorry for your loss.
It's very sad to say goodbyes especially in today's environment and to life time friends.
I shall keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.
Footnote: I see your story has been targeted with a 2 overnight.
Well deserving of a 5 my friend.
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Kevin Hughes
09/20/2021Hey JD,
I just ignore the two star person. I know if three people gave me five stars, and one gave me two...the story still worked. LOL. Smiles, Kevin
Help Us Understand What's Happening
JD
09/19/2021Would you two please let me know when/if you get 2 star ratings on your stories so that I can 'fix' it for you? :-)
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Kevin Hughes
09/17/2021Aloha Gail,
Yeah, I had two tough times, deleting his email from all my devices, and when I went to call him yesterday (our regular once a week call) ...and of course, I couldn't. As far as the person who puts two on everybody's Five Star Stories...that is just their opinion...and they are hopefully being honest with themselves. Even getting a single star is a pretty cool testimony ...since it requires hitting a button! LOL. Smiles, Kevin (and I know you have had your losses so I know you understand.)
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