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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Horror
- Subject: Horror / Scary
- Published: 11/04/2019
THE CLOWN
Born 2000, M, from California, United StatesOne dark and stormy night, four teenage guys named Mark, Evan, Donald, and Zac were driving down a long road when they spot a road sign that read CIRCUS: 5 miles away. The guys decided to go check out the circus so they turned on the radio to listen to some tunes and were on their way to the circus. A few minutes later, they were at the circus but the circus looked abandoned and old. When they went inside the circus, they saw a lot of mannequins in weird positions: One was laid down with a hatchet in the head and another stood next to it with it's palms to it's face as if it was crying for the loss of it's friend. The guys were freaked out so all four of them ran back to the truck, got inside, Zac turned on the ignition and.... the truck didn't start.
Then they got out and saw a clown with a bloody hatchet coming towards them. The clown gets mark first chopping his head off with blood squirting out of mark's body, then donald trips while away running from the clown then the clown plunges the hatchet into donald's head. Evan and zac ran down the road but suddenly, the clown throws the axe right for evan and it goes through evan's chest like butter. "EVAN NOOOOOO!!!!" zac cried out. All of zac's friends were dead and there wasn't really anywhere to hide so zac decided he would go down fighting.
The clown swings his axe aiming to cut zac's head clean off but zac narrowly dodges it and then he tackles the clown to the ground. Zac then starts punching the clown in the face while the clown was laughing like a madman, then zac sees the axe laying nearby and picks it up. He raises it up above his head for the killing blow and then he brings it down with a Crunch!!!
The clown was dead, zac had avenged all his friends but he was very upset that they died. Then he gets so angry that he just starts chopping the clown up until he got tired, blood was all over zac. Bloody and upset, zac walked along the road until he found civilization.
But as zac walked away, the clown's hand turns into a fist. DUN DUN DUH!!!!!
THE END?
THE CLOWN(Zachary Pereira)
One dark and stormy night, four teenage guys named Mark, Evan, Donald, and Zac were driving down a long road when they spot a road sign that read CIRCUS: 5 miles away. The guys decided to go check out the circus so they turned on the radio to listen to some tunes and were on their way to the circus. A few minutes later, they were at the circus but the circus looked abandoned and old. When they went inside the circus, they saw a lot of mannequins in weird positions: One was laid down with a hatchet in the head and another stood next to it with it's palms to it's face as if it was crying for the loss of it's friend. The guys were freaked out so all four of them ran back to the truck, got inside, Zac turned on the ignition and.... the truck didn't start.
Then they got out and saw a clown with a bloody hatchet coming towards them. The clown gets mark first chopping his head off with blood squirting out of mark's body, then donald trips while away running from the clown then the clown plunges the hatchet into donald's head. Evan and zac ran down the road but suddenly, the clown throws the axe right for evan and it goes through evan's chest like butter. "EVAN NOOOOOO!!!!" zac cried out. All of zac's friends were dead and there wasn't really anywhere to hide so zac decided he would go down fighting.
The clown swings his axe aiming to cut zac's head clean off but zac narrowly dodges it and then he tackles the clown to the ground. Zac then starts punching the clown in the face while the clown was laughing like a madman, then zac sees the axe laying nearby and picks it up. He raises it up above his head for the killing blow and then he brings it down with a Crunch!!!
The clown was dead, zac had avenged all his friends but he was very upset that they died. Then he gets so angry that he just starts chopping the clown up until he got tired, blood was all over zac. Bloody and upset, zac walked along the road until he found civilization.
But as zac walked away, the clown's hand turns into a fist. DUN DUN DUH!!!!!
THE END?
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- 4
Gail Moore
11/06/2019Zac, your story does not seem original. You have done a lot better. But then I guess we all have good stories and bad.
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Zachary Pereira
11/07/2019don't worry, i'll find some time to write a good full story. Maybe this weekend
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JD
11/05/2019Zac, on a positive note, I did not feel as though the last two stories from you were 'half-assed', but both of them were very violent and lacking depth, nuance, and character development. This one seems like violence for the sake of violence. Summary: Clown axe-murderer kills three guys, but the forth kills him and chops him up. But maybe he isn't really dead yet? Maybe he's the undead!
Not exactly the most original nor imaginative storyline. I think this kind of 'storyline' is perhaps appealing for some adolescent boys who are into blood and guts stories. But it isn't the sort of story that I want to read, and I'm guessing it isn't the kind of story that most readers are looking for either.
I know that in your true stories about yourself you expressed a lot of anger, and perhaps these violent bloody stories are your way of getting some of that anger out of you, so they are in some way cathartic for you. But I don't think these kinds of stories will bring you the kind of connection you may want to achieve with readers, since most readers who come to Storystar are looking for something with more substance and less bloodshed.
In your description of your physical limitations which are part of your rare condition, you said that you are unable to express emotion with your face, and unable to properly express yourself verbally. That must be extremely frustrating and painful for you, Zac. I can't imagine having to live with those challenges. But that is all the more reason why you need to diligently and seriously develop your skills as a writer and storyteller, so that you have a means with which to fully express yourself and connect to others.
Readers want to understand what is in the heart and mind of the characters in your stories. They want to imagine themselves in that situation and think about what they would do if they were in that character's position. They want to care about the characters in the story so they feel something when the characters face difficult situations.
Do you read much, Zac? If so... who are your favorite writers and/or stories? Why are they your favorites?
Find writers who you admire and study what it is about their writing, their stories, their characters, that you connect with. The more you study the writers and stories you love, and learn from them, the better you will be at crafting your own stories so that readers can connect to them the way you connect with your favorites.
I think there is a lot more depth to you, and a lot more potential, than what your fiction stories are showing, Zac. You are no longer a teenager... you are an adult now. And you are a unique human being who has lived a life that no one else can imagine. You have stories within you that no one else could write.
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JD
11/09/2019Hi Zac, I don't have an Instagram account and don't have time to just 'chat', so I don't do it with anyone... or only on very rare occasions. I think that you and I are friends already, without having to spend time chatting. But I may not be the kind of friend that you want to have, since you seem to like chatting. I'll bet there are a lot of others who like to chat who could be a better a friend to you.
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Zachary Pereira
11/08/2019do you have Instagram JD? we could talk more there if you want to. My username is slenderzac1234
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Jewel Chever
11/05/2019Your stories are always something I LOVED ITT
I'm worried for Zac
-Jewel
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