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- Story Listed as: True Life For Adults
- Theme: Survival / Success
- Subject: Life Experience
- Published: 09/07/2016
Mrlinda's Story
Born 1966, F, from Hamilton, CanadaMelinda’s Story
by
Deborah Eker
Melinda has a cousin, Paul Barnes, who is a well-known children’s author living in New York. He wrote his first book at the age of twelve, as a Grade 6 homework writing assignment. His book was so good that Melinda’s aunt, who is her mother’s sister Gertrude, successfully submitted the book to a publisher. Paul has been writing ever since.
Melinda’s mother, Sheila, recently said to her on the telephone, “Melinda, you should have been a writer yourself, living in New York City”.
To which Melinda answered, “It is your fault, mother, that I did not. I could write and wanted to write as soon as I was able to put pen to paper. You never encouraged me. In fact you neglected me.”
Melinda was a child prodigy, but apparently her parents did not notice that even though it was obvious. Here is Melinda’s story.
When Melinda was born in 1966 in Montreal, her father Bradley, was earning a very low salary as a cashier in a store. Her mother Sheila, was working as a laboratory technologist. In the 1960’s, the birth of Melinda meant that Sheila had to stop working. With the loss of Sheila’s income, the family had to live on Bradley’s very low salary. For Sheila, this was an enormous adjustment, one that she did not like. At the age of 24, Sheila was not ready to be a mother.
In a recent conversation with Melinda, Sheila told her daughter, “I did not know what having a baby would involve. I went through my pregnancy, literally blindfolded. By the time I did find out what was involved, it was too late, I could not give the baby back.” What type of insane person wants to give back her own flesh and blood?
When Melinda was eighteen months, her aunt Gertrude, who was not yet married, won a teddy bear shooting darts at Belmont Park. Naturally, Melinda was given the teddy bear to play with. Melinda named the bear, Elvis, which surprised both of her parents. There was nobody named Elvis in her family and her parents did not know anybody named Elvis. That an eighteen month old baby was aware of the name Elvis, was probably because she had seen Elvis Presley on television, made no impression to her mother.
What made an impression on Sheila was that her husband Bradley, was a ferocious talker and very interested in law. On her knees, she begged Bradley to go to university to study law. As a lawyer he could earn a better salary than what he was earning as a cashier. But Bradley refused. He said, “It is too late for me to return to university. It’ll be too hard. I have a wife and a child.” Sheila took his refusal very badly.
Unlike Sheila, Bradley was ready to be a parent. He loved Melinda very much. But Sheila was always putting him down, so Melinda did not value his love. She did think that Sheila did not love her.
When Melinda was two, she began asking her mother for toys. Sheila said to her daughter, “You must never ask for things because it isn’t nice to ask for things. We are poor because you father does not make a good living. We had you a year after our wedding, so we have very little money. If we had not had you so soon, I would have been able to keep working and I might have saved more money. If you father would go back for law, we would be rich and I could buy you lots of toys. But because Daddy won’t go back to university and study we are poor.”
When Melinda was three, she began asking her two sets of grandparents, maternal and paternal, questions about the family history. Both grandmothers showed her pictures of relatives. That it was unusual for a three year old to ask questions about genealogy before the subject became commonplace escaped her mother. Bradley was impressed with Melinda’s questions. Sheila ignored the whole thing.
What Sheila did do was nag Bradley about their poverty stricken situation. Bradley did not take Sheila’s nagging but fought back.
When Melinda was four, her maternal grandparents bought a duplex in the Cote St. Luc area of Montreal that Melinda’s family would share with Melinda’s maternal aunt and new uncle, Gertrude and Gary. The duplex was spacious. Each flat was identical with large bedrooms, kitchen, and living room and dining room. A vestibule was at the entrance to the first floor and a flight of stairs led up to the second storey. The duplex was semi-detached and enjoyed spacious front and back lawns.
Sheila gave birth to Melinda’s brother, Avery, when they first moved in. At first it seemed that all was going well with the family but problems soon developed. Having another baby meant that Bradley’s salary supported a family of four. By now he had become a credit manager through a correspondence course, but his salary remained low. Sheila felt she could not return to work because having her two children cared for by either a grandmother or a babysitter was “not the right thing to do.” Instead of going to work she nagged Bradley that she “was stuck in all day with her two demanding brats.”
“Other wives get a break from their children once in a while,” she screamed, “only I am tied down like a dog.”
Bradley answered, “And other wives don’t nag their husbands because they are not millionaires.”
Sheila saw that other women in Cote St. Luc were married to rich professional husbands. Because her husband was a lowly credit manager she had an enormous inferiority complex. The other wives went to work and left their children with housekeepers. Sheila could not afford to hire a housekeeper and would have had to rely on her mother.
She degraded Bradley to the two children. ‘Your father is a good man,” she said, “but he is only a credit manager. He would be a better person if he had become a lawyer.”
To Bradley she said, “You have as many brains as the rich men who live around here. Why can’t you force yourself to go back for law instead of insisting on being a credit manager?”
To add insult to injury, Melinda was unable to make friends with the other girls in the neighbourhood because they were rich and she was not. Melinda acquired her mother’s inferiority complex. Not all of the families in the neighbourhood were rich, but the less affluent families did not have immigrant grandparents as Melinda did.. Bradley did not mind his daughter associating with poorer children. He said, “Sometimes children from poorer homes are nicer than children from affluent homes.”
Melinda’s early childhood was scarred by her parents’ fighting. She was afraid of their fighting and decided that she would be a “good little girl” and did not disturb her mother unduly, so that Sheila would not fight with Bradley. This did not help.
It was around this time that symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder started showing in Melinda. She could dress and feed herself, but completed tasks slowly, too slowly. Melinda was also very confused about her surroundings and made up stories. She also giggled in inappropriate situations. OCD was unknown in those days. All the family thought that she would get better as she matured. Sheila, however, instead of trying to be supportive, started criticizing Melinda heavily.
Now a small child is dependent on her parents. Sheila disliked having a dependent child. She said to Melinda, “All you do is eat and sleep and defecate. I have to work like a dog to bring you up. You have to learn to appreciate what I do for you. When I buy you food and clothes, you have to remember that they cost money and treat them with respect.”
This attitude left Melinda feeling guilty whenever her mother “did something” for her. When she misbehaved and had to be disciplined, her mother snarled at her, “We work like dogs for your upkeep and this is the thanks we get! You should be ashamed of yourself.”
Melinda started kindergarten when she was five. It was about this time that she found her interest in music. A grand piano was in the family’s living room. Both Sheila and Gertrude played the piano. Melinda was able to climb up on the piano bench and sit beside her mother on it. After about a week of this she asked Sheila to show her how to play. Melinda’s OCD made her attention span very short. Sheila was skeptical of Melinda’s interest in the piano because she was constantly distracted. But Melinda persisted and finally learned how to play simple music. She also began to take piano lessons in elementary school but was too distracted to practice.
It was the educational system in Montreal that brought out Melinda’s major OCD symptoms and these started when she was in elementary school. Because she was very slow, she could not complete tests. Rational thought is required to excel in math and science. Melinda could not grasp either, because, thanks to her OCD, she was incapable of rational thought. Where she did succeed at a level beyond her years was in reading, writing, English, geography, history, and politics. Melinda was an avid reader of books beyond her years and also began writing little short stories. This same learning process extended into her high school years in Montreal and in Toronto where her family moved when she was in Grade 13. Her parents, however, especially her mother, never praised her for her intellectual prowess. They told her that to graduate school she needed to be good in math and science. Throughout both elementary and high school Melinda did not have many friends because her OCD symptoms gave people the wrong impression of her.
Throughout her growing up, Melinda heard from her mother, ‘Nothing is as important as being a good person. A good person does not want to do well in school or make a lot of money. A good person only wants to do good in the world.” Her mother always emphasized, “The right thing to do.” All this was rather strange considering her mother was always nagging her father about how much money he made and that she was unable to explain what “the right thing to do” actually meant. These ideas were also emphasized at Melinda’s schools in Montreal.
Whenever Melinda complained to her mother about any trouble she was having in school, Sheila yelled at her, “That should be the least problem you have. I don’t want to hear about your problems. I have my own. I’m the one who has to make ends meet on your father’s low salary. Leave me alone.” Hearing these words Melinda resolved not to bother her mother again.
Sheila was reluctant to go to work, even though she had a career, and Melinda and Avery were in school all day. She justified it was the same familiar refrain about “the right thing to do.”
After Melinda graduated from high school in Montreal the family moved to Toronto. Sheila returned to work. She was able to get a job as a laboratory technologist in a hospital. But far from contenting her, the job left her seething with rage. Part of the reason for this was that she had to work shifts. The other part was that she felt she had to work and run a home which for her constituted two jobs. Bradley only did one job, as far as she was concerned. Everyday either before work or in the evening she cleaned the house from top to bottom.
Melinda helped her with the family meals, but did not see the need for her mother’s fanatical housecleaning. When Melinda did the laundry, Sheila complained that her daughter ruined her work uniforms.
“Everybody at work irons their uniforms.” she cried. “I can’t iron them because I am too tired. I have to work and run a boarding house and it isn’t fair.”
Bradley agreed with his daughter that the house did not need a daily complete cleaning. Sheila raged at him for not doing as much cleaning as she wanted him to. “I can’t work shifts and clean the house,” she complained. “Anybody else would die if his wife had to work as hard as I do. You are a lazy selfish pig.” Well one day this happened. Bradley who had diabetes, but was not taking care of himself, died.
Melinda enrolled in Grade 13 in Toronto. Here she was able to drop math and science and concentrate on English and history. But in the Toronto high school the teachers told her that the format for writing fiction was inappropriate to academic writing. Academic writing was how she had to write all her essays in Grade 13 and in university if she was to go there. Melinda recently told her husband, Barry, that “academic writing with its stiff formality destroyed my writing style.” Melinda still exhibited OCD symptoms in high school in Toronto but was at least able to make friends better than when she was at high school in Montreal.
After graduating from high school Melinda decided to study political science at York University because she had an interest in it. She had, however, no idea about what she would do with it. She did not take English or history because she was afraid that the only career avenue available was teaching and she could not face being in front of a class. In university she felt that the pressure of writing exams “set her brain on fire”. Reading abstract theory and statistics exacerbated her OCD symptoms. To ease her pain Melinda worked as a student reporter for the university newspaper Excalibur. Just as she had the ability for writing fiction, Melinda was able to go around the campus and cover events, writing a written report for the paper. She found that she enjoyed newspaper reporting more than her studies and her marks suffered. She also was able to make some friends at the university. Her marks, however, suffered and she was only able to graduate with a three year degree in political science.
Before Melinda graduated, when she was in her third year, at university, Melinda told her mother that “York University had a creative writing program.” Sheila was shocked, “Why aren’t you in it? she asked her daughter. “Because I didn’t know about it.”, Melinda answered. Sheila was angry. “We brought you up with proper values.”, she said to Melinda. “It is up to you to find out about your own university studies. It isn’t up to me to find you a career.” Upon consulting a calendar Melinda discovered that the Faculty of Fine Arts had a creative writing degree but to be admitted to it a student had to submit a portfolio. Melinda had none and so was not eligible.
After graduation Melinda found a job working as a reporter in Iroquois falls for the local newspaper Enterprise. She was there only a short time and did reporting, writing, and taking photographs. She could not, however, cope with the small town atmosphere and the isolation of the community so she quit her job and returned to Toronto.
Melinda then trained as a secretary at Shaw College. She went from one job disaster to another. She was too slow for office work. Her continual checking and repetitive behaviour made her work even slower. She was also unable to hold down a job because of inappropriate behaviour and her personality and was continually being fired. Her inappropriate behaviour consisted of giggling and inaptitude at complicated tasks and constant verbal repetition and making inappropriate statements. She felt that she was superior to her co-workers because she had a university degree and refused to have personal conversations with them. When any of her co-workers tried to ask her questions about what she studied, her answer always was, “Don’t be a hypocrite. You never went to university yourself, so don’t pretend to be interested in my studies.”
Eventually, after losing a series of office jobs, Melinda finally decided to go for psychiatric help to straighten out her life. When she first sought psychiatric help she could not find a psychiatrist and was forced instead to see a social worker. She actually saw two social workers. The first one simply told her to “Stop your inappropriate behaviours and everything will be fine.” But she was unable to change, so social worker one switched her to a different social worker to find out why she was unable to change. Both social workers said that her problems were “lack of social skills, inability to get along with people because she had no friends, and an apparent unwillingness or inability to do a reasonable job in an office.” They said that she “was hindered from proper office work by the slowness, repetition, and continual checking.” The social workers also told her “that your parents continual fighting is exacerbating your problems and that your mother’s constant criticism and putting you down is also contributing to your behaviour.” They told her to, “move out of the house and live in a boarding house if necessary.” They were, however, unable to make a diagnosis because they were not doctors and also because OCD was not well known during the 1980’s.
Her family doctor finally referred her to a psychiatrist in Toronto. Her family doctor told her that she needed to find out for herself that her inferiority complex was based on imagined nonsense. The psychiatrist said that she seemed not to get along with other people because she was afraid of people and had extreme anxiety. He said that she needed to be in group therapy and was referred to a psychiatrist, Dr. Henry Goldstein, at North York Psychotherapy Clinic who ran group therapy sessions each of which was run by a social worker.
At therapy Melinda met Elaine who had symptoms very similar to her. Elaine was considered to be strange by everyone in the group. She could not sit still and was constantly walking back and forth. Melinda was, however able to sit still. Elaine could not hold down a job because she was too slow and also had problems communicating with people. She also did repetition and checking. She also had been recommended by her doctor to Dr. Goldstein for her problems. She was on medication for what she called obsessive compulsive disorder.
Melinda saw how Elaine was in the group and made a momentous discovery. “I have obsessive compulsive disorder.” she told the group. She was told by the group leader, a social worker, who worked for Dr. Goldstein, “Melinda, if you think you have obsessive compulsive disorder, make a private appointment to see Dr. Goldstein. You don’t have to suffer. You can take medication for obsessive compulsive disorder.” The social worker told her that “Obsessive compulsive disorder is a condition in which the sufferer is missing serotonin in the brain. Serotonin is a vital component of rational thought. Without it you indulge in checking, repetitive and inappropriate behaviour and you are very anxious.”
Melinda saw Dr. Goldstein who told her that he was going to put her on 2mg of Clomipramine but that the medication would not be enough. “To control your obsessive compulsive behaviour you have to work through the group.”
After Melinda took her medication for the first time she realized, “It was the moment that everything changed. It was the moment after I took my first dose of OCD medication. I immediately felt like a new person and I knew that everything would be all right.”
From the time that she discovered that she had OCD, Melinda took a different approach to her therapy. The neglected child could finally become an adult. Melinda was able to nurture that child by holding a pillow in her lap. She was able to project her feelings of neglect onto the pillow. Dr. Goldstein approved of this.
Dr. Goldstein said that, “A person who can turn a pillow into a neglected child and nurture the pillow as is very creative and brilliant. You are creative, Melinda, and you have repressed you creativity. A creative person is unable to do any routine job. You need to use your imagination to make money either by writing. I suggest that you go back to university and complete your fourth year of political science.”
After completing this fourth year of university Melinda went to the University of Toronto and received a Master of Library Science Degree. After receiving this degree Melinda received a reference from her family doctor to see a new psychiatrist Dr. Frank Fishman who was one of the few psychiatrists who specialized in obsessive compulsive disorder. He increased her dosage of Clomipramine to 3mg and also put her on 2mg of Lorazepam for her anxiety and to help her sleep. She still had to perform behaviour therapy herself to supplement the medications.
In further years, Melinda worked part-time at a school library and at North York Central Library, served on the Toronto Public Library Board, married, took courses and received diplomas from the Canadian Securities Institute, served on the Hamilton Historical Board and wrote articles for their newsletter. She reads and writes extensively.
She still has to be vigilant as OCD symptoms are never totally erased but can tend to reappear at times.
Mrlinda's Story(Deborah Eker)
Melinda’s Story
by
Deborah Eker
Melinda has a cousin, Paul Barnes, who is a well-known children’s author living in New York. He wrote his first book at the age of twelve, as a Grade 6 homework writing assignment. His book was so good that Melinda’s aunt, who is her mother’s sister Gertrude, successfully submitted the book to a publisher. Paul has been writing ever since.
Melinda’s mother, Sheila, recently said to her on the telephone, “Melinda, you should have been a writer yourself, living in New York City”.
To which Melinda answered, “It is your fault, mother, that I did not. I could write and wanted to write as soon as I was able to put pen to paper. You never encouraged me. In fact you neglected me.”
Melinda was a child prodigy, but apparently her parents did not notice that even though it was obvious. Here is Melinda’s story.
When Melinda was born in 1966 in Montreal, her father Bradley, was earning a very low salary as a cashier in a store. Her mother Sheila, was working as a laboratory technologist. In the 1960’s, the birth of Melinda meant that Sheila had to stop working. With the loss of Sheila’s income, the family had to live on Bradley’s very low salary. For Sheila, this was an enormous adjustment, one that she did not like. At the age of 24, Sheila was not ready to be a mother.
In a recent conversation with Melinda, Sheila told her daughter, “I did not know what having a baby would involve. I went through my pregnancy, literally blindfolded. By the time I did find out what was involved, it was too late, I could not give the baby back.” What type of insane person wants to give back her own flesh and blood?
When Melinda was eighteen months, her aunt Gertrude, who was not yet married, won a teddy bear shooting darts at Belmont Park. Naturally, Melinda was given the teddy bear to play with. Melinda named the bear, Elvis, which surprised both of her parents. There was nobody named Elvis in her family and her parents did not know anybody named Elvis. That an eighteen month old baby was aware of the name Elvis, was probably because she had seen Elvis Presley on television, made no impression to her mother.
What made an impression on Sheila was that her husband Bradley, was a ferocious talker and very interested in law. On her knees, she begged Bradley to go to university to study law. As a lawyer he could earn a better salary than what he was earning as a cashier. But Bradley refused. He said, “It is too late for me to return to university. It’ll be too hard. I have a wife and a child.” Sheila took his refusal very badly.
Unlike Sheila, Bradley was ready to be a parent. He loved Melinda very much. But Sheila was always putting him down, so Melinda did not value his love. She did think that Sheila did not love her.
When Melinda was two, she began asking her mother for toys. Sheila said to her daughter, “You must never ask for things because it isn’t nice to ask for things. We are poor because you father does not make a good living. We had you a year after our wedding, so we have very little money. If we had not had you so soon, I would have been able to keep working and I might have saved more money. If you father would go back for law, we would be rich and I could buy you lots of toys. But because Daddy won’t go back to university and study we are poor.”
When Melinda was three, she began asking her two sets of grandparents, maternal and paternal, questions about the family history. Both grandmothers showed her pictures of relatives. That it was unusual for a three year old to ask questions about genealogy before the subject became commonplace escaped her mother. Bradley was impressed with Melinda’s questions. Sheila ignored the whole thing.
What Sheila did do was nag Bradley about their poverty stricken situation. Bradley did not take Sheila’s nagging but fought back.
When Melinda was four, her maternal grandparents bought a duplex in the Cote St. Luc area of Montreal that Melinda’s family would share with Melinda’s maternal aunt and new uncle, Gertrude and Gary. The duplex was spacious. Each flat was identical with large bedrooms, kitchen, and living room and dining room. A vestibule was at the entrance to the first floor and a flight of stairs led up to the second storey. The duplex was semi-detached and enjoyed spacious front and back lawns.
Sheila gave birth to Melinda’s brother, Avery, when they first moved in. At first it seemed that all was going well with the family but problems soon developed. Having another baby meant that Bradley’s salary supported a family of four. By now he had become a credit manager through a correspondence course, but his salary remained low. Sheila felt she could not return to work because having her two children cared for by either a grandmother or a babysitter was “not the right thing to do.” Instead of going to work she nagged Bradley that she “was stuck in all day with her two demanding brats.”
“Other wives get a break from their children once in a while,” she screamed, “only I am tied down like a dog.”
Bradley answered, “And other wives don’t nag their husbands because they are not millionaires.”
Sheila saw that other women in Cote St. Luc were married to rich professional husbands. Because her husband was a lowly credit manager she had an enormous inferiority complex. The other wives went to work and left their children with housekeepers. Sheila could not afford to hire a housekeeper and would have had to rely on her mother.
She degraded Bradley to the two children. ‘Your father is a good man,” she said, “but he is only a credit manager. He would be a better person if he had become a lawyer.”
To Bradley she said, “You have as many brains as the rich men who live around here. Why can’t you force yourself to go back for law instead of insisting on being a credit manager?”
To add insult to injury, Melinda was unable to make friends with the other girls in the neighbourhood because they were rich and she was not. Melinda acquired her mother’s inferiority complex. Not all of the families in the neighbourhood were rich, but the less affluent families did not have immigrant grandparents as Melinda did.. Bradley did not mind his daughter associating with poorer children. He said, “Sometimes children from poorer homes are nicer than children from affluent homes.”
Melinda’s early childhood was scarred by her parents’ fighting. She was afraid of their fighting and decided that she would be a “good little girl” and did not disturb her mother unduly, so that Sheila would not fight with Bradley. This did not help.
It was around this time that symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder started showing in Melinda. She could dress and feed herself, but completed tasks slowly, too slowly. Melinda was also very confused about her surroundings and made up stories. She also giggled in inappropriate situations. OCD was unknown in those days. All the family thought that she would get better as she matured. Sheila, however, instead of trying to be supportive, started criticizing Melinda heavily.
Now a small child is dependent on her parents. Sheila disliked having a dependent child. She said to Melinda, “All you do is eat and sleep and defecate. I have to work like a dog to bring you up. You have to learn to appreciate what I do for you. When I buy you food and clothes, you have to remember that they cost money and treat them with respect.”
This attitude left Melinda feeling guilty whenever her mother “did something” for her. When she misbehaved and had to be disciplined, her mother snarled at her, “We work like dogs for your upkeep and this is the thanks we get! You should be ashamed of yourself.”
Melinda started kindergarten when she was five. It was about this time that she found her interest in music. A grand piano was in the family’s living room. Both Sheila and Gertrude played the piano. Melinda was able to climb up on the piano bench and sit beside her mother on it. After about a week of this she asked Sheila to show her how to play. Melinda’s OCD made her attention span very short. Sheila was skeptical of Melinda’s interest in the piano because she was constantly distracted. But Melinda persisted and finally learned how to play simple music. She also began to take piano lessons in elementary school but was too distracted to practice.
It was the educational system in Montreal that brought out Melinda’s major OCD symptoms and these started when she was in elementary school. Because she was very slow, she could not complete tests. Rational thought is required to excel in math and science. Melinda could not grasp either, because, thanks to her OCD, she was incapable of rational thought. Where she did succeed at a level beyond her years was in reading, writing, English, geography, history, and politics. Melinda was an avid reader of books beyond her years and also began writing little short stories. This same learning process extended into her high school years in Montreal and in Toronto where her family moved when she was in Grade 13. Her parents, however, especially her mother, never praised her for her intellectual prowess. They told her that to graduate school she needed to be good in math and science. Throughout both elementary and high school Melinda did not have many friends because her OCD symptoms gave people the wrong impression of her.
Throughout her growing up, Melinda heard from her mother, ‘Nothing is as important as being a good person. A good person does not want to do well in school or make a lot of money. A good person only wants to do good in the world.” Her mother always emphasized, “The right thing to do.” All this was rather strange considering her mother was always nagging her father about how much money he made and that she was unable to explain what “the right thing to do” actually meant. These ideas were also emphasized at Melinda’s schools in Montreal.
Whenever Melinda complained to her mother about any trouble she was having in school, Sheila yelled at her, “That should be the least problem you have. I don’t want to hear about your problems. I have my own. I’m the one who has to make ends meet on your father’s low salary. Leave me alone.” Hearing these words Melinda resolved not to bother her mother again.
Sheila was reluctant to go to work, even though she had a career, and Melinda and Avery were in school all day. She justified it was the same familiar refrain about “the right thing to do.”
After Melinda graduated from high school in Montreal the family moved to Toronto. Sheila returned to work. She was able to get a job as a laboratory technologist in a hospital. But far from contenting her, the job left her seething with rage. Part of the reason for this was that she had to work shifts. The other part was that she felt she had to work and run a home which for her constituted two jobs. Bradley only did one job, as far as she was concerned. Everyday either before work or in the evening she cleaned the house from top to bottom.
Melinda helped her with the family meals, but did not see the need for her mother’s fanatical housecleaning. When Melinda did the laundry, Sheila complained that her daughter ruined her work uniforms.
“Everybody at work irons their uniforms.” she cried. “I can’t iron them because I am too tired. I have to work and run a boarding house and it isn’t fair.”
Bradley agreed with his daughter that the house did not need a daily complete cleaning. Sheila raged at him for not doing as much cleaning as she wanted him to. “I can’t work shifts and clean the house,” she complained. “Anybody else would die if his wife had to work as hard as I do. You are a lazy selfish pig.” Well one day this happened. Bradley who had diabetes, but was not taking care of himself, died.
Melinda enrolled in Grade 13 in Toronto. Here she was able to drop math and science and concentrate on English and history. But in the Toronto high school the teachers told her that the format for writing fiction was inappropriate to academic writing. Academic writing was how she had to write all her essays in Grade 13 and in university if she was to go there. Melinda recently told her husband, Barry, that “academic writing with its stiff formality destroyed my writing style.” Melinda still exhibited OCD symptoms in high school in Toronto but was at least able to make friends better than when she was at high school in Montreal.
After graduating from high school Melinda decided to study political science at York University because she had an interest in it. She had, however, no idea about what she would do with it. She did not take English or history because she was afraid that the only career avenue available was teaching and she could not face being in front of a class. In university she felt that the pressure of writing exams “set her brain on fire”. Reading abstract theory and statistics exacerbated her OCD symptoms. To ease her pain Melinda worked as a student reporter for the university newspaper Excalibur. Just as she had the ability for writing fiction, Melinda was able to go around the campus and cover events, writing a written report for the paper. She found that she enjoyed newspaper reporting more than her studies and her marks suffered. She also was able to make some friends at the university. Her marks, however, suffered and she was only able to graduate with a three year degree in political science.
Before Melinda graduated, when she was in her third year, at university, Melinda told her mother that “York University had a creative writing program.” Sheila was shocked, “Why aren’t you in it? she asked her daughter. “Because I didn’t know about it.”, Melinda answered. Sheila was angry. “We brought you up with proper values.”, she said to Melinda. “It is up to you to find out about your own university studies. It isn’t up to me to find you a career.” Upon consulting a calendar Melinda discovered that the Faculty of Fine Arts had a creative writing degree but to be admitted to it a student had to submit a portfolio. Melinda had none and so was not eligible.
After graduation Melinda found a job working as a reporter in Iroquois falls for the local newspaper Enterprise. She was there only a short time and did reporting, writing, and taking photographs. She could not, however, cope with the small town atmosphere and the isolation of the community so she quit her job and returned to Toronto.
Melinda then trained as a secretary at Shaw College. She went from one job disaster to another. She was too slow for office work. Her continual checking and repetitive behaviour made her work even slower. She was also unable to hold down a job because of inappropriate behaviour and her personality and was continually being fired. Her inappropriate behaviour consisted of giggling and inaptitude at complicated tasks and constant verbal repetition and making inappropriate statements. She felt that she was superior to her co-workers because she had a university degree and refused to have personal conversations with them. When any of her co-workers tried to ask her questions about what she studied, her answer always was, “Don’t be a hypocrite. You never went to university yourself, so don’t pretend to be interested in my studies.”
Eventually, after losing a series of office jobs, Melinda finally decided to go for psychiatric help to straighten out her life. When she first sought psychiatric help she could not find a psychiatrist and was forced instead to see a social worker. She actually saw two social workers. The first one simply told her to “Stop your inappropriate behaviours and everything will be fine.” But she was unable to change, so social worker one switched her to a different social worker to find out why she was unable to change. Both social workers said that her problems were “lack of social skills, inability to get along with people because she had no friends, and an apparent unwillingness or inability to do a reasonable job in an office.” They said that she “was hindered from proper office work by the slowness, repetition, and continual checking.” The social workers also told her “that your parents continual fighting is exacerbating your problems and that your mother’s constant criticism and putting you down is also contributing to your behaviour.” They told her to, “move out of the house and live in a boarding house if necessary.” They were, however, unable to make a diagnosis because they were not doctors and also because OCD was not well known during the 1980’s.
Her family doctor finally referred her to a psychiatrist in Toronto. Her family doctor told her that she needed to find out for herself that her inferiority complex was based on imagined nonsense. The psychiatrist said that she seemed not to get along with other people because she was afraid of people and had extreme anxiety. He said that she needed to be in group therapy and was referred to a psychiatrist, Dr. Henry Goldstein, at North York Psychotherapy Clinic who ran group therapy sessions each of which was run by a social worker.
At therapy Melinda met Elaine who had symptoms very similar to her. Elaine was considered to be strange by everyone in the group. She could not sit still and was constantly walking back and forth. Melinda was, however able to sit still. Elaine could not hold down a job because she was too slow and also had problems communicating with people. She also did repetition and checking. She also had been recommended by her doctor to Dr. Goldstein for her problems. She was on medication for what she called obsessive compulsive disorder.
Melinda saw how Elaine was in the group and made a momentous discovery. “I have obsessive compulsive disorder.” she told the group. She was told by the group leader, a social worker, who worked for Dr. Goldstein, “Melinda, if you think you have obsessive compulsive disorder, make a private appointment to see Dr. Goldstein. You don’t have to suffer. You can take medication for obsessive compulsive disorder.” The social worker told her that “Obsessive compulsive disorder is a condition in which the sufferer is missing serotonin in the brain. Serotonin is a vital component of rational thought. Without it you indulge in checking, repetitive and inappropriate behaviour and you are very anxious.”
Melinda saw Dr. Goldstein who told her that he was going to put her on 2mg of Clomipramine but that the medication would not be enough. “To control your obsessive compulsive behaviour you have to work through the group.”
After Melinda took her medication for the first time she realized, “It was the moment that everything changed. It was the moment after I took my first dose of OCD medication. I immediately felt like a new person and I knew that everything would be all right.”
From the time that she discovered that she had OCD, Melinda took a different approach to her therapy. The neglected child could finally become an adult. Melinda was able to nurture that child by holding a pillow in her lap. She was able to project her feelings of neglect onto the pillow. Dr. Goldstein approved of this.
Dr. Goldstein said that, “A person who can turn a pillow into a neglected child and nurture the pillow as is very creative and brilliant. You are creative, Melinda, and you have repressed you creativity. A creative person is unable to do any routine job. You need to use your imagination to make money either by writing. I suggest that you go back to university and complete your fourth year of political science.”
After completing this fourth year of university Melinda went to the University of Toronto and received a Master of Library Science Degree. After receiving this degree Melinda received a reference from her family doctor to see a new psychiatrist Dr. Frank Fishman who was one of the few psychiatrists who specialized in obsessive compulsive disorder. He increased her dosage of Clomipramine to 3mg and also put her on 2mg of Lorazepam for her anxiety and to help her sleep. She still had to perform behaviour therapy herself to supplement the medications.
In further years, Melinda worked part-time at a school library and at North York Central Library, served on the Toronto Public Library Board, married, took courses and received diplomas from the Canadian Securities Institute, served on the Hamilton Historical Board and wrote articles for their newsletter. She reads and writes extensively.
She still has to be vigilant as OCD symptoms are never totally erased but can tend to reappear at times.
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